Every morning I stand in my closet perusing the clothing options.
It’s not as much fun as it used to be.
Mostly because ALL MY CLOTHES ARE TOO SMALL.
When I first realized everything was fitting more snugly I was like how did I shrink ALL of my clothes?
And then Ethan walked by and poked me in the butt and said, “Your butt is big.”
(No one has seen him since. Don’t look in my bottom dresser drawer.)
So after *dealing* with a certain 4 year old issue, I decided to step on the scale. It was something I hadn’t done in awhile.
Well, that’s because last summer when I broke down and weighed myself I took that lying son of a bitch no good bathroom scale out to the driveway and ran over it with my humongous SUV. Because in my book liars will always be dealt with accordingly.
For months I didn’t have a scale, worried that continually running over things with my car might cause permanent damage to my psyche car.
But on a recent trip to Target I decided it probably wouldn’t hurt to own one. You know, for the other people in my house. Just because there was a scale in my bathroom didn’t mean I had to use it.
And then I did.
GASP!
I thought, this can’t be right.
I put down my cupcake. I took off my shoes, my socks, my workout clothes and my ponytail holder.
And then I stepped up again, closed my eyes, and begged the universe please, please, please.
It was actually higher than it was before.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I weighed FIFTEEN pounds more than I did this time last year.
How is this even possible?
I run every other day.
OK, three times a week.
Well lately it’s been so hot and humid (Thanks Texas) that I haven’t been running as much.
But I go to the gym a couple of times a week and use the elliptical machine.
Horrified and disgusted by my jiggly thighs and squishy butt, I decided to keep a food log that day.
coffee, fat free creamer, 2 Splenda
run 6 miles
protein shake
take the kids to McDonald’s
grilled chicken salad with a teeny tiny bit of ranch dressing
kids get up to go play
half a cheeseburger, 4 chicken nuggets, 27 fries
diet coke
drive around all afternoon taking this kid this place, picking up that kid from that place, yada yada
turkey meatloaf, peas, salad, and 3 helpings of mashed potatoes that I also spread on two slices of bread for the most delectable mashed potato sandwich you’ve ever had
bottomless glass of wine
birthday cake (without the icing of course)
So see?
I don’t get it.
I eat so super healthy. Salad after salad after mother frickin salad.
I should be LOSING weight the way I’m going.
Maybe I’m over thinking it. Maybe my calorie count is SO LOW that my body is revolting by holding on to every tiny calorie I’m taking in and turning it into fat.
That’s the only explanation for the fifteen pounds.
I’m stumped. And I can’t button my jeans.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
It is as if I WROTE THIS.
I hear ya. I know your pain.
For now I am going to blame my thyroid or something like those other people when they get to the Biggest Loser show and they act like it is perfectly NORMAL to way as much as a small car.
Whatever.
But yeah. I put on the Blogger 15 too. And IT SUCKS. Plus I think I am a dyslexic anorexic. I look in the mirror and think ‘hey I am hot!’ and then the damn scale brings me back to reality.
.-= Marcy from The Glamorous Life Association´s last blog ..Pop the top. OOO it is fizzy inside! =-.
I had the EXACT same problem this morning.
Your butt? For the record? Looks FABULOUS.
OH for the love, I’m so pissed at my jeans. But wait – how can you wear jeans in that humidity? I’d stick with yoga pants. They don’t fight back.
.-= MommaKiss´s last blog ..WORDY wednesday =-.
My wardrobe has shrunk considerably over the past year as well. I blame my medication. Oh and the lying scale. Because I’m convinced it can’t be the cheesecake.
.-= Becky (Ms Batman)´s last blog ..Summer repeats of a different nature =-.
Oh I hear ya sista!
Still trying to get out of maternity clothes
My youngest is four
What?
Maybe I should start breast feeding her again!
It’ll be a workout just getting her in the ‘football’ hold for feeding
Fuck that – anyone got a baby I can borrow?
.-= Jenny Talia´s last blog ..video of the week =-.
It’s BP’s fault.
I know, right! I haven’t had a soda in a week. No caffeine in a week! These pounds should be melting off, dammit! I refuse to believe this has anything to do with the half bag of peanut butter m&ms, container of gummi bears, the bag of pretzels with cheese dip and sandwich on extra thick white bread for lunch. Oh and the half a cow for dinner. Followed by the brownie batter. And then a brownie.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..You and Me Against the World =-.
I turned 40 in February. I swear to Gawd, an hour later I was 10 pounds heavier. And I can’t get rid of it. Every day I find that the Search for Pants That Fit is yet another New and (not so) Exciting Adventure.
.-= Denise´s last blog ..When in Rome… =-.
OMG. I just broke down and spent all my midget porn money on one too. (BBB) and im very angry now. Some sick bastard has been putting lead in my food. lol I bought a glass one so the feeling i could bleed to death at any time was always there if i wanted it. roflmao
this is why i have 3 sizes of jeans in my closet. just sayin’…
.-= TexasRed´s last blog ..Benny And Shrimp by Katarina Mazetti =-.
OK…you can completely use this for a blog topic, because…ahem…you are going to completely fall on the floor laughing at this. So the small town I where I grew up has one good clothing store where the clientelle is mostly over 50, well, maybe 70. My grandmother pre-paid for me a present there and told me to go pick it out. She also told me about a new line of jeans there called (not making this up) “Not Your Daughters Jeans”…now my daughter is only three, so thats not that hard, but you can tell where this is headed, right??? After trying on a few dresses, I decided to try on the re-branded “tummy tuck” jeans…and oh my God!!!!!!!!! They were sooooooooooo comfortable! And I am not yet 40 years old!!!! So, please dont tell anyone, but I am no longer worried about the pooch that I tell my kids they caused on a regular basis. It is well hidden in a pair of tummy tuck jeans, folded up to mimic fashionable denim clam diggers, encrusted with rhinestones at the bottom! Somebody save me, I may go back and buy more!!!!!
OOOOhh – “Not your daughter’s jeans” are magic pants, right there. Seriously, google and go try some on. They are friggin’ amazing!
It is all about portion control:
http://consumerist.com/2010/06/like-juice-boxes-for-winos-single-serve-wine-glasses.html
Enjoy!
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your food log is fantastic. lol
I am chalking this up to aging (the dreaded phenom). No, I don’t run like I used to, but I am also carrying a kid around half the day, which is hard enough work to give me semi-chronic hip pain. Oh, and I am not aging in the womanly sense, like getting a big ass an hips and boobs. In fact, they are getting smaller. I am s-l-o-w-l-y becoming one of those thin elderly men, with a gut and no ass.
.-= The Sweetest´s last blog ..Tropical Smoothie Pops =-.
hahaha! you set down your cupcake and took off your workout clothes. i wear “workout clothes” quite often. though i have never in my life actually “worked out”.
I actually didn’t know mashed potatoes were good in a sammich. We had mashed tonight. There’s leftovers…I wonder what will be my late morning snack tomorrow.
Ha ha, love ya like I loved my 16yr old waistline.
.-= Bellawriter´s last blog ..Hell Week Update =-.
OMG I LOVE THIS! Not the fact that you gained 15 pounds but the fact that we eat the same way! Also, I just did a post similar, that you might like/relate to, about me lying on my new Arizona driver’s license …
http://manicmommy.blogspot.com/2010/06/zoni.html
Plus, my mom was just in town and she asked me if I had a scale and I said no. Then I told her, “Why bother to weigh yourself, You certainly didn’t lose any weight while you were visiting me!” That did not go over too well! Can’t wait to find out more about your book! Steph
.-= MaNiC MoMMy´s last blog ..BooKiNG WiTH MaNiC =-.
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