kids and why they should require batteries

Rodeos ain’t for pussies. Or really cute blonde women who are already on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

February 6, 2010

One of the highlights of living in Cowtown (Fort Worth, Texas) is the annual Fat Stock Show and Rodeo. It happens this time every year. That’s why it has “annual” in its name. It’s a big deal around here. You even get a day off from school. It’s called Rodeo Day. But since most grown [...]

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If my dog made me a sandwich

December 2, 2009

So I was standing in my closet, getting dressed for the day. I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and noticed they were tight. Like too tight to button. And naturally I convinced myself that I couldn’t button them because they had just been washed. You know, cuz jeans totally shrink when you dry [...]

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It’s taken me longer to come up with a name for this post than it did to actually write it.

August 5, 2009

So I’m in the middle of writing a new book. And so far, I love it. Every day I can’t wait to start working on it again. But there’s something keeping me from getting as far as I’d like…. *knock at the door* Yes? Who is it? It’s me, Mom. Riley. What do you need? [...]

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why people continue to suck and also surprise me

January 12, 2009

what is it with people (without kids) and their dislike of people (with kids). what? you were never a kid? you just showed up here on planet earth, a full grown douchey adult? i think not. although, you are douchey. bra-vo. *claps hands together and gives standing ovation* my latest encounter with said annoying, intolerant [...]

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and that about sums it up

December 3, 2008

conversation i just had with the e-man: e: “mommy, my butt hurts. will you put your finga in it?” me, sighing heavily: “what do you mean ‘put my finger in it?’” e: “it itches. stick your finga in my butt and scatch it.” me: “wait. i thought you said it hurts. now it itches? make [...]

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why have i not heard about monkey prostitutes before now?

November 26, 2008

i’m afraid i’m becoming one of those angry, bitter women. you know, the ones who have a scowl permenantly fashioned on their faces? they constantly look like they’ve just swallowed something sour. well, my brow is furrowed as we speak. i don’t know what happened. one minute i was excited to come to the beach [...]

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letter to the people who are trying to kill me

November 14, 2008

dear ungrateful children who call me mother, i know it seems like i’m here to serve your every whim, but let me be the first to set the record straight. i HAVE to take care of you. i don’t necessarily WANT to…all the time, or on weekends, or during prime time television. we all make [...]

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that’s what SHE said

November 13, 2008

it’s happening. my oldest daughter is about to start…..driving! she informed me that she is now eligible to sign up for driver’s ed. is it too late to shove her back up into my uterus? yeah, i thought so. she’s WAY bigger than me now. that would look weird. and it would be like the [...]

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