by Shauna on May 15, 2012

When it comes to certain things, I’m kind of a control freak. Things like family get-togethers where food is involved mostly.

So this year for Mother’s Day I decided we should have it at my house…which would be my first time hosting an event since the pool was completed. Perfect way to spend the day, am I right?

Everything was going according to plan and on time for my family to arrive at noon. All my neuroses were in check. I was on fire.

And then about 9am Sunday morning I decided we really needed to go buy a ping pong table and set it up in the driveway. You know, to offer some other activity for family and friends to participate in–besides drinking mimosas poolside.

For the whole ping pong table idea to work I would need help from someone who was well versed in putting things together. And someone who owned a truck. Enter Jeff.

Bless his heart.

He really had no idea what he was getting into when he decided to be in a relationship with me.

The man is a saint.

After pointing out the perfect outdoor tennis table complete with 4 paddles and a pack of 12 balls, I barked orders at the sporting goods store employees that they really needed to hurry it up with the loading process–we were on a tight schedule. When they still weren’t getting it that I meant business with a capital B, I offered to load the stinkin thing in the back of the truck myself. They laughed. What…assuming I was kidding?

Yada yada yada, we were back at home.

Poor Jeff, there were like a thousand pieces to this thing.

I squinched up my face and offered a pout. He looked at me. And then back at the pile of metal rods and hardware bits and said, “How did I get here?”

Yada yada yada, he put the ping pong table together. And almost cut off his left index finger in the process. Whatever. I’ll give you the speech I gave him. Ten fingers is a little extravagant, don’t you think?

We cleaned up all the blood just in time for the first guests to arrive. I greeted everyone with a Mother’s Day mimosa and a tour of the backyard.

Yada yada yada, it was time to eat.

My aunt brought Mimi (she’s doing fabulously by the way, it’s so weird how well she’s feeling these days) and she made her way around the room giving hugs and NOT hearing what anyone was saying.

I made the announcement that everyone should grab a plate and then I pointed out the pork butt and the roasted turkey and the pasta shrimp salad and the pinto beans and the potato rolls….and then out of nowhere Mimi grabbed me by the elbow and whisper shouted, “I think Cody wants to say the blessing.”

I looked over at my cousin Cody who was in a deep conversation with his wife. “Cody, Mimi says you’re dying to say Grace.”

“I am? Oh, OK.”

So everyone bowed their head. Cody began blessing the food and thanking God for all the moms, et cetera et cetera.

After the Amen we all started moving around the room again. I looked to my right and Mimi was standing very still, her head bowed, her eyes closed. Then she peeked out of the corner of one eye, I guess to see if we were finished praying.

That’s when I started laughing and walked over to Cody. “Dude, Mimi can’t even hear when you’re praying. I just caught her peeking to see if it was over. I’ve just decided that next time we do one of these family get-togethers we’re reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. How will she even know? It will be hilarious.”

“You’re going to hell.”

“See you there.”

“Sounds good.”

And that’s pretty much how Mother’s Day went.

God I cannot wait until the next family function. I’ve never looked so forward to anything so much IN MY LIFE.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Jean Eng May 15, 2012 at 10:42 am

You are an evil woman. I think it is hilarious however knowing MiMi and your mother, I cannot resist the temptation to call them and tell them your plan! Never announce your plan in advance. (Everyone may not read facebook – but some of us are hell on the phone.) I will send my Flying Monkeys to visit you if you make fun of that sweet little grandmother who loves you in spite of you, and even better she loves your Mom and your kids. Feeling Guilty? It’s a good thing – I attended Catholic School and I know a little guilt goes a long way!


Jen-Eighty MPH Mom May 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

Bless Mimi’s little heart! Too funny!


Dan Kennedy May 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

(Said in a very southern accent) You are evil and you must be destroyed! But I still love ya more than my luggage.


Susan May 15, 2012 at 1:16 pm

One of the best movie lines ever!


bellawriter (Nuala Reilly) May 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I want to be a fly on the wall of your house. Pretty please!!


Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] May 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Seeing as Mimi is related to you, I’m betting she is only pretending not to hear. Sounds like something you’d do.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog post ..Yeah, Buddy.


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