why george clooney would make a better mate

letter to the husband (revisited)

December 2, 2008

dear hubs, i always thought you were the one. when i met you 10 years ago i said to myself, “girl, now this guy’s worth holding on to.” you were practically perfect in every way (it’s hard typing that sentence without busting out in laughter or falling out of my chair) and nothing you did [...]

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why have i not heard about monkey prostitutes before now?

November 26, 2008

i’m afraid i’m becoming one of those angry, bitter women. you know, the ones who have a scowl permenantly fashioned on their faces? they constantly look like they’ve just swallowed something sour. well, my brow is furrowed as we speak. i don’t know what happened. one minute i was excited to come to the beach [...]

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when the jar opener goes down

November 20, 2008

everyone, stop what you’re doing. we have a man down. i repeat, we have. a man. down. it appears that the tallest and strongest one in our house (he can open any jar i give him–yes, he’s THAT strong) has come down with the dreaded cold. i’m afraid it’s serious. all forward motion has come [...]

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in search of the perfect voo doo doll; or, why violence is sometimes the answer

October 22, 2008

ok, so you how much it pains me to get on here and bitch about tommy. i hate doing it, really i do. but my therapist insists that i get my emotions out of my body and in the open so i can deal with them. (actually, i think what he had in mind was [...]

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why pie is NOT always the answer

September 12, 2008

tommy comes in front room where i’m watching tv. “did you know there are 743,000 web pages devoted to or that mention lemon pie?” me: “really? i don’t understand the internet at all.” tommy: “what don’t you understand?” me: “like, where is it? where is the center, the hub, the sterile metal building that houses [...]

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let’s play a game

August 28, 2008

it’s called, what one word best describes your mate?i’ll go first. my word is… CLUELESS! heh. try and beat THAT! c’mon, i dare you.

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conversations in bed

August 26, 2008

last night before we went to sleep… tommy: how’d you get the kids to sleep so fast? me: isn’t it obvious? tommy: what? me: i’m the better parent tommy: (laughing) so is that your strategy?…to be the better parent? me: it’s working isn’t it? tommy: (still laughing) good night, butthole me: good night yourself, ass [...]

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The Husband

August 20, 2008

Open Letter to the Husband (and I say The husband instead of My husband because really, this could be for any one of them) Dear Kind Sir, (I find it’s best to be respectful before publicly bashing a loved one) I don’t remember you telling me you were raised by a pack of wild dogs. [...]

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