There’s a downside to being known as the “funny” one. People are constantly saying, “Quick, say something funny, Shauna.” And I’m all “Uh, pull my finger?”
And then they get that look of complete and utter disappointment on their faces like when you find out you didn’t win the lottery because seriously you really thought you had a shot at winning? C’mon people. Everyone knows the only people who win the lottery are old people living in trailer parks. Like *they* need the money. They’re OLD!
So now these people who come up to you and expect you to be funny don’t think you’re funny at all. In fact, now they think you’re kind of an asshole. Because all you could come up with was a stupid fart joke?
I’m not gonna lie. It’s a lot of pressure being in the funny business.
There’s a joke I like to tell people. Especially large crowds of people. It’s a nonsense joke. Meaning it makes no sense. Like at all. But people are so caught off guard by how much it doesn’t make sense that they laugh–like they get it. When there’s absolutely nothing to get. Because it’s a nonsense joke. So really, the joke is that I laugh hysterically on the inside at the fact that you think you *get* my joke.
Unless you’re nine. Then, the joke’s on me. Which is code for makes me want to punch myself in the face.
“Harley, do you want to hear a joke?”
“Sure! I love jokes.”
“OK. So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub.”
“At the North Pole?”
“No. Not specifically. It could be a bathtub anywhere.”
“But they need to be where it’s cold.”
“DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY JOKE OR NOT?”
“OK. So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One penguin says, ‘please pass the soap.’ The other one says, ‘what do you think I am, a radio?’”
“You’re not supposed to have a radio near water. You could get electrocuted.”
“Yeah, I know. You get it? He says ‘what do you think I am, a radio?’”
“Does the penguin die?”
“The one with the radio in the bathtub?”
“No. There’s no radio in the bathtub. He *thinks* he’s a radio.”
“That’s a really dumb joke. Or you’re telling it wrong.”
“I’m not telling it wrong. It’s a nonsense joke. You’re not supposed to get it. See? Funny!”
“I don’t think you should tell that joke anymore, Mommy.”
“Clearly you don’t understand how nonsense jokes work. You’re only nine.”
“I’m old enough to know what’s funny and what’s not funny…and that joke is not funny. You shouldn’t even call it a joke.”
“Well I’m just going to go tell my joke on the Internet.”
“You’re making a big mistake.”
PS. Do you have a nonsense joke to tell? Tell it here. We’ll all laugh to ourselves and marvel at how funny we’re NOT to nine year olds.