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this blog follows the life of a fictional character. i know, i know, it sounds like it could be true, and some of it is. but it's mostly WAY exaggerated and not meant to be taken seriously. i mean honestly, who would be THIS ridiculous in real life? also, no vaginas were harmed in the making of this blog. and lastly, this disclaimer is mostly bullshit also. but my therapist made me do it.

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Sixteen

Yesterday was my oldest daughter’s 16th birthday.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I must have been twelve when I had her.

Well, you’re right. I was twelve. It was 6th grade and I was in the girls’ locker room. We’d just finished running lines in the gym and I had to pee really bad. My mom always told me that when you’re in a public restroom you either A) put down toilet paper on the seat; B) hover over the toilet so your tooshy doesn’t touch; or C) hold it til you get home.

I chose to ignore her well intentioned advice and sat directly on the toilet seat.

And I got pregnant.

It was weird.

(OK, so I might have made up that first part)

Actually I was 24 when I got pregnant with my daughter.

But it’s weird to say that I have a sixteen year old daughter because *I* FEEL 16! And act 12!

So Happy Birthday, Sweet Presley. You may be getting older and taller than me, but remember this… I can still kick your ass.

I'm the cute one on the right.

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