The last few days I’ve been in New York City for the Blogher 2010 conference.
And while I loved loved loved every minute of it, there’s a problem.
I haven’t…you know…*gone* to the bathroom.
Since Wednesday.
Today is Sunday.
My question? If I’ve eaten at least three times a day for the past five days, why have I not died yet? I mean I’m no mathematician but I figure I’m carrying around at least 30 extra pounds.
At least.
In case you need more proof, I’ve attached a photo.
Me, on the potty.
I bet you thought you'd never see a picture of me like this, huh. My parents will be so proud.
And then…well…nothing.
Clearly there's something wrong with me
Anyway. The story of my chronic constipation is turning into the longest novel in recorded history.
PS. You still can’t believe I posted a pic of me trying to *go* to the bathroom, can you.
PPS. I’m a little surprised I did it myself.
PPPS. I blame my colon. It’s causing me to make bad decisions.
PPPPS. I really need American Airlines to hurry and get me home. I could blow any second.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I hear you.
like, TOTALLY.
I travel with my Wallgreens glicerin suppositories because there is no way I am gonna poop in a toilet that is not mine without help.
So fucking glamorous!
Vanilla North´s last [type] ..change of property green 7
I fear the photos in the follow-up post.
You’re so full of shit.
Hamelet’s Mistress´s last [type] ..I Can Hear the Banjos Already
Do you always wear those boots?
I’m so proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. i am respectfully requesting no follow-up pictures. seriously. please.
also how is it possible that you still look hot while sitting on the toilet?
I always bring stool softener with me when I travel. Wish I didn’t have to go there, but I could also harbor several days worth of meals. Not helpful when I am already wearing fat-day clothes.
The Sweetest´s last [type] ..Pubescent Porn- Anyone
I used to have the same problems until I realized how lucky I was to have 5 uninterrupted minutes on a hotel toilet. Now that’s one of the best parts of vacations.
i pity the other people on that flight. because you KNOW you’re going to have to go, in the smallest stinkiest bathroom ever.
MommaKiss´s last [type] ..A Moment
I think this is my fault. Apparently I’ve been doing all of the pooping for you, as well as all 2400 BlogHer attendees. Seriously. Maybe it’s because I drank some of the tap water? Is NYC water like Tijuana’s? Because OMG. Dying. I used an entire travel-size bottle of Lysol and an entire scented candle. My poor, poor roommates.
I can’t believe that you posted a pic of yourself non~pooping. Gutsy. I lurrrv a gutsy gal.
Smoochies,
~SB
I swear, traveling does this to people. How do you still manage to look hot even on the toilet. Shit. heh.
mel´s last [type] ..I love this routine It gives me chills each time I watch it
I love talking about poop, or the lack thereof. Have I got a ditty for you!
I had surgery a few months ago, girlie bits shit. Then I was on painkillers. Painkillers back you up! You’d think surgery would stop me from eating but nothing can ever really do that. The day after my surgery was my birthday. I wanted Mexican. So we went and ate it, it’s like a 1/2 hour drive from home. On the way out of the restaurant, my stomach starts gurgling. I’m thinking there’s no way I won’t make it home, I’m backed the fuck up! Half way there, I’m clenching. I’m having stomach pain like I’m in labor. My husband is driving and my three kids are in the back and I’m moaning and groaning and clenching and sweating and cursing… It was a site, indeed!
I get home and make a break for the toilet. I’m sitting there in pain from hell when I realize….. My explosiveness is hidden behind the barrier that is my stopped up painkiller induced constipation. FUCK!
I’ll stop there. There was a lot of yelling and tears and well, shit.
You can thank me for the visual later.
Pamela´s last [type] ..Post-It Note Tuesday – - McDonalds Can STICK It!!
Oh Shauna… that toilet bowl looks like a giant sphincter.
Shauna… this is your sister. Dude, airplanes give you gas and make you constipated! Not that we aren’t gassy enough as it is. Oh, and this is Jen. I had to tell you since we’re all 3 super gassy. Anyway, it’s true and since you travel so much it probably aggravates the sitch. I would tell you to try (our) ritual of coffee and a cig but you don’t smoke, which is good! But you really should have your colon checked for scar tissue. Remember when I had that surgery and the doc said my adhesions were so bad that my colon was stuck to my abdominal wall? I was constipated my whole life until he clipped it. Been fine ever since
So I’ll see you Tuesday for your poop shoot 
Literally… Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Hey be sure to bring those red pumps. They’ll look really hot!!!
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