No, I don’t want to smell your feet. I’m quite sure they *don’t* smell like cherries. But thanks for asking.
No, I don’t want to look at the dead lizard you found on the driveway. The one with the guts hanging out. That I probably ran over with my car. But thanks for asking.
No, I don’t care that all of your friends are getting their belly buttons pierced and I’m like the “uncoolest” mom on the planet. But thanks for asking.
No, I don’t care that everyone else’s parents are letting them stay out all night this Saturday. You’re 15! But thanks for asking.
No, I don’t want to have sex with you tonight. Do I have a headache? Not so much. Am I mad at you? No more than usual. Do I feel unsexy or bloated? Really? You’re going there? I just don’t feel like having sex with you tonight. But thanks for asking.
No, I don’t want a glass of wine. I’d like the entire bottle. Here. Give it to me. Seriously, let me have it. I’M NOT KIDDING. GIVE THE FUCKING BOTTLE OF WINE.
OK, OK, I give.
Yes, I would *love* to smell your feet. Mmmm, cherries.
Yes, show me the half gutted lizard. I can’t wait for dinner.
Yes, get your stupid belly button pierced. But if you get a staph infection don’t come crying to me. You weirdo.
Yes, stay out ALL night. But just know that at 8 am on Sunday I’m coming in your room to wake you up. You’ve got chores and homework to do. Remember?
And fine.
Yes, I’ll have sex with you. Just make it snappy, OK?
NOW GIVE ME THE GODDAMN WINE BOTTLE!
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Awww.. Just when I slip into my daily ritual of beating my self up over stupid stuff.. You post your blog that fricken cracks me up.
thanks for always sharing!
All it takes is a little wine to get you in the sack?
You’re easy. And by easy I mean awesome.
And there we have it. The mind of all women succinctly written in one little blog. What we wish we could say or ought to say and what really comes out of the mouth. LMAO. This was so fabulous.
Maybe you should have all of these sayings typed out and laminated. When someone asks a question, draw one and just read whatever the card says, regardless of the situation. Now that would be fun.
you see i read this as if the first part is what you are totally thinking in your head; the later being what we always (we being women) do smile and nod and make everyone happy. In doing so, the only one getting screwed, is us – clearly.
i say more wine!
Bring on the wine..
Thanks for the laugh.
Be well,
Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize. You got the bottle of wine in the end, so it seems like a happy ending. Although I’d recommend requiring delivery of wine prior to sex.
motivation makes you do crazy things!
I’m pretty sure you can renege on every one of those things you agreed to after you finish the bottle of wine. You were under duress when you agreed to them, so it’s not binding. Except maybe the sex thing because, um, did you see what you’re wearing? You were totally asking for it. ;>
AMEN my Sista and hand me a glass!!