So I was getting out of the car the other day and like any other normal person I slammed my left boob in the door.
OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I immediately cried out from the burning, searing pain that radiated from the boob area down out the bottoms of my feet.
My 7 year old yelled out, “Mommy, you OK?”
I stood up then and began massaging my injured area.
I was SURE I had popped my implant. Side note: If you didn’t already know I had implants you do now. Sorry Dad.
I cupped my left boob in my left hand and my right boob in my right hand to see if they were different now.
Harley cocked her head to the side and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Um, I’m trying to see if I deflated my left boob.”
“What does deflated mean?”
“Uh, to let the air out.”
“Your boobs have AIR in them? That’s weird.”
“Well, OK, not air. It’s more like water.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will when you get to be about 25 and realize flat chestedness runs in our family.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Do my boobs look like they’re the same size?”
She studies them, one at a time, closing one eye and then the other, looking left, then looking right. I poked my chest out further.
“Well?”
“They look the same to me.”
Phew.
“But Mommy, were you serious when you said you have water in your boobs?”
“Uh….Yes.”
Her eyes lit up then and she nodded her head and said, “I bet you can float REALLY good.”
Why yes. Yes I can.
I can just picture them asking you for a drink one day when they’re really thirsty and other sources of thirst-quenchiness are not readily available.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Month 4 Day 10
And also, exactly how does one go about slamming one’s boob in a door? Just curious in case I ever have to write a how-to essay on it.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Month 4 Day 10
That is so classically beautiful, I don’t even know what to say.
I, one time, slammed my husband’s package in the door. It was a freak accident with everything lining up in just the freakiest of right times in the karmic universe. I couldn’t do it again, if I tried. But, it wasn’t so bad, because it was only our third date and so, after he was able to get off the ground, he pretended like it was no problem. And now, it’s a great story to tell!
I hope your boobie is okay.
joann mannix´s last blog ..Bite My Gobble-Gobble
Sooo funny! Love the awkward conversations that normal (and NOT so normal) life brings. Still not sure how you slam your boob in a car door, but I fully believe it is possible.
I’m sure your husband will gladly gage the size and shape to make sure no permanent damage was incurred.
I think if they can be used to save your life in a drowning emergency, insurance should pay for them. Just sayin.
I once almost got “attacked” by a fake-boobed woman who got a little too close to me in the supermarket line: it left a bruise.
But, seriously, your daughter doesn’t have to worry; flat-chestedness seems to run every other generation.
Or is that just in my family?
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Every breakup is a lesson learned
You put on make-up killer quick and you have perky boobs? Darling if I didn’t LOVE reading your blog so much, I might start to hate you. <3
Wait hate is too strong a word, how about dislike you immensely?
Steph´s last blog ..PLEASE VOTE!
Holy cow.
Bobbi Janay@When did I go from a kid to a grown up?´s last blog ..Thankful Through The Darkness
hahahahaha!
In a few years you are soooooo going to catch Harley sneaking the bicycle pump into her room and trying to “inflate” her flat chest…
Mini-MJ is going to have the same issue….and bless her heart, she also got my teeth. I can’t decide whether to start putting money into her orthodontist fund, her boob-job fund, or her counseling fund. Forget the college fund….with her flat chest, f’d up teeth and crazy Mom, she’ll have great grades. God knows she’ll have plenty of time to study while NOT dating. hahaha (This is how I made it into a top tier grad school….)
“So I was getting out of the car the other day and like any other normal person I slammed my left boob in the door.” Coffee just came out of my nose. Funniest comment in the blogosphere today.
Associategirl totally stole my comment. Oh, and … slamming your boob in the car door…. how the heck do you DO that???!
If we’re ever on a plane together and it goes down, I’m grabbing onto your boobs, okay?
Avitable´s last blog ..My interview with Peter Graves
On the plus side, slamming your boob in the door ought to make it swell. On the minus side, you’ve already had the implants….ouch
I love your boobs, they were worth every penny. They’re Gorgeous!
…thats probably weird to say but whatever!
Mbonn´s last blog ..This is not a post for Ali Martell