I have this friend. You may have heard of her… Barefoot foodie?
Well, she’s an insanely talented writer. You know, one of those annoying types who doesn’t even have to *try* and be funny? I would hate her if I didn’t want to lick her forehead most days. OK, every day. And dude, I totally have. She tastes like rainbows.
Anyway, her website is made of awesome and every story she posts has me peeing my pants.
I totally want to be her when I grow up.
But! This story isn’t about how great she is, but more about her creative process. I’ve been in the room with her while she’s composing a post and it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced.
Imagine this… she’s at her laptop, type-type-typing away… and all of the sudden, she’ll turn around and yell, “Quick, what’s an animal you wouldn’t want crawling up your ass and laying eggs?”
And in my head I’m all…”Um…none of them?”
But that’s not what she wants to hear. She really *wants* you to name an animal. Like you don’t have a choice–*some* animal is going to crawl up your ass and lay eggs. You just don’t want it to be THIS animal.
So I say, “A porcupine?”
And instead of asking the obvious next question which would be, “Do porcupines lay eggs?” She says, “Yes! Perfect!” And then turns back around and begins furiously typing again.
Next thing you know, she’s written the funniest fucking story which includes an up your ass egg laying porcupine.
Unbelievable.
This whole process has happened several times over the last year ever since we became secret lovers besties, and she just so happened to return the favor a few minutes ago.
We were talking and I was feeling uninspired. I asked her to quickly name 5 words off the top of her head so that maybe it would spark some speck of imagination in my achy brain.
Her five words were:
theft
water
planes
weird
nerds
Um… Yeah. I got nothin. Clearly, I’m not as talented at this writing thing as she is.
Dammit.
****
OK, it was hard to pick a winner of the most embarrassing public fart story because THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT ONES. But after much deliberating and arguing with The Dad, we decided that Michelle C totally deserves to win because DAMN, that shit was embarrassing.
So YAY you!!
Michelle, email your home address to shauna@shaunaglenn.com and I will send you the Target gift card and a year supply of Beano.
Thank you everyone for playing along!!!
dammit, you’re so right. she’s absolutely incredible and filled with magical unicorns, but hearing you write about her writing process was pretty damn hysterical. she’s outted now!!!
nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..there is snot on my keyboard
Brittany is amazing altho I have never had the pleasure of watching her create a post, but now I kinda wanna.
domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Helping her catpure her bliss
Yeah. I was there (for that one? or another post? anyway…) and it is a process to be studied.
Not everyone can weave together a post about sex lube and their father like Britt, but I don’t think we all want to either.
I LOVE that hooker (and you). You two can fight over who I love more.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Four new hairy babies in one week presented in order of hairiness.
She is brilliant. Bloody brilliant.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Ice Ice Baby
That’s sooo weird because she is totally the reason I started reading your blog. degree’s of separation…aiming low, etc. I think you’re both fabulous in your own ways. Not to mention that between the two of you, I laugh more about vaginas now than I ever have in my whole life.
Ok I had to compose myself before I could even comment. Seriously.
It was SO HILARIOUS and SOOOOO TRUE!
Being near me when I write something is like the most effed up game of mad libs EVER!
But there was one part you were off on. YOU, my dear, are a literally genius, a gift to the written word, and one of my best friends.
LOVE YOU!
Brittany´s last blog ..Crazy awesome.
I’m also a fan of Barefoot Foodie. Her hot pants story made me fucking cry.
And I’m SO mad I missed this most embarrassing fart story contest because I just KNOW I would have won. Damn.
You all are having way too much fun. And here I thought there were no valid reasons to move to California.
The Mayor´s last blog ..He Had Me At Hello: Harry Connick Jr At Bllissdom
OMG. You totally forgot to say cockroach. It’s one of those words that’s always funny. Roach? No. Cockroach? HELL YES!
I love Barefoot Foodie, she is totally awesome AND consistently funny but I also happen to love your blog as well and find it funny that you guys are such great friends! Totally get it though.
Sadie at heyMamas
Barefoot Foodie is like the super cool gal from the in-crowd. If we didn’t absolutely love her we’d hate her.
And I always figured she tasted like leftover candy corn not rainbows.
So shauna perhaps there is a common thread amonst strabgers. Clearly we all adore brittany (I don’t even know her and think I would be the josie grossie jerk-bag balbber mouth if I did) but today I also professed my love for her blog. I don’t have quite the readership and cult followings as you; however, I did share her nonetheless. I kinda feel that the super bloggers like yourself, barefoot, blogess etc have there really cool girl nights and I too wish that I was as cool as thee…I’m on my way and clearly in the right direction. Thanks for havin such a great blog and showing the little fish in the pond that you do read other blogs and give props. I think I was under the misguidence that the super bloggers only drank er..wrote they never read our posts…it is a fine day today.
You are hilarious. Brittany is hilarious. I desperately need the laughs from BOTH of you, so keep ‘em coming, sista.
Lots of xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxox
MJ
I think BOTH of you are HILARIOUS!! I cannot read any of your posts without laughing. I heart you & Barefoot Foodie.
you owe me clean undies, I just peed in mine…
Jen´s last blog ..Weekly Winners, Jan 24-30
I luuuuurve Brittany
Elisa´s last blog ..Far or near, we do love you New York!
Any recommendation from you – it’s good be good. So thanks for the new read. I’m off to check her out now!
Jane´s last blog ..Just A Little Something I Need To Get Off My Chest
make that “it’s GOT to be good.” Oops.
Jane´s last blog ..Just A Little Something I Need To Get Off My Chest
OMG- that’s deliciously true! Quick- whorey stripper name for an 8 year old, Quick- a kind of food that would taste better coming up than going down- and next thing you know-GENIUS on the Interweb! This was great.
tena´s last blog ..Diary of a Nervous Breakdown
I. Die.
Brittany´s last blog ..Crazy awesome.
christonacracker, I was SO supposed to win that fart contest. Damn me & my overworked ass that I couldn’t get over here to post it.
Anyway. Love you. And your writing process. Or was it hers? I’m so effed up these days. Oy.
MK´s last blog ..Beautifully Random
I think those five words are how LOST was started.
Avitable´s last blog ..Shamurder