What I’m about to tell you may shock and horrify you.
Many of you may decide to never read me again.
I will totally understand.
Because I realize there are certain things a person can reveal about herself that change everything you ever believed about her.
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I don’t floss.
Like, never.
It doesn’t even cross my mind.
Why?
I don’t know…because I’m busy?
Seriously, I’m not lying about this.
I don’t floss.
Oh, I brush. I brush like nobody’s fucking business. Like three times a day.
But flossing? Not so much.
Don’t judge me.
The dental assistant judges me enough for all of us.
Recently, we shared this exchange.
“So…how many times a week are you flossing?”
“Um. Zero?”
???
“I just don’t like doing it. It takes too long. And I don’t have any floss.”
“Well, I can *give* you floss. You can have all the floss you want. It’s really important you floss every day. It will add five years to your life.”
“Yes, but five years where?”
“Pardon me? I don’t understand.”
“Five years in the middle? Like the part of my life where I’m still going to the bathroom ON the toilet and can chew my own food? Or the end of my life where I’m crapping my pants and have to suck a cheeseburger through a straw? Because that makes a difference whether or not I want five years added.”
???
“So. You got kids?”
“Uh. Yes. I have three kids.”
“And you have time to floss?”
“Yes. I make time to floss because I really believe it’s important for my overall health.”
“Hmm. I’m guessing you don’t eat cheeseburgers then.”
“I do occasionally.”
“I hear if you don’t eat cheeseburgers you can add ten years to your life.”
Sigh. “You’re not going to start flossing are you.”
“I’d rather give up cheeseburgers.”
“We’re all done here.”
To floss or not to floss. That is the question.
And your answer is?……
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
This will surprise you, but I don’t floss. I KNOW. Takes too much time that could be better spent sleeping. Plus, I have a bar on the back of my bottom teeth that is a bitch to have to get around.
excuses…
We are in complete accord here…about the flossing, the cheeseburgers AND the word “hygienist”. I always feel dirty when I say it, so I just call them “teeth chicks”.
I started flossing just to get the dentist and his hygienist off my damn back. And guess what they bitch at me about now? It’s either I’m not flossing enough. Or I’m not doing it the right way. Or even worse, a combination. Bastards.
I don’t floss either. And had cheeseburgers for supper yesterday. Homemade, not fastfood.
Ooooo! Now I want to make cheeseburgers. Yummy.
I don’t think people actually floss, except for those teeth ladies.
I loathe flossing! I hate it with a passion. I have even blogged about my disdain of all things flossing. And every time I go to the dentist (the same dentist I have gone to my entire life) they always ask if I have been flossing. Um, is the answer EVER yes? Stop asking already!
No flossing here! YUCK! The thought of putting string between my teeth is just revolting!
I rarely floss… I only do it if I know I have something stuck between my teeth that I cannot get out when I brush. Plus it makes my gums bleed… they tried to tell me if I did it for a week that my gums would “toughen up” and not bleed anymore- I tried it… they were wrong- so at the end of the week my gums were sore…so now when they ask I just say “yes… every day”
I don’t floss. Unless I get something stuck in between my teeth, then I only floss that one spot.
I maybe floss once every 2 or 3 years, mostly out of boredom or just to remind myself why I don’t do it. I just don’t get it, I don’t feel any better after and it’s a ton of work that brushing seems to take care of pretty well these days. I think it’s a conspiracy where the dentists all own stock in the companies that manufacture the materials.
OMG, I have totally found my “tribe”.
I don’t floss either! Can we start a support group? Ok, so I have flossed before, but it’s usually a ONCE every 6 months ordeal. Usually the night before I go see the dentist.
So glad I’m not the only one.
I once had a hygienist tell me that if you need motivation to floss just smell the floss after the next time you do it and know that that smell is in your mouth all the time unless you floss it out. diiiiiiiiiiiisgusting.
Okay…seriously? I am so revolted that I think I threw up in my mouth a little. I hate flossing and rarely do it, but THAT might make me actually start flossing.
I never used to floss. Ever. And every time I had my teeth cleaned, the dragon lady hygenist always asked if I was still flossing every day. Um, yeah. Everyday. Now I do floss every day, but I rarely go to the dentist. I’m sure that’s bad for my overall health, too.
Also, my husband is a *freak* about flossing and has had lots of problems with his teeth-buildup, deep gum cleanings – yucky stuff. It motivates me to take care of my teeth.
Yeah, not so much on the flossing here. Unless I’ve eaten popcorn, after which I’ll invariably have several pieces wedged between my teeth and gums, slowly driving me insane like some Chinese torture device. Only then, out of desperation, do I break down and floss.
Ok, I’ll be the freak here & own it: I floss every day. You know why? Because I am *terrified* of the dentist. In fact, I haven’t even made an effort to find a new dentist since we moved here. A year & a half ago. That’s at least 3 cleanings I’ve missed. Whoops. But I know my gums & teeth are in good shape because I’m flossing and brushing like a… well, like something that takes really good care of its teeth.
I used to never floss. I would always say to the hygienist, “What do you want to hear, the truth or do you just want me to make it up for you?”
But, I don’t know, somewhere along the way I began to floss and weirdly, I liked it. To the point, where I’m kind of addicted. There is floss in my car, my purse, drawers all over the place. My teeth just feel dirty and not in a good way without it now. It grosses my family out when I’m driving and flossing and I’m always, “Hey, at least I’m not Grandma.”
My husband’s mother flosses at the dinner table. I kid you not. It’s like her after dinner treat. It takes everything I have not to shove her off the chair and tell her how disgusting her little fun is.
Yep. Don’t floss. I’ve tried to start. I’ve bought different kinds of floss (the ribbon kind being the best by far) but it’s just not going to happen.
I’ve never flossed and in 24 years never gotten a bad report at the dentist. Frankly my dental hygenist gave up trying to get me to floss when I was about 16 because she knew she couldn’t scare me into it and that I knew I had impecable teeth. So when I go every 6 months like a good girl she flosses my teeth, and never gets a thing out. Maybe I just have some sort of super teeth? Eh no…I’m still not going to floss though.
I used to be bad at flossing and always got the lecture. So I started flossing daily AND still got the lecture (apparently I wasn’t doing it right). Then I found a dentist that didn’t lecture, so I kept with the flossing. Then she moved…and I’ve given up both going to the dentist and flossing daily. We just actually just found a new dentist, so we’ll see how it goes – my test of them is if they lecture because I hate being lectured.
My husband takes such awesome care of his teeth and thankfully my kids are the same way. The older two (5&4) won’t go to bed without having us floss their teeth.
I am one of those people who also never flossed, but just started doing it of my own accord and now I do it all the time. Still one day I went to the receptionist ( who is a friend) and I made her write on my chart ” The patient said to never fucking bring up flossing ever again” and guess what now we talk about skiing!
I’m married to a dentist and I do not floss. Ever. Ever.
Um, I (hysterically) said to my dentist that flossing is against my religion and she never brought it up again!
Yeah I don’t floss. It hurts. I have like no space between my teeth and it takes FOREVER and then I bleed and ouch. So yeah, I stick with brushing.
HATE flossing. I do it for about 4 days before going to the dentist so my gums don’t bleed when i go there and they do it. they never seem to be able to tell i don’t do it all the time.
hubby flosses all over the place. sitting in front of the tv, in the kitchen, in the car. it totally grosses me out.
I’m one of those people who has horrible teeth no matter what I do, so sometimes I try to floss but most often it doesn’t happen. Those floss things that have a toothbrush handle make it easier though.
But then again maybe I should start doing it more, the whole reason I started working at 14 was because my dental bill was so huge my mom’s insurance didn’t cover it all. My dentist was a bitch who said it was preventable because I didn’t floss.
I don’t floss either! I took my 3 year old to the dentist last week and they asked me “do you floss her teeth for her everyday?” When I finished laughing, I said “no, none of her teeth even touch each other”. She said “you need to do it for her to get the plaque off around the gumline”. Yeah, I added that to the list of “shit that ain’t happening”!!
I’m still trying to get over Joann’s comment: “My husband’s mother flosses at the dinner table. I kid you not. It’s like her after dinner treat.”
After dinner treat? Ewwww. All I can picture is this sweet, little old lady, flossing at the dinner table, seeing the bits on the used floss and then licking them up. Double Ewwwww.
I would love to not floss. I have enough space between my teeth to drive a Buick through (do they still make Buick’s?) and I have to floss. I don’t do it as often as I should though. But cheeseburgers? Hmmm, cheeeeseburgers. I don’t need those 10 years, hells to the no.
Um… yeah… no. I don’t floss. Not ever. OK… well maybe once a year. Or when we eat corn on the cob. Otherwise.. no.
My husband on the other hand? He is obsessive with the floss. He must floss at least 2 times a day.
What is this flossing you speak of?
Shit.
I’m happy if I have time to brush my damn teeth uninterrupted let alone floss!
I’d LIKE to say that I floss once a week, but that isn’t the case. I often remember but am too lazy. Maybe three times a month? Or sometimes I go on a good flossing binge and I’ll floss daily for a few days in a row, but then I don’t have to floss anymore that month because I’ve filled my quota.
PMSL I wish I had your wit.
I don’t floss either, but my husband does – every single day. LOL, he thinks I am a slackass.
I tell him he is lucky I brush my teeth at all some days.
I floss the two weeks before I go to the dentist for my six month cleaning. They never know.
My sis in law is a hygienist. When someone asks her “which teeth do I need to floss the most?”, she says “Only the ones you want to keep!”
I JUST went through this at my dentist this week!! And no, I don’t floss either…only when I’m about to go to the dentist, and I keep my fingers crossed that they don’t realize that. Flossing is too much work. And you have a VERY good point there about WHERE the five years are added.
I don’t floss as often as I should but I really try to do it pretty regularly. Maybe you should get a water pick if you know you’ll never “find the time” to floss.
Nope, don’t floss. Unless I get something really gnarly stuck in there like that weird stringy stuff in celery.
Not surprisingly, I rarely go to the dentist. Because really, I don’t need the lecture.
Funny, funny stuff….and obviously thought provoking. After the “stinky smelly floss” comment above, maybe I will actually start flossing on a regular basis. But probably not. Most likely I’ll just continue to brush like a mad woman, swirl Listerine twice a day, and pop Altoids like they are candy.
I wear butt floss.
I had them put a note on my file to stop nagging me about the flossing. Because really? It was just irritating me, not motivating me to floss. And really? Isn’t that why I go to the dentist anyway? So they can look after my teeth?
Oh this is so nice to hear! I floss every once in a while (whenever I see the dentist). My kids actually floss though. Which is weird. They just like the animal flossers that I bought them. Maybe that is what I need to start flossing!
I can’t go to sleep without flossing. It’s part of my neurotic 30-minute bedtime ritual (clearly no kids yet here). My hubby didn’t floss for years and somehow still got fewer cavities than me. Probably because I polished off chocolate bars and gummy worms, while he ate… go figure- cheeseburgers.
THANK GOD I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! Seriously, who in the hell has time.
I hate flossing, so I coughed up the money to buy a WaterPik, best purchase I ever made. It even converted my husband who was a zealot when it came to flossing.
I have a ton of floss…
I only floss like right before I go to the dentist, just that one time…
I don’t remember the last time I went to the dentist though…
I do know I only went because my parents paid for it… I was visiting for Christmas (maybe 5 years ago?)
I am way too lazy to find my own dentist(and a little terrified)
(I use mouth wash pretty much every time I go into the bathroom for any reason, so I’m not totally unhygienic)
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