I’m probably the only person who comes to Las Vegas and doesn’t see the inside of a casino.

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So I find myself out of town. Again. But this time, it’s not for work, or for play…it’s for soccer. And there’s no better place to have a soccer tournament than LAS VEGAS, am I right?

My 16 year old daughter and I flew out yesterday afternoon. The flight was uneventful, which in my opinion, is the only way to fly. We don’t need any drama, American Airlines! The only remarkable thing that occurred on the flight was this series of questions thrown at me by my daughter–who, you need to know, was sitting next to the window.

“What is that white stuff?”

“Um, clouds?”

“No, MOTHER. On the ground. Is that snow?”

I looked over her shoulder. “That’s sand.”

“There’s WHITE SAND in other places besides the beach?”

“I don’t know. I guess.”

“I think it’s snow.”

“Whatever.”

The captain comes over the loud speaker and says, “Folks, if you look out the right side of the aircraft you’ll see the Grand Canyon.”

She moves closer to the window and squints. “I don’t see the Grand Canyon. All I see are huge holes in the ground.”

“That’s the Grand Canyon.”

“It IS?”

“Yes. Get it? Canyon?”

“Hmm. I guess I didn’t know what ‘canyon’ meant.”

“You’re in 10th grade. You haven’t learned that yet?”

“I was probably absent that day.”

“Very funny.”

She looks out the window again, then turns back to me and makes a face. “Why is the Grand Canyon such a big deal? It looks boring to me.”

Sigh.

We land. FINALLY. Oh and side note but very important note: I bought the last bottle of wine on the plane. ON THE PLANE. And I was on Row 16. Can you imagine how many pissed off sober people were seated in Rows 17-32?

I shudder to think.

So. We got our bags and headed to the car rental place. I stood at the counter and waited and waited. After seeing people come and go and I’m still waiting, I said to the man, “Um, what’s the deal? Do you not have a car for me?” He punches more keys on his computer and then says, “We have no more mid size cars. I’m very sorry, but you’ll have to take one of our Camaros.”

Come again?

Inside I’m all, “Yeah, bitches! Look at me!”

But what I really said was, “Well, if I must.”

So. We drove out of the airport in Las Vegas driving a bright yellow brand new Camaro.

We are SO rockin the fast car it’s not even funny.

Now, we’re headed to the soccer fields for Game 1.

And I’m on laundry duty. Which means after the game I get to drive to the laundromat and wash 17 smelly uniforms and SOCKS. DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF MY GLAMOROUS LIFE!

Also, there’s NO way I can screw up royal blue uniforms, right? RIGHT? God. The pressure.

PS. It would be MY daughter who straightens her hair before the game.

PPS. Seriously, I can’t ruin the clothes, right?

PPPS. If you live in the Las Vegas area and would like to make a quick 50 bucks and are great at doing laundry, meet me at the laundromat.

I’m scared. Because we all know what happened the LAST time I was given a duty. I got LOST with 5 team members in my car and made them 45 minutes late to practice. I guess they figure I can handle something as simple as washing clothes that are ALL THE SAME COLOR.

Amateurs.