*Do* porcupines lay eggs?

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I have this friend. You may have heard of her… Barefoot foodie?

Well, she’s an insanely talented writer. You know, one of those annoying types who doesn’t even have to *try* and be funny? I would hate her if I didn’t want to lick her forehead most days. OK, every day. And dude, I totally have. She tastes like rainbows.

Anyway, her website is made of awesome and every story she posts has me peeing my pants.

I totally want to be her when I grow up.

But! This story isn’t about how great she is, but more about her creative process. I’ve been in the room with her while she’s composing a post and it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

Imagine this… she’s at her laptop, type-type-typing away… and all of the sudden, she’ll turn around and yell, “Quick, what’s an animal you wouldn’t want crawling up your ass and laying eggs?”

And in my head I’m all…”Um…none of them?”

But that’s not what she wants to hear. She really *wants* you to name an animal. Like you don’t have a choice–*some* animal is going to crawl up your ass and lay eggs. You just don’t want it to be THIS animal.

So I say, “A porcupine?”

And instead of asking the obvious next question which would be, “Do porcupines lay eggs?” She says, “Yes! Perfect!” And then turns back around and begins furiously typing again.

Next thing you know, she’s written the funniest fucking story which includes an up your ass egg laying porcupine.

Unbelievable.

This whole process has happened several times over the last year ever since we became secret lovers besties, and she just so happened to return the favor a few minutes ago.

We were talking and I was feeling uninspired. I asked her to quickly name 5 words off the top of her head so that maybe it would spark some speck of imagination in my achy brain.

Her five words were:
theft
water
planes
weird
nerds

Um… Yeah. I got nothin. Clearly, I’m not as talented at this writing thing as she is.

Dammit.

****

OK, it was hard to pick a winner of the most embarrassing public fart story because THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT ONES. But after much deliberating and arguing with The Dad, we decided that Michelle C totally deserves to win because DAMN, that shit was embarrassing.

So YAY you!!

Michelle, email your home address to shauna@shaunaglenn.com and I will send you the Target gift card and a year supply of Beano.

Thank you everyone for playing along!!!