Over the years, I have been told by everyone who’s ever lived with or spent a lot of time with me that I make a face when putting on my makeup.

According to these so called witnesses (who all “conveniently” share the same opinion) I pucker my lips and make eyes at the mirror.

As if.

So [...]

Something is going on with AT&T Wireless and I’m getting pretty fucking fed up.

Over the last week, I’ve had more calls drop than ever before in my entire LIFE. Even more than the time I was driving around a mountain in New Mexico and swerved to miss hitting a cow and nearly drove off the [...]

When I was a little girl, I thought babies came out your belly button. I didn’t exactly *know* how this was possible since your belly button is like, well, the size of a belly button. But I didn’t question it. It was just a fact of life and not something you worried about. You just [...]

So…I turned 40.

It was uneventful. Well, except for the 583 emails I received wishing me a Happy Birthday. That? Was awesome. (and thank you. really)

But mostly? It was just another day.

I woke up. Made the kids’ lunches. Drove them to school. Got cut off by an asshole driver who was *clearly* in a way [...]

I AM 40.

This is me shooting imaginary Botox in my face

(Tune into Aiming Low today for my Big 4-oh shit post)

Something has gone terribly wrong.

WRONG, I TELL YOU.

People. Are. Disgusting.

And also? They hate me. All of them.

Especially those who enjoy picking their nose in public.

(Hold please while I vomit from the visual picture that is BURNED IN MY BRAIN FOREVER)

But I may be jumping ahead. So let me start from the beginning.

The other day I [...]

You know how in a lot of restaurant bathrooms there’ll be music playing?

Well, recently I was in one where instead of playing music, a man was translating *common* English phrases into French.

The first thing I heard him say was, “I would like to get to know you better; you seem to have nice [...]

I didn’t know I would grow up to be a writer. In fact, becoming a writer didn’t come up until I was well into my thirties. I mean, I always made awesome grades on my high school English papers–my teachers would comment that I had a unique way of telling a story. Still, it didn’t [...]

I have this friend. You may have heard of her… Barefoot foodie?

Well, she’s an insanely talented writer. You know, one of those annoying types who doesn’t even have to *try* and be funny? I would hate her if I didn’t want to lick her forehead most days. OK, every day. And dude, I totally [...]

Here is a conversation I had with my dad yesterday while driving to Houston (for the Mom 2.0 Summit):

“Hello, Father.”

“Hello, Daughter. (Laughs) I wanted to call and tell you about a Shauna moment I just had.”

“K.”

“I was getting a massage awhile ago and all of the sudden I needed to fart.”

“OH MY GOD! THAT’S MY [...]