I do this thing at night that drives Tommy crazy. No. Not *that* thing. Although he probably wishes.
I lie down, watch TV, and PICK THE MASCARA OFF MY LASHES.
It drives him insane.
Why?
I have no idea. It’s not like I’m picking the mascara off *HIS* lashes.
I don’t see how this affects him AT ALL.
But he still feels it necessary to share his dislike of my nighttime ritual.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Pick off your makeup.”
“I don’t know. Its soothes me I guess.”
???
“I’ve been doing it for years.”
“Yeah. I know. Why don’t you just go in the bathroom and wash it off? That makes more sense to me.”
“Well, this isn’t about you. It’s about me.”
“Naturally.”
“If I washed it off that would take the fun out of picking it off. Plus, I’m lazy.”
“A-HA! So it’s not something you do to….what’s the word you used?….*soothe* you. You’re lazy–you just said it.”
“Who the fuck are you anyway, the mascara police? Why do you even care?”
“Because it gets all in the bed. I’m constantly batting away your makeup crumbs. And look at your fingers. They’re covered in black shit.”
It’s true. My hands look like I change oil in cars for a living. I spend at least 10 minutes every day cleaning mascara out from under my thumbnails.
I never said it was a sexy habit.
But I can’t stop. I know it probably sounds crazy, but it totally relaxes me to lie there and carefully strip layers of lash-lengthening mascara from my eyelids. Thumb suckers would totally understand where I’m coming from. We need to be soothed, people.
The trick with mascara removal is that you don’t pull out all your lashes in the process. It’s a skill with a difficulty level of 9.4. Because if you’re not careful, you’ll end up becoming one of those women who has to wear falsies to work. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Really, it’s more of a time issue. And the glue? It’s near impossible to maneuver. The few times I’ve tried to apply false eyelashes I’ve ended up gluing them to my thumbs.
Anyway, yes, I pick my eyes at night. Every night. Without fail. So what. At *least* I don’t do the following:
Ahem.
*slurp when I drink coffee
*leave the toilet seat up
*shuffle my feet when I walk
*blow snot out my nose in the shower
*breathe too loudly
*sniff my runny nose instead of blowing it into a tissue (you know the shit *wants* to come out right?)
*leave facial hair in the sink
Ahhh.
That feels better.
One annoying habit versus seven. Clearly, I win.
***VERY EXCITING NEWS!!***
Today over at Aiming Low, we unveil our new look! YOU. MUST. CHECK. IT. OUT!
I would like to be the first to nominate Tommy for the Congressional Medal of Honor for meritorious actions in a clearly hostile environment!
Ken´s last blog ..I’m moving..well at least that’s the plan
At least he doesn’t walk into the room talking loudly on his phone while you are CLEARLY trying to watch some important TV.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..All By Myself
I am oddly comforted knowing that someone else does this too.
It’s also the key reason I don’t wear waterproof mascara because it’s so hard to pick off. But in the shower it makes for a super easy way to remove once the water hits your fingers.
Cass´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day, lingerie & what makes you feel sexy
I LOVE to do that too! Although, I have to be sooooo very careful, since my eyelashes aren’t all that full to begin with. And, what is it with the hair in the sink… OMG,
Checked out Aiming Low… Can I just ask that you guys not be like facebook and change things around everytime I get comfy, okay? Thanks!
Damn it, I knew I was just untalented, I always end up pulling my damn eyelashes out when I pick at my mascara.
Please. I pick the mascara off my eyelashes, too. It’s a woman thing. Tommy obviously just can’t understand.
were you describing my husband with that list??? bc every one of those things apply to him!! we were drinking coffee sat am and the slurping!! either you drink it or you don’t. slurping coffee is so annoying early in the morning!! blowing your nose in the shower but not in a tissue who teaches you this??? i am laughing!!
You do, however, belch. Frequently.
Avitable´s last blog ..A Pessimist’s Guide to Living Alone
Just last night I was thinking “could my husband BREATHE any louder?”. I seriously had to nudge him and turn the tv up louder so I could hear it. Did he not realize the Bachelor was on last night? I don’t care if he did have to get up at 4:30am to go to work. He is so inconsiderate.
Glad to know I’m not the only FREAK out there! And there is nothing wrong with belching loudly either . . .