I guess by now you’ve heard about the trapped miners. I can’t remember where they’re trapped…China, maybe? Anyway, the location doesn’t really matter. What matters is what I heard on the news. That they could be trapped in the mine hole thingy for FOUR MONTHS.
I was watching the latest footage on CNN when my doorbell rang.
It was my cousin Aaron.
I let him in and immediately shared my concern for the miners.
Never mind that he was *just stopping by* to drop off an invitation.
“Come over here and look at the TV. Isn’t this awful?”
“Yes, it’s terrible. I can’t imagine what they’re going through.”
“And they’re going to be down there FOR MONTHS. What if one of the miners is pregnant? She needs to see her doctor. She could run out of prenatal vitamins….and OH MY GOD WHAT IF SHE GOES INTO PREMATURE LABOR?!”
There was a look on my cousin’s face I’ve never seen before. On anyone.
“What is it?”
“You seriously think that a PREGNANT woman is one of the miner’s trapped in the mine shaft?”
“It’s possible.”
“No. I’m pretty sure there aren’t many women miners and I’m even MORE SURE that they wouldn’t let a PREGNANT WOMAN be a miner.”
“But..”
“No.”
“I think…”
“Stop thinking.”
I turned my attention to the television screen again.
“Don’t even go there. I’ve seen you do this, Shauna. You take some relatively normal story and turn it into Shauna’s Circus for Idiots.”
“Hey, that’s a good line. Can I use it?”
Sigh. “Sure. Here’s the invitation to the wedding.”
“Awesome. Thank you. So. If there’s no pregnant miner trapped in the hole, and they’re going to be down there for months, don’t you think that by the end of the ordeal someone WILL be pregnant? I mean there’s nothing else to do down there.”
“There are no women miners trapped in the shaft.”
Me, laughing hysterically.
“What’s so funny?”
“You said shaft.”
And then I don’t know what happened, but he left. Just like that.
I love fall weddings. Don’t you?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
okay, that *is* funny. And now I’m picturing a miner’s version of prison love because really, what else is there to do?
Seriously, that would freak me the fuck out though. NO THANKS.
Bellawriter´s last [type] ..The last day of August
You aren’t right, but I love it.
Aly´s last [type] ..Living the Dream
You’re nothing if not consistent.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last [type] ..This should have been written yesterday
Heehee, you said shaft.
Becky Mochaface´s last [type] ..Hump Day Humor- Worst Football Play in History
Who’s the black private dick That’s a sex machine to all the chicks? SHAFT! Ya damn right!
Was the girl in the mine Sissy Spacek because she was a coal miners daughter. Also, I do know that if she wasn’t pregnant when she went into the mine, she would be when she comes out.
HAHAHA…and by the way, fall wedding are divine, are they not?
I’m a new reader, and this was a great post. Thank you for it. And thank you for laughing at the word “shaft” because that makes me laugh even harder. And I’m pregnant so I just peed a little from said laughing.
Tricia´s last [type] ..Trust
Shauna, you are too funny! Must buy your new book…
I am not pregnant, praise God, but had a 10 lb baby (plus
two more not small spawn) ions ago. I still peed a little while because the laugh was unexpected…you did indeed say “shaft.” Glad I didn’t have to cough! Also, my contact came flying out…a frequent problem, though I REFUSE to wear reading glasses because I am in denial of my almost age of 44. Note to self: wear a pad while reading Shauna’s posts!
Loved it. And keep it up. I was thinking of getting your book, but would I need an adult diaper? This may be why I don’t blog, only lurk at some favorite places.
I am having a Fall wedding because I think they’re devine too!
My fiance is an elevator mechanic and loves to wear a t-shirt his brother bought him that says “eleveator mechanics have quality shafts”. I try to make sure it never leaves the house, but one time my mother dropped by when he was cutting the lawn in it, and after she read it she grimaced and said “that’s disgusting”. Guess you should have called first mom!
“I’ve seen you do this…” That’s fucking hilarious. He’s right, you know. You are good at Shauna-fying stories and of course it makes them more interesting.
There’s something different about you. Hmmm. A new haircut? No, that’s not it. New shoes? No. I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Wait! I’ve got it … I love that new layout on you!
Rachel´s last [type] ..Somethings been bugging me
Good for you!
omg shauna, where do you come up with this shit?
rachel´s last [type] ..fix it friday
“Shaft” doesn’t get me. “Vagina” makes me giggle. “Member” still makes me giggle too.
And of course, people falling down makes me guffaw.
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