This morning something unusual happened to me while I was driving back from taking the two little ones to school.
Dressed in sweatpants and Ugg slippers (that could almost pass as shoes) and a t-shirt (no bra) and sweater, I almost passed the exit for home–on purpose. For a brief moment I contemplated driving East with no destination in mind. But just away from here.
There would be no made up story about being car-jacked and taken against my will. I wouldn’t tell people I had suddenly been afflicted with some sort of unexplainable amnesia. I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I would just drive as far away from here until I felt like coming home again.
I had my purse with me, so I had access to cash. I had my cell phone. But if I was running away from home (however brief) I probably wouldn’t answer it.
People would worry. They would wonder why I hadn’t met the fence guy or why I hadn’t shown up at school to pick up the kids. Where is she? They would wonder. Has something happened to her?
I couldn’t have people I love worry and wonder and blame someone for my actions. It’s not just about me anymore. Hell, it hasn’t been about me since…I don’t remember when.
I’m not unhappy. In fact, I would say I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to run away from home sometimes.
I’m tired.
You know?
I’m tired of being in charge. Of making all the decisions about everything.
I wonder what it’s like to wake up in the morning and not have anything (and I do mean ANYTHING) to do. Is it something you wonder too?
Driving East sounded like a good idea for about half a minute until I realized I can’t run away from home today. Tuesday is our busiest day of the week. There’s art, and acting, and homework, and…
Ultimately I think I decided to go home because I really needed to use the bathroom. And I can’t go to the bathroom anywhere but my house. The whole “I’m not wearing a bra” thing seemed to have no bearing on my decision to not run away from home. At all.
Which seems odd to me. But not really.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
My kids are young. I feel you. I want to run away from home at least three times a week.
Jaime´s last [type] ..Mothering
Been there, right down to the Ugg slippers! It’s about time we all admitted there are times in our life we just want to run away!
I don’t have kids but the urge to run away hit me last week. All I wanted to do was go quietly to some place where there was no stress!
I swear, as soon as my kids are old enough to wipe their own butts (and I get my driver’s license), I’m doing it. Although I’d probably leave a note. And a few dinners in the freezer. And make sure everyone had clean clothes for a few days… hunh. Okay, so maybe when they’re in high school.
Skwishee´s last [type] ..Beat The Clock.
I feel like running away almost every week. I only have a four year old daughter, but that’s all it takes to drive me crazy.
I often think, how nice it’d be to have no worries or big decisions to make for others. To be by myself again. I don’t even remember what it feels like anymore… to just take care of ME.
I stayed home yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well but my daughter decided to start teething like a maniac – screaming, crying, generally unhappy (which is unlike her). I was kinda excited about coming to work today!
KristenMV´s last [type] ..4 Months and 6 Days
I consider running away from home all of the time. I don’t drive, so I wouldn’t get very far.
I’m a stay at home housewife right now, and I can’t wait to finally move and get a job. I do nothing all day, play video games and I sometimes cook for my husband. I definitely take these days for granted, and I’ll miss them once I go back to work, but having nothing to do drives me insane sometimes. Not all the time (far from it) but sometimes. It’s actually kind of depressing.
I think having a good balance of busy and nothing days is essential, but I’m guessing it’s practically impossible if you have kids. :/
Jaime´s last [type] ..Challenge ACCEPTED!
So glad to know that I’m not alone in those thoughts… I’m actually running away this weekend, but I’m not sure if it counts since everyone knows where I’m going. I’m definitely not answering my phone though!!
Rachel´s last [type] ..“Function in Disaster, Finish in Style!”
Yeah.
But.
Love keeps pulling us back, right?
I feel like that a lot. I’m not sure what is up with it, but I really like some quiet calm time for me. Yep that is up with that.
actuary mom´s last [type] ..PSE