Everyone go back to eating salad. It seems lettuce is thankful after all.

by Shauna on April 10, 2012

Recently I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and the topic of conversation was about messing up lyrics to songs…namely Church hymns.

One of the ladies on there said, “You know the song What A Friend We Have In Jesus? I used to sing, ‘What a friend we have in CHEESES.’”

And it brought back a memory from my own childhood…one that involves getting the words wrong.

I went to preschool and Kindergarten at my church (although it wasn’t officially referred to as “Kindergarten” but “Preschool 5″ because I’m pretty sure my church was against all things German, because of that whole Hitler Nazi thing, which was confusing since my family was German) and every day before lunch we said the same prayer.

God is great.
God is good.
Lettuce thank Him for our food.
Amen.

And every time we prayed that prayer I thought to myself, what’s lettuce’s problem anyway? Every other vegetable IN THE WORLD plus fruits, plants, animals, and people (I assumed) were thankful and had thanked God for the food (and probably other things too, but mostly for food) except lettuce? Why wasn’t this being talked about more? Why hadn’t my dad (THE ASSOCIATE PASTOR AT MY CHURCH) preached about this?

At the time this was happening my feelings for lettuce were this. I liked salad. Well, really I liked the salad that my Mimi made. I don’t know what it was about the way she placed mixed greens in a bowl (along with tomato, onion, radishes, and dressing) that set her salad apart from everyone else’s salad, but she held some kind of salad making magic powers.

But the whole “lettuce refusing to Thank God for our food” part had my insides torn to bits. Should I stop eating lettuce until it gets its act together?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard, and you know what? I agree with you. But you have no idea what a relief it was to learn (from my younger brother, no doubt) that the words to the prayer are “Let US think Him for our food.” Not lettuce.

Turns out lettuce isn’t the asshole I’d grown up believing it was.

PS. My brother just corrected me like two years ago. When I was 40.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

thedoseofreality April 10, 2012 at 10:13 am

As someone who doesn’t really enjoy lettuce, I totally think it could be the asshole who doesn’t bother to thank God. Glad for you, though, that you can go back to eating it in peace. Amen.
thedoseofreality´s last blog post ..Team Adam vs. Team Cee-Lo

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Jaedeanne April 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

My 3-year old little girl always requests the “prayer about the grapes.” Took me forever to realize that it was the Hail Mary (full of Grace). She probably though that some religious figure shared her same affinity for fruit….
Jaedeanne´s last blog post ..God Bless Texas

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gtrexler April 10, 2012 at 10:22 am

Not a bible verse or hymn but my father was a volunteer fireman where the calls were dispatched via radio/scanner. When the weekly test would go off my brother would always say, “Oh it’s not a fire it’s just Jessy Tess.” The dispatcher would say, “This is just a test – this is only a test.” We never told him any different. Love those memories. Now Shauna, lettuce pray.

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Daisy April 10, 2012 at 10:42 am

You know the pledge of allegiance….

“One nation, under God, for witches stand.”

And then I imagined witches (tall point hat style) and God hanging out under a big tree.

Until I was 15.

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Dan Kennedy April 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

…..but deliver us from eagles…..

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Jean Eng April 10, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Shauna, How about the nice church hymn, “Bringing in the Sheeps” I think I was at least 15 before I knew what a sheave is. I still think sheeps sounds better!

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Rachel April 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Reminds me of my sister (age 25) who recites the Hail Mary: “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee, and also with you. Amen”
Rachel´s last blog post ..Where the Hell did the Last 11 Years Go?!?!

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Andy April 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I had a friend who grew up with his brothers singing to him, “Are you sowing the seeds of the King, Dumb brother.”

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Nikki Mohamed April 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Not so much church hymns as radio tunes. Apparently, my ex-husband was under the impression that Tears for Fears had issues with cutting grass:
“Everybody wants to mow the lawn!”
Nikki Mohamed´s last blog post ..Why You Don’t Take Kids to Frederick’s

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