To my knowledge no one has ever died playing with dolls

by Shauna on February 21, 2012

Before Ethan came along, most everything we did was pretty girly. You know, American Girl, Disney on Ice…total estrogen overload. Since he was born, nothing has changed. He’s almost seven.

Several weeks ago while at the American Girl store AGAIN for like the one-millionth time, Harley had Ethan 99% convinced that he needed to spend his money on a boy doll so they could play babies together.

And it dawned on me. We don’t do anything boy related. And I felt a pang in my chest. Poor Ethan.

After leaving the store (no, he didn’t buy a doll, not that there’s anything wrong with that) I thought about little boys. What do they even like to do?

And that’s when I saw it. The billboard read Monster Energy Drink presents Super MotoCross, THIS WEEKEND, Cowboys Stadium in Arlington.

That’s it! Boys surely like stuff like this. Right?


I pointed at the sign, excited, and said, “Ethan look! Motorcycle races! You wanna go?”


When we got home I immediately went online and bought tickets. I felt like the best mom in the world.

Now, this girl right here has never been to anything motorcycle race-y before so I wasn’t sure what I was in for. I mean, what does one even wear to such an event?

On the day of the MotoCross I looked through my closet. Nothing screamed “dirt bike racing.” I pulled out my t-shirt that reads “I like to fart” and thought maybe that would be appropriate, but opted to wear jeans and a black top instead. As soon as we arrived at the stadium I scanned the crowds of people. I realized then I should have worn the fart t-shirt. DAMMIT.

Ethan was so excited he couldn’t sit still. He kept asking me what was going to happen.

Yeah, like I knew the answer to that.

So I dodged his question by asking over and over again, “You want a hotdog? How about a hotdog? Does a hotdog sound good?”

That’s about the time he moved three seats down from me.

in case you thought I was exaggerating…about the moving away from me thing

My favorite part of the whole evening was this. OK, so Monster Energy drink has Monster Energy drink “girls” who parade around in short, tight little outfits. They’re skinny and pretty and have big boobs and I pretty much hated all of them from the moment I saw them.

This one in particular (I think she was Miss Monster Energy Drink) was in charge of going in the crowd and interviewing people.

So the camera is on her and she’s on the giant screen that’s hanging from the ceiling. She’s standing next to a man who is probably mid 40′s, and bald.

With a microphone in hand she asks, “What’s your name sir and where did you drive here from?”

“My name is Joe. I’m from Arlington.”

“So Joe, was it a long drive for you tonight?”

“Well, we are IN Arlington, so no.”

“Oh. Right.”

But that little mess up doesn’t curtail Miss Monster Energy. “So Joe, how excited were you when Ryan Villopoto won the whole thing last night?”

“Do you mean last YEAR?”

“Yes! Sorry. Last year.”

The crowd starts to laugh at Miss Monster Energy’s expense. Her face turns a bright shade of red. She’s clearly at a loss for words. Until…

She puts a hand on Joe’s bald head and rubs it and says, “Does your head get cold since you don’t have hair?”

And cut.

Impulsively I yelled at the big screen. “STOP TALKING! YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” The people sitting around me laughed and high-fived me.

I leaned over to Harley then and said, “Don’t be like that girl.”

“Mommy, she’s so dumb I’m embarrassed for her.”

Atta girl.

Apparently the boy behind us thought we wanted him in the picture

Anyway, long story short, Ethan had a great time. And now wants to learn how to race motorcycles.

Not a future dirt bike racer

Over my dead, decaying body. I’m buying that boy a doll. And he will play with it. And he will like it.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

gorillabuns February 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

You should have given her your “fart” shirt.
gorillabuns´s last blog post ..amberbot


Jaime February 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

My 3-year-old son is so, totally, stereotypically boy. He’s rough and rowdy and likes dirt and cars and pirate ships. But that little guy pours the best pretend cups of tea, gives the sweetest hugs, and out of the blue will say “I just love you so much, Mommy.” All of those things make me happy.
Jaime´s last blog post ..Talking about my hair again. What of it?


Bree February 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Ok, I have to know where you got an “I like to fart” shirt from. I must have one.
Bree´s last blog post ..How do you sleep?


rory February 21, 2012 at 9:58 pm

See what you started?
pssssttttt, Ethan?
Motorcycles are FUN. Go for it.
rory´s last blog post ..Really.


Rachel February 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Um…so we were watching tv last night and I saw a commercial for that (only here in Minnesota) and I turned to my husband and said “do people really go to those things?”. I shit you not. lol


Jessica February 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Just hope you don’t get one of those evil dolls that kill you in your sleep. I hate those.
Jessica´s last blog post ..Aurora’s New Dress


BF February 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Nothing like feeling stupid and then turning the focus to someone else.. nicely done, “Miss Monster Energy”. Wowsers.

But all in all, it sounds like it was a fun outing on behalf of Ethan.
BF´s last blog post ..My life captured


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