So…
A few weeks ago I went to dinner with Tommy and my oldest daughter. There’s this semi-fancy-ish restaurant which totally rocks the yummy food, but for some reason can always seat us. Like you don’t have to have a reservation.
As many times as we’ve been there before I’d never noticed that it’s completely filled with old people. Like really old. Like the bus drops them off from the old folks home, old.
But still, food = yumtastic.
Anyway, so we sit down and a minute later this tall, amazon type woman (you know the kind where you think perhaps “she” used to be a “he?”) came to the table to take our drink order. She pauses when she gets to me and smiles and says, “You know, the group of us were talking over there and we think you could TOTALLY be Britney Spears’s MOM.”
My heart immediately sunk into my belly and I felt hot tears well up in my eyes.
Britney Spears’s MOM??????
Not, her older sister, her twin, or even BRITNEY SPEARS HERSELF? But her MOM?
I knew, I KNOW, that she meant this as a compliment, and on *some* level I’m flattered. BUT HER MOM???
I managed to keep it together while we ordered dinner. But the second she walked away I couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I mean it’s no secret that I’m quickly approaching 40 and that I’ve struggled with being older than I feel….and her words just hit me upside my Botox filled face like a ton of bricks.
You see, getting old is not something I planned to do with my life.
Go to college…Check
Meet a nice guy…Check
Get married…Check
Have a shitload of kids…Check
Stay hot my whole adult life…Check
Be mistaken for Britney Spears’s MOM as a result of looking “old-ish”…FAIL FUCKING FAIL
See? It just doesn’t compute. Or flow. Or even come CLOSE to what I had in mind.
And yet, it seems to be where I am.
Why is it that on the inside you feel like your young 20 something self, but the outside tells a different story?
Like I always say, the universe, she is one cruel bitch. And mean as fuck.
So, back to the story. I had to excuse myself from the table so I could go in the bathroom and wail in peace dry my eyes.
After many texts from my family asking what the hell was wrong with me, I joined them once again at the table.
Eventually, after many glasses of wine, I forgot about being sad and enjoyed the yummy food and laughing at my daughter’s stories.
We got up to leave and the manager met us at the door. He asked how the meal was and then he looked at me, paused, and asked, “Has anyone ever told you who you look like?”
The sick feeling returned but I wasn’t going to let it get me down again. “Britney Spears’s MOM?”
He laughed and said, “No. I wasn’t going to say that. You look like Joan Van Ark. From Knot’s Landing.”
You mean THIS girl? (runs away to find the nearest bridge to jump off)
What plastic surgery?
Hey. You can read an even MORE depressing/funny/finger pointing while laughing story over at Aiming Low today.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
NO, you don’t look like either of them…really.
Resemblance is limited to blonde hair and…well, blonde hair.
I’ve been told I look like Nicole Kidman and I don’t particularly care for that thought either….
I suggest you keep a tire-iron in your purse and beat the holy living snot out of the next commentator to such effect.
…that and don’t tip anyone at that restaurant IF you bother to continue going there. Sheesh!
Sending your way cute little ass tons of teenager-y-girl-ish hugs.
Yeah, Taj hit it right on. Instead of a tire iron, you should use a blackjack [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baton_%28law_enforcement%29]. It’s more ladylike.
OMG. NO. You’re gorgeous Shauna! And I can attest to that – I’ve seen you in person, sans photoshop! *snort*
Tire iron is a great idea.
Also? WTFF? Why does Joan Van Ark lady have a blue tinge to her lower jaw? Weird.
whatever. you’re hot…as long as you don’t suck on the botox needles AFTER injection, like joan van scary up there. developing “mr. freeze” mouth is alternatively NOT hot.
Joan Van Ark? Jesus. She looks like a corpse.
I wish I could have seen the look on the manager’s face when you told him to go F#@% himself.
Way back in the day, when I was a bartender/server, it was pretty much standard protocol to never tell a guest that they looked like anyone famous, even if it’s meant as a great compliment, because the guest may not have the same reaction. You also never mentioned the last time they were there or who they were with, etc.
Apparently those bits of server etiquette did not survive the 90s. Too bad. As good as the food is, I would recommend that you never patronize that restaurant again. Or just get carry out.
And you are undeniably hot. So do not worry about that.
Could have been worse they could have said you look like Christina Crawford’s mom!
Shauna I wouldn’t sweat it..your a MILF ..Tommy loves you..the food was good what more counts?!!
Bull corn on ice. You look like beautiful times two. I think you are very pretty. That means something too because I never tell people they are pretty.
Stupid, stupid restaurant staff. Did they want a tip? Because it doesn’t sound like they did. You’re the most gorgeous person I know in real life. So there.
I agree, you don’t look like either of them. And you’re HAWT! Plus a kick-ass writer. So take that restaurant staff!
I would have replied, “Oh that’s so sweet! We were just discussing you too, and agreed that you look EXACTLY like ________’s transgendered Father.” You can fill in the blank with whomever you think is the ugliest person in Hollywood. Of course, then you would definitely get a crotch-steak a la Road Trip. Ah well. Sometimes all you can do is smile and wave…
I can’t decide what celebrity you look like but it’s definitely not either of those two – it’s somebody young and hot (with great boobs)! I want to know what restaurant it is so I can go there (I live in Fort Worth) and see who they tell me I look like!
I always get you looks like this celeb but I can’t think of their name. Grr… can’t some one just say you look nice, pretty.. etc…
And yeah.. I agree with MJ, tell them they look like the so and so transgendered dad. Or they look like that cat woman lady.
You definitely look a lot more like Britney herself. When she was hot, not the shaved head psycho look. Although you did attack me with an umbrella.
I have recently been told many times that I look like the woman on The Biggest Loser. After I stopped crying, I realized they meant the host, not one of the contestants.
Oh, screw her. You don’t look like either… you know how all blondes look the same. You’re rocking it, lady. And you’re gonna rock 40 so freaking HARD when it’s time… don’t fret. You look fantastic. And you’re super smart, and super sessy. Total WIN for you!! Soon you’ll have license to get really crazy in public. Not that you need a license. Not that you’re not crazy already… you’re well on your way.
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