Two penguins in a bathtub

by Shauna on June 3, 2011

There’s a downside to being known as the “funny” one. People are constantly saying, “Quick, say something funny, Shauna.” And I’m all “Uh, pull my finger?”

And then they get that look of complete and utter disappointment on their faces like when you find out you didn’t win the lottery because seriously you really thought you had a shot at winning? C’mon people. Everyone knows the only people who win the lottery are old people living in trailer parks. Like *they* need the money. They’re OLD!

So now these people who come up to you and expect you to be funny don’t think you’re funny at all. In fact, now they think you’re kind of an asshole. Because all you could come up with was a stupid fart joke?

I’m not gonna lie. It’s a lot of pressure being in the funny business.

There’s a joke I like to tell people. Especially large crowds of people. It’s a nonsense joke. Meaning it makes no sense. Like at all. But people are so caught off guard by how much it doesn’t make sense that they laugh–like they get it. When there’s absolutely nothing to get. Because it’s a nonsense joke. So really, the joke is that I laugh hysterically on the inside at the fact that you think you *get* my joke.

Unless you’re nine. Then, the joke’s on me. Which is code for makes me want to punch myself in the face.

“Harley, do you want to hear a joke?”

“Sure! I love jokes.”

“OK. So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub.”

“At the North Pole?”

“No. Not specifically. It could be a bathtub anywhere.”

“But they need to be where it’s cold.”

“DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY JOKE OR NOT?”

“Yes!”

“OK. So two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One penguin says, ‘please pass the soap.’ The other one says, ‘what do you think I am, a radio?’”

“You’re not supposed to have a radio near water. You could get electrocuted.”

“Yeah, I know. You get it? He says ‘what do you think I am, a radio?’”

“Does the penguin die?”

“Which penguin?”

“The one with the radio in the bathtub?”

“No. There’s no radio in the bathtub. He *thinks* he’s a radio.”

“That’s a really dumb joke. Or you’re telling it wrong.”

“I’m not telling it wrong. It’s a nonsense joke. You’re not supposed to get it. See? Funny!”

“I don’t think you should tell that joke anymore, Mommy.”

“Clearly you don’t understand how nonsense jokes work. You’re only nine.”

“I’m old enough to know what’s funny and what’s not funny…and that joke is not funny. You shouldn’t even call it a joke.”

“Well I’m just going to go tell my joke on the Internet.”

“You’re making a big mistake.”

Stupid kids.

PS. Do you have a nonsense joke to tell? Tell it here. We’ll all laugh to ourselves and marvel at how funny we’re NOT to nine year olds.

Be Sociable, Share!

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Left Of Sean June 3, 2011 at 7:28 am

I’ve been telling the same joke for years to people who laugh at EVERYTHING. I love the reaction when they finally stop laughing and say, “huh?”

Glad to see there’s another person using the joke too!!

Reply

jack June 3, 2011 at 8:13 am

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

Not so much a nonsense joke as good advice.

Reply

Shauna June 3, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Very good advice, indeed!

Reply

Elizabeth June 3, 2011 at 8:47 am

The best nonsense jokes come from kids under the age of 5 (no offense intended!):

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ketchup

And yes, that is the end.

Reply

Jaedeanne June 3, 2011 at 9:26 am

Ooohh – that’s a good one! I love to tell stupid/nonsensical jokes like that when in awkward social situations, then laugh hysterically at myself – this ensures that you will be left alone the rest of the evening to do whatever you would like.

My go-to joke is:
Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkly?
Because if they were small, round, and white – they would be called ‘asprin’.

You’re welcome.
Jaedeanne´s last blog post ..Fun day at the zoo!

Reply

Left Of Sean June 3, 2011 at 11:00 am

LOVE IT!!! I must steal that one.

Reply

Shauna June 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

This made me laugh out loud. I love it!

Reply

Kenny June 3, 2011 at 9:26 am

Knock knocK
Who’s there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting Cow..
Moo!
my little Samshine’s fave
Kenny´s last blog post ..The Small things

Reply

Issa June 3, 2011 at 10:49 am

Sadly all of my jokes come from my nine and six year old…
Issa´s last blog post ..Monday…err Tuesday musings

Reply

bellawriter June 3, 2011 at 12:33 pm

What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What do moles and eagles have in common. They both live underground. Except eagles.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
To
To Who?
To *whom* (said while rolling eyes. Great for annoying any parents who ever hyped on correct language use.)
bellawriter´s last blog post ..Words of wisdom Or- maybe not wisdom exactly- but- well- you’ll understand in a minute

Reply

Shauna June 3, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I’m totally using these tonight at dinner. It’ll be a welcome change to my usual non-funny anecdotes.

Reply

BF June 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I can’t tell a joke to save my life… I’m the one that’s all “Ok, so this happens and then this happens… wait… Ok, so the first thing actually happened like this… and then this didn’t even happen, that was from a different joke… shit I give up… Well I can be funny, but structured funny just isn’t my thing.

Reply

BF June 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Ok, here’s one… So, these two antennas were getting married.
The wedding was great, but the reception was terrible! Da-dum… No?
BF´s last blog post ..When you cross the line and become a creeper

Reply

Shauna June 4, 2011 at 7:54 am

Awesome.

Reply

Becky Mochaface June 3, 2011 at 8:01 pm

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog post ..Book Review- Every Last One

Reply

hdjames June 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

That’s funny for not being funny. Those are my favorites.

Reply

Rae B. June 3, 2011 at 9:33 pm

So I have two jokes – the first is way too long and nonsensical.

How Many elephants fit in a volkswagen?
4 – two up front, two in the back.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
You can hear them talking.
How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
There is a volkswagen out front.

What are the two sexiest farm animals?
Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

Reply

rory June 3, 2011 at 10:16 pm

OK.
Jaedeanne’s go-to elephant joke makes me bark with laughter.
Sorry.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
But it does.
rory´s last blog post ..Stumble

Reply

Crystal June 4, 2011 at 7:31 am

I totally feel this way all the time. I am way funny, but if im trying to be funny, it just aint happening.
My favorite joke?
me-What material is my shirt made out of?

other person: Idk cotton?

me-Nope! Its felt! Feel it!

other person: (touches it) No its not?

me-It is now. HAHAHAHHA
Crystal´s last blog post ..Mothers Intuition

Reply

Nikki Mohamed June 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Q: What’s the difference between a lemon?
A: There’s no bones in ice cream!

yeah, well it was funny at last call….
Nikki Mohamed´s last blog post ..Symmetry is Overrated

Reply

Tabitha Cobb June 4, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Why did the Pope cross the road?
Because he crosses everything!

My mother told me that one and it’s now totally my fave.

Reply

Jen June 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

My favorite dumb joke:

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

Oh! And!:

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poke her face
(this one is only good when told out loud)

Reply

hdjames June 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I know I’m late to this party but my fav is:

A giraffe walks into the bar and says the high balls are on me.

Reply

Anna June 12, 2011 at 7:32 am

Q: When you’re walking through the woods, and a pedal falls off your bicycle, how many frogs are in the oven?
A: None, because ice cream doesn’t have any bones.
Also, the Tom Robbins classic:
Q: If a hen and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long does it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
He never wrote an answer to that one, though.
Anna´s last blog post ..Tiny Felt House with Apple Tree

Reply

Ammie June 14, 2011 at 10:51 pm

What did one strawberry say to another?
“If you weren’t so fresh, we wouldn’t be in this jam..”

AND

“What’s invisible and smells likes carrots?”
(I don’t know… what?)
“Bunny farts!”

Reply

rebecca June 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

how do you scare a bee??

boobee!

Reply

shaye February 25, 2012 at 6:46 am

This is how I tell a nonsense joke.
A man building a fireplace went to a brick yard to buy 999 bricks. The sales clerk said we only sell them in packs of 1000, the man said but I only need 999. The sales clerk said sorry sir that’s the way they are packaged. The man said alright fine I’ll buy the1000 pack. So he went home and built the fireplace and indeed only used 999. What do you think he did with the last brick?…..He threw it up in the air.

Two penguines are in a bathtub the penguine in the back says to the penguine in the front please pass the soap. The penguine in the front says what do you think I am a radio?

There is a lady on a plane with a loud yapping dog, the man sitting next to her is smoking a cigar, he finally says, lady will you shut that dog up? She says I can’t because every time you puff on your cigar she will bark, so put your cigar out! He refused and this back and forth went on for awhile, finally the lady says, okay I will throw my dog out of the plane window if you throw you cigar out as well. The man agreed. So she threw the dog out of the window and it landed on the wing of the plane, then the man threw his cigar out of the window. They looked out of the window and what do you think they saw in the dogs mouth?…..The brick from three jokes ago!

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Subscribe without commenting

Previous post:

Next post: