I have totally failed in the serving the family dinner department lately. Not that we’ve ever lived a sort of traditional family life (meaning my big strong husband goes to work while I stay home and roll socks into balls). No. It’s always been like an accidental phenomenon if I prepared a meal and served it at just what so happened to also be dinnertime.
I am progressive that way.
But sometimes, I feel a little guilty for not being that traditional kind of mom. But not guilty enough to change. That’s my tragedy. Or the part that makes me a genius.
So, because sometimes the guilt gets the better of me, this afternoon I laid out chicken breasts, broccolini, and stuff to make a salad. Very June Cleaverish if I do say so myself.
But then Tommy had a few errands to run and took the kids with him. Minutes later, he called to say he had accidentally driven by a McDonald’s and that the kids wanted that for dinner. Did I mind?
Did I mind?
Um….was this a trick question?
I ran to the kitchen, threw all the stupid healthy home cooked ingredients back in the fridge and said, “Heck yeah that’s fine! I’ll take a filet-o-fish.”
Because really? Nothing says American Family like Mickey D’s.
Fifteen minutes later, in walked the members of said American Family with bags of yummy smelling food—which included but was not limited to french fries and chocolate shakes.
And it was goooooood.
Note to self: Tomorrow when you’re standing in front of the mirror in your birthday suit weeping about your current physique, remember this moment. The moment where you looked at that fish sandwich in all its tartar saucy squareness and said, “Come to Mama.” And then proceeded to inhale it. Remember this.
So after the high of the french fries wore off, I went to the bathroom to wash off the day. Ethan knocked on the door a minute later, announcing he had to go potty. I opened the door to find him standing there, scratching his penis with his chicken nugget. I *wish* I could make this shit up.
My first thought was Holy Shit, This Is Awesome Gross.
And then I tweeted it (Because that’s what really disturbed people do—don’t judge me)
And then? I let him eat it.
So it turns out I’m not *that* mom, but THAT mom.
But don’t forget that I totally get credit for my original plan to cook dinner–pre McDonald’s. So… basically, it’s a wash, right?
Right?
Hey! I’m also at Aiming Low today. Click here to read about how Hanna Montana tried to kill me.
No words.
Except “I am progressive that way.” is the best line ever.
You? Are my HERO.
I find that scratching my genitals with fast food products improves my skin and gives the food a nice bouquet.
You sort of lost me at the fish sandwich. Really? Didn’t know they made them anymore, let alone anyone ate them…Cest La Vie.
Scratching the nuggets w/ a nugget – now that’s just plain fabulous.
I think you’ll be OK as long as you don’t start scratching your crotch with Filet-O-Fish. Because, you know, no one likes a fishy vag.
I might just be falling in love with you a little… and I would let him eat it too, its not like he isnt always touching things down there anyway!
Great minds think alike – We had Micky D’s ourselves!!
That’s perfectly logical.
Net calories required to maintain your current weight: I am guessing about 1500 per day. Calories in a filet-o-fish, medium fries, and medium chocolate shake: about 1300.
As long as you didn’t eat anything else at all yesterday, you’re in pretty good shape.
Oh my God…seriously? I lost all train of thought thanks to Angelia’s comment! So.funny.
I’m roasting a chicken right now not because I wanted to feed the family but because if I don’t cook it tonight it’ll go bad, and theres so much food that reached this point and got thrown in the freezer that there’s no more room. Oops. I wish my husband would bring me McDonalds.
This is the story that is getting me through the week, I’ll have you know. Both Graham and I laughed our asses off!
I’m hiding this post from my husband.He’ll use it as amo in our current argument about why I don’t think it’s OK for him to sit on the furniture in hotel rooms without any pants or undies on.
It’s nice to know that men start early with all the scratching-their-genitals-with-inappropriate-objects. Right now, my husband’s favorite item is a backscratcher.
Today I let my toddler eat a chocolate chip off the ground in front of a couple of other private school Mamas. They were appalled, especially after I told them that it wasn’t even close to the dirtiest thing she had eaten today. You’re hilarious!
This is hilarious – and shows me of the things to come. I’m continually learning new things that my sons will do with their penises. Yesterday, in the bathtub, they were making them talk.
Shauna Glenn! Remind me NOT to let Lauren be sitting next to me when I open your blog!! OMG today’s title!!! Anyway, hope E-man enjoyed his Mickey D’s! This crap only happens in your house!:)
I just found your blog via the Divine Caroline awards! You are TOO funny! I LOVE it! I am currently potty training our tribe {quadruplets} We have one lone boy. I cannot wait for these fun times in the future! Good Luck & hopefully you win!
Love, Cathy & her quads
I just read this to my boyfriend because I thought it was funny and, I swear, there was this twinkle in his eyes and I just KNOW he was considering doing this at some point. Damn.
A McD-smelling peen would be delicious… I should let my husband know of this trick, so he can get more McLovin’ outta his darling wife. Heh.
wont eat “nuggets” again