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scrapbooking while watching midget porn

first off, yes, i’m ok. i haven’t died, changed my identity and moved away, or forgotten about you. i’ve just been off. uninspired. material-less. humor challenged. whatever you want to call it–that’s me. so thank you all for the emails that basically read like this: HEY! WHAT THE FUCK? WHEN YOU GONNA BLOG?

well, my friends, [...]

SOMETHING HAS GONE TERRIBLY WRONG

ok, my gag reflexes are working overtime.

i don’t think i’ve ever felt this sick before.

i think i might actually vomit….(excuse me, gagging)…while typing this.

my dad….just….(gagging)…emailed me…..(taking a deep breath)…his most…(sorry, gagging again)…(oops, now convulsing)…embarrassing sex moment.

the worst part…i READ it.

i think i need to lie down now.

damn you father–and your “open lines of communication!” [...]