so i sat down at my computer and began writing my next book. although i’m not really feeling it. so i think instead of making poppy marlow a full length young adult novel, i’m going to make it a short story and be done with it. and because poppy is supposed to be 10 years old, i can’t find a way to fit in sex and wild use of the ‘f’ word, so it seems boring and pointless to me. BUT harley will think it’s great in a pg kind of way (she’s soooo 6 years old), so i’m going to do it.
i churned out 3 pages and then stopped. i read over it and was horrified and disappointed at the lack of va-voom displayed in the content. i mean normally i’m fascinated with my own writing, but this time it was different. i just couldn’t connect with the story or the characters. then i looked around me. i hadn’t noticed how distracting the coffee shop was before now. sharing a table with me and sitting directly across from me was a rather large man, slurping his mocha frappucino and licking chocolate off his fingers. he saw me watching him and quickly apologized. minutes later he began clipping his fingernails. yes. let me say that again. he was clipping. his. fingernails. at. the. table. in. public.
side note: if you don’t know me very well, then you don’t know that i think clipping anything off your person, whether it be your toenails, fingernails, nose hair, etc., should be done in the privacy of your bathroom…with the door locked. how would everyone like it if i just whipped out my razor and started shaving my crotch in the middle of freakin starbucks on a wednesday morning?
so anyway, now i’m grossed out completely and am fearful that his nail particles have somehow traveled through the air and landed in my mouth. i begin to cough, hoping that any and all fingernail parts that aren’t mine will extract themselves from my general area. i want to blow the space around me but am afraid that i will attract more negative attention since minutes before when i was reading what i had written, i kept making ugh noises and talking to myself in a sort of demeaning way. i turned to the person sitting next to me (who was bald–i don’t know why i had to throw that in–it’s not relevant to the story–that’s just really the only characteristic i remember about him–oh, that and he had a humongous mole on the side of his nose. who doesn’t get a nose mole removed? i have 1 (1!) hair growing out of my chin that tommy insists needs to be lasered. but this bald guy has a huge mole–that i swear said hello when i looked at it– just sitting there on his face). but other than the mole, he wasn’t a bad seatmate. except the mole was distracting. and his head was shiny. but other than that, he was fine.
i tried really hard to focus on my writing.
but i couldn’t. i overheard these 2 young college girls going on and on about the upcoming social. it was like fort worth’s version of the hills. and it wasn’t any better. but it wasn’t any worse. there were a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘oh my gods’ and then giggling.
and then i thought about my bus–you know, the one without brakes? and started pointing out everyone in the coffee shop who i’d give a ticket to. that bus is so full, we may need another one.
i saved and closed my document, got on the internet, googled jigsaw puzzles, and clicked on puzzleworld.com.
ordered 2 puzzles, opted for overnight shipping, and then called it a day. waved goodbye to the bald guy, made a face at the i-clip-my-fingernails-in-public guy (by the way, i wanted to ask him if he was single, but decided against it since i would only be pointing out the obvious and i didn’t want to bring it up to him in case it’s already a sore subject for the guy–and his mom probably already gives him a hard time about it anyway–but really she should have taught him better manners than to clip his nails in public, so his still being single is her fault anyway–oh, the irony) and then got the hell out of there.
i can’t wait for the ups guy to deliver my puzzles.
i’m such a loser.
someone send help…and wine.
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