Scene: Me, in my closet, completely naked.
Ethan: Mommy? Mommy? Where are you?
Me: (wrestling an ill fitting towel. Do towels shrink? I fuck sure hope so) In here!
Ethan: (standing in front of me, watching as I throw the towel against the wall) What’s wrong, Mommy?
Me: That stupid towel is too small. It doesn’t even cover me anymore.
Ethan: Maybe because your butt has gotten so big.
Me: (gasping from the horror of his words) How would you like to go live with another family?
Ethan: (obviously giving this some thought because he’s looking at the ceiling as if perhaps the answer is written there in crayon–which would totally not surprise me) Would the new family buy me Fruit Loops? Because you know, you won’t let me have those. And I *really* like Fruit Loops.
Me: No. Your new family would not have Fruit Loops. AND, you would have to share a room with four other kids.
Ethan: Do they have a dog?
Me: No dog. A dragon who breathes fire and eats children who tell their mother she has a big butt.
Ethan: I’m glad *we* don’t have a dragon.
PS. I’m officially on a diet.
PPS. And also in need of a dragon.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I love your kid!
Towels do SO shrink! lol
Your four year old meanie boy would get along with my four year old meanie boy wonderfully. He asked one of his preschool teachers if she “had a baby in her belly”, and when she told him no, he said “oh then you must just be chunky. Chunky chunky chunky,
chunky chunky chunky.”
My towels shrink too! So do my jeans…I blame the dryer.
and my favorite 4 year old called me a loser (complete with L on the forehead) as he was kicking my ass in wii bowling. ouch.
You won’t let him have Froot Loops? What a mean mother!
*LMAO* Kids are great!
They just say it as they see it!!
I really dont know where the kid comes up with Fruit Loops – geez what kind of person would bribe a 4 four year old into coming over to spend the night on the promise of Fruit Loops
It’s the four year old truth serum…I got dressed up to go out recently and asked Molly, “Doesn’t Mommy look pretty?” She cocked her head, looked me up and down, and said, “Um…a little pretty…and a little scary. Like a witch.”
Dessert will be broccoli and brussel sprouts for the rest of the week.
ahhh yes 8 year old is always reminding me why I will never meet a women…love him
I told my 5 year old she gave me my large rump so if she doesn’t want a boot in her butt she better stop mentioning it.
I love the illustrative nature of your blog….I always get the best visuals……
OMG. Kids.
Useful advice: jeans can be hang-dried then thrown in to tumble for softening–they don’t shrink nearly so much that way!
that was so funny i love fuirt loops give him his furit loops ok girl friend if you dont i will give him fruit loops and my friend son was like are you haveing tinws and i was like no and he just sayed you fat itch meaning bitch