For the record, I hate Taco Bell. Taco Bell *wishes* it served digestible food, but sadly, it falls short. Which is why I don’t understand why I sometimes go there. I blame the fact that when I’m driving in the direction of fast food it is the first eating establishment I come across (that’s what she said).
Anyway, the short version of this story goes like this: Taco Bell likes having sex with monkeys. There… I said it.
I’m sure some of you will stop reading right there because really, what else is there to say.
But for the rest of you who *need* further explanation into the Taco Bell Monkey Sex thing…here you go.
My most recent trip thru the Taco Bell drive-thru:
Girl: Welcome to Taco Bell. Would you like to try a crunch-wrap burrito today?
Me: No thank you. Hold on just a second.
Girl: Take your time. It’s not like I have anything better to do.
Now I feel pressure to hurry. What am I hungry for. Hmmm. Let’s see. Burrito? Nachos? Taco salad? Ooh, tacos.
Me: Hello?
Girl: (sigh) Go ahead, ma’am.
Me: I would like 2 crispy beef tacos with sour cream and a medium Diet Pepsi
Girl: Is that it?
Me: Yes. Thank you.
Girl: So you want 2 soft tacos, no tomato. And a medium Pepsi. Will that be all?
Me: No. That’s not what I ordered. I said 2 CRUNCHY tacos ADD sour cream. Keep the tomato. And a DIET Pepsi.
Girl: That’s what I said ma’am. Pull around.
Me: No. That’s NOT what you said. You didn’t get it right AT ALL.
Silence.
And now there are four cars behind me.
Me: Hello?
Girl: Hold on ma’am. I’m having to start over since you changed your mind.
Me: Wait. What? I didn’t change my mind. I said 2 crunchy tacos with sour cream. And a Diet Pepsi. That’s like the easiest order in the history of fast food.
Girl: Ma’am, I said hold on please.
And now there are six cars behind me. And apparently they all hate me. The worst part? I don’t even want the stupid tacos anymore.
Me: Should I pull around?
Girl: Ma’am. Please be patient. I am TRYING to get your order put in the computer right. It’s confusing when people change their minds after the order’s been put in.
Me: But…
Girl: OK. So that’s 2 soft tacos, hold the tomato. And a medium Pepsi. That’ll be $3.57. Drive around.
I was about to correct her YET AGAIN, but glanced in the rear view mirror and counted eight cars.
I pulled my car around to the pick-up window and handed the headset-wearing-Mensa-candidate my debit card. She looked at me and smiled and said, “You don’t order fast food often do you, Sugar?”
What was she saying? That *I’M* the idiot? And, uh, YES, I do.
But I said nothing. I wanted to. But she was like three of me and I wasn’t in the mood to get my ass kicked. Instead I reached for the bag of food I didn’t order and said Thank You. Can you believe that shit? I said THANK YOU.
As I drove away I was tempted to slam my car into the side of a building. But I didn’t because I remembered the season premier of Entourage was coming on later that evening and I sure as shit didn’t want to miss it.
So.
Instead I drove home with 2 soft tacos hold the tomato. And a Pepsi.
I walked in the door to find Ethan standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m hungry,” he said.
“Want a taco?”
Upon hearing the word “taco” he slammed the fridge door and came running towards me. Out of fear for my safety I handed over the bag and said, “You can have both of them. Just don’t hurt me.”
He grabbed the bag and sat on the floor. As he pulled the first taco out his face suddenly changed.
“What is this?”
“It’s a taco.”
“This is not a taco.”
Yeah. I know.
“It’s a soft taco. And look! No tomato. Just like you like it.”
“Tacos aren’t soft.”
Again. I know. You should tell that to the genius working the drive-thru at Taco Bell.
He wads up the *taco* in the wrapper and throws it back in the bag and hands it to me.
“I’m hungry,” he said.
“Me too, Buddy. Wanna go get something to eat?”
“Uh-huh. But can I order the food this time? You did not do it right.”
Sure. Knock yourself the fuck out.
Punk.
PS. Let’s not even talk about why the title of this post is Auto Draft. It would be futile since I have no explanation other than I can’t sleep and it’s pretty much Taco Bell’s fault. But the title is *supposed* to say I think some days you’re just not supposed to eat: Is this title even remotely grammatically correct?: It’s hard to tell, it’s 3 am.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
You act surprised.
I mean, they ARE working at Taco Bell.
What do you expect?
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – June 27- 2010 =-.
This is why I wind up shouting into the drive-thru speakers most of the time. And? After this person finishes her shift at Taco Bell, I’m pretty sure she works another one at Party Warehouse. Judging from my experience on Saturday while trying to order 11 silk Chinese mandarin hats. Don’t ask.
.-= apathy lounge´s last blog ..If loving you is wrongI dont want to be right =-.
I love Taco Bell but rarely go. Ours is combined with KFC and they are S-L-O-W. I sat in the drive through one time for 20 minutes.
I don’t understand haw they can repeat the order correctly then when I open the bag, it’s half wrong. Always the bottom half. The half I don’t see until I have already driven the half hour back home.
That’s why I only go twice a year when I have taken leave of my senses.
.-= sarah´s last blog ..Getting To Know You =-.
OMG ours is combined with a KFC too! In what universe do you want to order your deep fried heart attack chicken from a place that smells like guacamole? Mmm. Guacamole.
I think I want some nachos. But I don’t want to smell chicken and gross macaroni salad. Grr.
.-= bellawriter´s last blog ..The Official Re-cap- and wedding stuff =-.
worst service ever. slow and wrong half the time. so glad we have chipoltes and qdobas now.
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..pimpin a painter =-.
Oh great, now I want Taco Bell for lunch. I used to have to drive 1.5 hours for that shitty service, now they’re right around the corner from my office.
.-= neeroc´s last blog ..If bigger is better- chocolate makes everything better =-.
Okay, here is a shocker- born and raised in Texas, lived there for 30 years. Never had Taco Bell. Now I know what I was missing.
.-= The Sweetest´s last blog ..Yeah… Like- So =-.
I love my taco’s soft. They are much easier to eat on the go. I would have eaten your taco’s for you.
.-= Christen´s last blog ..Happy Fathers Day- =-.
ROFLMAO!!!!
I’ve been to that f’ing Taco Bell — which we actually call Taco Hut since it is half Taco Bell half Pizza Hut. Like WHAT? Oh well. At least they don’t share space with Kentucky Fried Chicken too, making it a Kentucky Fried Taco Hut. The service blows there all the time. And the pizza? Tastes like taco meat.
You’re the dialogue writing queen.
LOL I have never had that happen but it is hysterical!! I have been given an entirely wrong order on accident….or not????
.-= Francis A´s last blog ..Had to be You- =-.
Absolutely freaking hysterical. And infuriating. And either say something or take her picture so we can properly ridicule her next time.
.-= Elle Kasey´s last blog ..Dog Daze of Summer 2010 =-.
Wow, this entry infuriated me. I really shouldn’t let other people’s experiences in stupidity get to me like that, but when you deal with shit like this on a regular basis, it’s kind of hard.
And she called you sugar, as if that’s not patronizing enough.
.-= statia´s last blog ..Story time =-.
You got the Bon Qui Qui of Taco Bell cashiers there. I half expected to hear she yelled for security half way through your ordering process.
You’re the asshole, you know. You ordered wrong and you should have given her at least $20 for her troubles.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Go Ask THE DAVER- =-.
I have my own TB story where they drive-thru girl told me I shouldn’t eat TB b/c it’s bad for me.
I shit you not.
pee ess: the title shows correctly in my reader.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Giving away the gay =-.
Personally, I think she did it on purpose just to fuck with you.
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