In advance I would just like to say I’m sorry (after you read this you’ll understand why you’re bleeding from your eyeballs)

August 15, 2010

So this last week I moved. And just so you know I hate moving as much as my colon hates extricating. Yes, it’s that serious. Anyway, the move happened…yada yada yada… the movers lost the legs to my sofa. How exactly does that happen? If I knew the answer to that I wouldn’t have to [...]

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OK

August 12, 2010

You know how sometimes things just don’t work out? And you want them to. You really do. You cry and you shout and you beg and you promise and you try and you try and you try. And yet still… It doesn’t matter. No one is to blame. I mean what would be the point? [...]

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Shiny, happy people

August 9, 2010

One thing I love about New York City is the people. They are so friendly *AND* helpful. I mean where else in the WORLD would someone tell you to Fuck Off, Have A Nice Day…all in the same sentence? Nowhere, I tell you. Take this exchange I happened to be privy to. Scene: Street corner. [...]

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New York gives me constipation

August 8, 2010

The last few days I’ve been in New York City for the Blogher 2010 conference. And while I loved loved loved every minute of it, there’s a problem. I haven’t…you know…*gone* to the bathroom. Since Wednesday. Today is Sunday. My question? If I’ve eaten at least three times a day for the past five days, [...]

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Holy Schick!

August 5, 2010

It’s no secret that I’m not one of those people who regularly shaves things. Because dammit, I’m busy. I *try* to remember to keep my armpits hairless but I don’t always think about it. Because really? Who goes around thinking about armpits? Me? Not so much. Most of the time my 15 year old daughter [...]

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Why you shouldn’t take advice from a five year old even when you didn’t mean to do it

July 30, 2010

Every once in awhile I get an invitation to a fancy grownup party. You know, one of those without a bounce house and a pen full of barnyard animals. No offense to furry, chirpy things, but sometimes a girl just wants to go to a party where someone isn’t handing out squirtfuls of anti-bacterial gel, [...]

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I think it’s obvious where I get it from

July 28, 2010

This morning I got an email from my mom. And after reading it I spent the next twenty minutes laughing my ass off. Here is her story. Shauna, Last week I went to the dermatologist for a skin check up and the lady at the desk wants to know if I would like Botox, etc [...]

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I will never be able to eat tacos again without thinking about your you know what

July 27, 2010

I didn’t write this article…but I could have! Got a vagina, but don’t want anyone to know? Check out the aptly named “Camelflage,” a pair of $19.99 panties that have a built-in guard that smooths out your business. It’s kind of like a nut cup for women (a taco shell, perhaps?) and is supposed to [...]

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