I know way too much about you and I don’t even know you. But I do. But I don’t. See my confusion?

by Shauna on March 7, 2011

This post will probably offend some of you. And…you may never come back here. I hate that I’m taking the risk and I just want to apologize in advance and say I hope you’ll be back. But I feel like I can’t be quiet about this subject anymore. It bothers me too much.

I wanna talk about this.

Why? Why? Why?

I don’t get it. Someone please explain this to me.

I love you people. I really do. I love America and I love my fellow man and I love driving on the highways of America *with* my fellow man, but I hate (HATE!) seeing this on the back of your mini van/car/winnebago.

Look. I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you are a family made up of a mom and dad and two girls and baby boy and a dog and a cat that wears glasses. But I don’t need to know this. What business of mine is it anyway? I care. I really do. Sorta. But only to the extent that I’m glad you’re not dead. Past that? I don’t care.

Now if you’re reading this and currently host these family stickers on the back of your vehicle:

A. Again, I’m sorry I’m not trying to pick on you personally. I’m sure you’re made of awesome.

B. Put down your laptop and GO REMOVE THESE STICKERS IMMEDIATELY

Seriously. I only say this because I love you. But I hate staring at the back of your car and learning your family tree while I’m behind you in carpool line.

It’s like you’re bragging. And no one likes a bragger.

PS. If you still like me you should totally visit my Happy Hour page for my brisket taco recipe. If you hate me now you should visit too. You will love me all over again. I promise.

Be Sociable, Share!

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Issa March 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

Hahahaha. I’ve thought this for years. Even worse are the ones with kids names. Hi, when you kidnap my kids, these are their names. Oh and the dogs and fishes name too, so you can easily lure them in. DUMB.

Reply

Susie March 8, 2011 at 10:30 am

I have thought that for YEARS! When I was in college and women started pasting the names of their kids and what sports they play on the back windows of their minivans/Explorers/Eddie Bauer Edition 4-Runners, my first thought was “wow, pretentious” and then that thought was immediately followed by “so when the pedophiles go to your little girl’s soccer game, he’ll know what name to call out to get her to look, and then he can snatch her up and take her into his panel van where he’ll do all kinds of despicable things to her…all because of your stupid sticker.”

Reply

kyran January 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

this is really dumb, take off the stickers. lets say a cerial killer comes through ur town, they see ur car in the driveway, with that they have a list of everyone in the house including pets. DO NOT GIVE THEM A LIST THAT THEY CAN MARK YOU OFF OF!!!!!

Reply

Grumble Girl March 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

Dude, I don’t even drive… so I think I’m safe. I do so loathe your wrath… you make me skairt!! *snort*
Grumble Girl´s last blog post ..Nothing Says I love You Like Weapons of Mass Destruction

Reply

Crayon Wrangler March 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

You are not alone! I always want to mark little Xs through them like the cartoon dog that marks through mail men on the side of his dog house.

It also lets me know (if I were “that” type of person) that when I follow you home and break in your house that you are probably going to be busy with your 2 boys, 1 baby girl, 1 dog and cat in glasses and I will be able to steal your jewelry box.
Crayon Wrangler´s last blog post ..Tea Party With A Wolf

Reply

Linette March 7, 2011 at 11:27 am

Yes!! Could not have said it better myself. Thank you!!

Reply

homemom3 March 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

I actually agree, but not because they are bragging. I have a big family myself but wouldn’t put those stickers on because like someone else said. Strangers can see this, sick people can see this, kidnappers will see this and it makes it so much easier to get the kids. But I also hate those darn stickers with the guy peeing. I mean what’s the point? I’m sure it is some cartoon I’m just not familiar with but still.
homemom3´s last blog post ..Mamavation Monday- Getting a Routine

Reply

Allison Zapata March 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

I hope my blog stick figures don’t fall into this category ;)

Reply

Shauna March 7, 2011 at 11:35 am

Of course not. Totally acceptable. :)

Reply

Jen March 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

My questions has always been this…what happens when the kids grow up? do you have to get new stickers? I mean, babies are only “babies” for like a year right?

I hate them too, in case that wasn’t clear.
Jen´s last blog post ..Katelyn – Month 3

Reply

Susan @ Sassafrassery March 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

THANK YOU!!!! I can’t stand those stickers and have announced (to those that would listen) that over my dead body will you ever find them on my car. Although, if I was dead, I guess I wouldn’t feel quite as strongly about them.
Susan @ Sassafrassery´s last blog post ..Flipping off Friday

Reply

ilinap March 7, 2011 at 11:34 am

I wholeheartedly agree!!! I also hate the car monogram. Must everything in the South be monogrammed, even your beaten up Subaru?

Reply

MrsD05 March 7, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Yes, everything in the south must be monogrammed. Little girls in the south are named as much for their monogram. The first thing I think of when someone tells me what they’re planning on naming their baby is to picture the monogram. :-)

Reply

miss tejota March 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

I’m so going to Hell for repeating this in an open format (okay, just for saying it at all) but when we walk by cars that have those stickers we always comment, “awesome, now we know exactly how many people we have to kill in that family before…” Depending on the day the final response will be different.

Yes, it’s very awful we even utter those comments, but the sticker just brings out the evil in us.

Reply

Sharon Heg March 7, 2011 at 11:37 am

I hear ya! I don’t hate the stickers per se, as much as I just don’t get them. In other words, WHY?
Sharon Heg´s last blog post ..Flash Mob Much Part 1

Reply

Josefina March 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

They are awful.

Reply

thepsychobabble March 7, 2011 at 11:39 am

I tease the husband by saying I will get these for his truck when he gets it done.
He threatened to put Republican bumper stickers all over my Jeep if I do.
thepsychobabble´s last blog post ..Roast Beast

Reply

Left Of Sean March 7, 2011 at 11:44 am

Those stickers are nothing but predator targets.
Left Of Sean´s last blog post ..Hey- what happened to my Beaver

Reply

jack March 7, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Bingo! We’ve said since we saw the first one that it’s like a takeout menu for pedophiles. “I see from your back windshield that your oldest isn’t in the car with you. Perhaps home alone?”

Ranks up there with the guy who showed his social security number on TV to prove how safe his security company was. He was the victim of identity theft at least twice.

Reply

Daisy March 7, 2011 at 12:00 pm

My husband and I have talked about this SO MANY TIMES. Isn’t it…dangerous? Unsafe? Spelling out your family dynamic and reminding your kidnapper to bring some drugged up steak to toss to Fido? The only thing worse is the family represented in humanized flip-flops.

I’m not kidding.

Reply

Britttany at Mommy Words March 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I always wonder how often you have to replace those babies too? I mean come on doesn’t the baby deserve a stand up stick figure once he goes to kindergarten? Too funny. There are at least 10 cars in my carpool with those.

Me? I’m thinking I just want to mac out my minivan with spinners and maybe a lightning bolt. Just to be really cool.
Britttany at Mommy Words´s last blog post ..Letting a 4 Year Old Make Her Own Choice

Reply

Susan March 7, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Oooohhh….pimp your mini-van. That would be cool! Actually, I’ve seen such a van….P.O.S. van with expensive spinners. Loved it!

Reply

Ashley Sisk March 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Actually, I think it goes a step beyond just annoying (and I don’t care one way or another), but I was watching Dexter 2 seasons ago…The killer used one of these indicators to identify his next victim. He looked on the minivan while the family walked away and remembered the kid’s name…he later found the kid in a park and called him by name claiming to know his dad. The kid certainly trusted him because how else would he know his name – I just think it’s dangerous!

Reply

cindy w March 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I think those stickers are totally obnoxious, but the ones that really irk me are the ones with the family members’ NAMES under each photo. You want to publicize your child’s name to strangers? Really? I just… AHH! No!

We were behind one mini-van with one of those stickers on it, and they had like 7 kids AND a whole bunch of pets. Their little cartoon stickers took up almost the entire back windshield. My husband and I were both like, “DUDE! Birth control! Look into it!” People are crazy.

Reply

karin March 7, 2011 at 12:30 pm

dont hate everyone who has them…i was behind one with 1 lady and 4 cats. i just felt bad for her…crazy cat lady…

Reply

Susan March 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

That’s just sad.

Reply

Elle @ Elle The Heiress February 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I always feel sad when I see those stickers.
Elle @ Elle The Heiress´s last blog post ..Mom Tip #1

Reply

Amanda G. March 7, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Thank you for having the courage to speak out against this atrocity. The more awareness that is brought to this debalitating illness the quicker we can recover as a society.

Thanks again for your saintlinessss.
Amanda G.´s last blog post ..So I Blocked Her Ass

Reply

Nancy March 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I personally don’t have much issue with these stickers so much, but it is the ‘Caution Baby on Board’ ones I really can’t stomach. I mean, does that make me LESS likely to smash into your car if I could help it??? Makes zero sense to me whatsoever. Or is it a reminder to stay clear cuz there is a Mommy Brain behind the wheel and Look the Hell out??? Not sure, but regardless I can’t stand that sticker…..

Reply

Tam March 8, 2011 at 7:24 am

Actually, they were originally designed before seat belts and car seats were compulsory so if the car was involved in an accident rescue workers would know to look for the baby in case he/she had been thrown from the car. So morbid, I know!

Reply

me March 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Slow blog day, eh? Why do you care and why would you write a blog about that? To each his own.

Reply

Adria March 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Don’t forget about the ones that have the kid’s name and sport jersey # on them. That way you know exactly which kid to refer to.

Reply

erica March 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Ugh I couldn’t agree more. AND it is so unsafe. This cops daughter would have a heart attack if he saw something like this on my car.

Reply

MK March 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I agree. I find these things reeeeeediculous. Although one mini van mom at my childs school had one of these same such stickers and went through a nasty divorce. Her passive aggressive – and yet funny way of telling the world her husband was no longer? She put a big red X in red duct tape through the dad figure! Horrible for the kids, and yet I had to chuckle.

Reply

Kenny March 7, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Gah! I hate them too. I always thought who are you advertising too…Pedophiles? ..Please follow my van young children on board for you to molest. Not to mention I want to by stick on mistresses I can put over top the dad!
Kenny´s last blog post ..It touched my heart

Reply

Jennifer March 7, 2011 at 3:40 pm

As a single mom of 2, those stick figure “look at our awesome family” car stickers always make me feel so inferior. I have to look away! But reading these comments, I feel so much better. Remember the 70s and 80s names on the back of the shirt scare? This is the same thing….parents are advertising to sickos. AND…I personally think the name stickers are ways for “witty” parents to show off how cool they are to name their kids such “interesting” and “unusual” names. I’m going heavy on the quotes here, too, btw. – j

Reply

Jen March 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

OMG, thank you. I mothereffing hate those damn stickers and the increasing usage of them. AND THEN! They had to go and come out with the Disney ones, where all the stick figures are wearing damn Mickey ears. Shoot me.
Jen´s last blog post ..Neighborly

Reply

Katie March 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I had them on my Pontiac Aztek but never got them for my current vehicle. It was cute when I had a traditional family but how am I going to do the dad, the step-dad, the son, the cat, the room-mate and the fish that always dies? Life can’t be categorized into little white figures.

And there’s no mom with a tattoo machine. :)
Katie´s last blog post ..Im having a puppy!

Reply

Adriane March 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Interesting to say that you care, “but only to the extent that I’m glad you’re not dead…” because I’ve actually spotted a few of these stickers where one of the kids or one of the parents had angel wings. Like, to indicate they are dead. Creeptastic.

Reply

jill March 7, 2011 at 5:05 pm

omg, eww. EWW. seriously?!

eww.
jill´s last blog post ..New Year- new plan

Reply

Hamlet Mistress March 7, 2011 at 6:19 pm

My husband and I carpool and we HATE those things. Because seriously? We just don’t cate. They rank right up there on our list of Things We Hate About Othets right next to the”In memory of (invert dead loved one’s name here) that people also put on their back windshield. Seriously? If I was that dead person I’d come back and whoop they ass so bad. It’s a fucking CAR!! What happens when you wreck it and don’t want to put in ANOTHER insurance claim so the car is just a sad broke down busted up hunk of junk?? Aw, just like grandma before she died. What a tribute.
Hamlet Mistress´s last blog post ..Words mean something

Reply

Becky Mochaface March 7, 2011 at 6:21 pm

I am so with you on this. My brother in law gave us these stickers for Christmas, and I REFUSE to put them on my car. Partly because I refuse to put any sticker on my car, including the HOA one so people know my car belongs in the neighborhood, but also because who gives a flying fuck about my family structure when they’re driving down 75?
Becky Mochaface´s last blog post ..Blue Thumb

Reply

Lisa March 7, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I say this good humoredly, count your blessings if that is the only thing you have to worry about. Wow. That’s not even on my radar.

Reply

rory March 7, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Dude.
I so totally agree so I’ll even go a little further and piss off even more people. Not only am I over the family stick figure shit and the R.I.P crap but I’m totally tired of the bows celebrating everything from autism to breast cancer to like, whatever. Enough with the bows already.
Did I just share that?
rory´s last blog post ..Feast

Reply

AmyBlam March 7, 2011 at 9:54 pm

I live in the south and here we get the extra special car stickers. Don’t get me wrong, we have the little stick families but we also have Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes, praying at gravestones, peeing on things-often NASCAR numbers and occasionally graves PLUS giant in memory of uncle bubba, 1900-2011. We also get them monograms which annoys me to no end. Really? Really? You have to have a hot pink interlocking monogram to figure out which car is yours?
AmyBlam´s last blog post ..Twattage to the stars-a sad little drag queen who lost her glitter

Reply

Hannah @ Peggy Ann Design March 7, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Here is exactly what goes through my head when i see those damn stickers:
“Dear creepy pedophile,
I have two children, a pre-teen boy and a grade-school girl. Billy likes soccer & he’s #9, so you can look for him there. Jane is a ballerina and since we live in this tiny town, its very obvious where she takes dance lessons. I bet the school’s schedule is public on their website for your convenience.
Sincerely,
The pregnant mom”

clearly, i hate them.

Reply

Kim March 7, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Thank goodness for you. I absolutely LOATHE those stickers.
Kim´s last blog post ..And on the seventh day- she rested

Reply

Rachel March 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

Thank you, thank you, thank you. When I first saw these, I was all “oh, that’s cute. Maybe I should get one.” Then I realized that putting a little stick figure me with just my dog on my car was pretty much an open invitation to be murdered in my sleep because then everyone would KNOW it was just me and my dog. And now I’m just annoyed that people keep showing the cuteness of their family lives in my face.
Rachel´s last blog post ..Dont look at me like that He asked for it!

Reply

Kadie March 8, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Exactly! Plus, I would never put them on mine because it’s really not a good idea to announce that you’re a single mother. It’s like saying, “Hi, please follow me home and break into my house and take my son. There’s nobody there but me, and ask you can see, I’m 5’1 and probably can’t overpower you. I may throw the fish tank at you, but you can probably dodge it.”

Reply

El Rey March 8, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Thank you for delving into this subject! The easiest way of making me hate someone is by telling me they have a stick-figure family on their SUV. I thought it was just me…

Also, the idiots with testicles dangling from underneath also bring about my wrath. I don’t have kids, but I would hate to answer the inevitable questions. Insensitive D-bags!

Reply

Jana A March 9, 2011 at 8:01 am

God, I hate those things. I also hate the Jesus fish that are a “mom, dad, kids, dog, blah blah blah”. And monograms. WHAT THE EFF? Why do you have to monogram your car? Thanks for speaking out for the rest of us!
Jana A´s last blog post ..When Your Shopper Calls In Sick

Reply

mmmVINO March 9, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I hate those too! Friggin turtle families, flip-flop families, blah blah blah. And I live in mormon country, so when I see a shitload of kid stickers I assume they are mormons, and really hope they are super cool drinking catholics. I did see one that was actually funny, it said “The Hole Family” and each sticker had a name such as: ass, butt, dick….get it? Funny!! But still annoying.

Reply

Alice March 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Amen to that. Almost as bad as the “Baby on Board” signs. So in this latest cutesiness incarnation, what will be the satirical version (e.g., “Mother-in-Law in Trunk”)?
Alice´s last blog post ..Worst Commute Ever

Reply

Iowamom March 9, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Any form of stickers/magnets on a vehicle is tacky. Only if it’s a service-type vehicle. Otherwise nobody cares and it’s nobody’s biz. :)

Reply

neeroc March 16, 2011 at 3:05 pm

The only reason I like those stickers is because it inspired someone to do this: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105×6890761
neeroc´s last blog post ..The world may have ended a little bit

Reply

jackie April 10, 2011 at 7:44 am

Wow! Such hostility. I came across your article while using StumbleUpon this morning and your anger prompted me to take a quick peek at your homepage. I find it interesting that you openly share the details of your life in your blog will millions of us out here in cyberspace and yet take such offense to those who choose to express themselves with some silly, harmless stickers.
FYI: The “pedophiles and creepies” don’t need to see stickers on your car to know that you have kids . They can probably see your kids SITTING. IN. THE. CAR. lol

Reply

jackie April 10, 2011 at 7:48 am

Wow! Such hostility. I came across your article while using StumbleUpon, and your anger prompted me to take a quick peek at your homepage. I find it interesting that you openly share the details of your life with millions of us out here in cyberspace, and yet take such offense with those who choose to express themselves with some silly stickers.
FYI: The “pedophiles and creepies” don’t need to see stickers on your car to know that you have kids. They can probably see your kids SITTING. IN. YOUR. CAR. lol

Reply

emi July 27, 2011 at 9:10 am

i’m going to be even more unpopular here and say i hate anything with monogrammed names or initials on it. for some of the safety reasons listed above, but mostly because i just think monogramming is tacky and pretentious. who cares what your name is?
of course i’m sure i’m the odd one out here and so is my poor plain tote bag at the pool; eternally snubbed by the KRAs JHAs LGMs and EHBs. sigh.

Reply

oneyouroffendedwithyourstupidity August 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

Seriously, like someone who was looking for a child to rape wouldnt be sitting on the side of the road or in his/her car watching your as you unload a child from your NON STICKERED CAR!!!!ROTFL. Names I can understand, I wouldnt put my kids names Just like people do bumper stickers for VOTE OBAMA, or even a license plate with butterflies. Who freakin cares. Its personality and its not YOUR car. It doesnt affect people unless instead of driving you I dont know stare at all the vehicles that piss you off rather then do what you need to and that is Mind your own business and drive your car. Ignorance. Everyone seems to think that people should do what they think is right and take offense to those who happen to do what they want to. I might not like the way you look with bangs….That doesnt mean I am going to bash all on a dumb blog about the bangers who look like trash! BLAH!

Reply

Elle @ Elle The Heiress February 3, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Well, actually, it does affect other people. Such as, anyone who is stuck behind you in traffic and has to look at your little stick family. If you want people to “mind their own business” then maybe you shouldn’t be putting your business on the back of your car? Just a thought.
Elle @ Elle The Heiress´s last blog post ..Mom Tip #1

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 1 trackback }

Subscribe without commenting

Previous post:

Next post: