It’s been a while since I prepared a meal. And when I say it’s *been a while* I mean I can’t remember the last time I did.
Because really? The kids don’t care. They would eat Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup every day or Kraft Mac and Cheese.
And I follow behind them and eat their leftovers.
It’s a great system.
But then there’s Tommy.
He grew up with a mother who prepared a home cooked meal every night–from scratch–and so the first few times I announced it was chili dog night he looked like he’d just been kicked in the man sack.
What? You no like chili dogs, Tommy G?
So. I’ve learned over the years how to prepare a home cooked meal–one that didn’t involve a can or a box.
It’s hard y’all.
Also? He likes a salad with dinner too. And most days I like a salad too. It makes me feel less dirty for eating a cheeseburger for lunch. Like I’m doing my body a favor by introducing it to green leafy non cheesy foods.
But the problem with lettuce and tomatoes and shit, is that you need to wash them.
Really? Who has the time?
So last night I might have skipped that step.
I was *sure* no one would notice. And when I say no one I mean Tommy.
But, he took the first bite and in mid chew, spit it back on his plate.
“This tastes like dirt.”
Oops.
“What do you mean?”
“The lettuce. It’s covered in dirt. Did you wash it?”
Me, acting offended. “Dude. You asked for a salad. You didn’t say *anything* about washing the lettuce.”
He rolls his eyes. “I think I’ll skip it tonight.”
You’re welcome.
Hey!! Find me over at Aiming Low today where I write about how eating is not for pussies.
That’s why I don’t eat anything grown in the ground or on a tree. Except for Cabbage Patch Kids – I eat the fuck out of them.
Diet coke just came out my nose. Thanks, Adam.
Sorry Tommy , but you are being a dick here. She gave birth to all those kids. works her ass off , and is just as frazzled. She makes an effort and you spit it out?!! Come on dude. You swallow it, you smile, and say “thank you dear its wonderful” or you make the fucking salad yourself next time. got it?!
Kenny,
In Tommy’s defense, I could be exaggerating just a tad. He does appreciate me. It’s just more fun to say that he doesn’t.
xo
I think Kenny wants you for himself- just saying.
I’ll take you as my wife, dirt & all.
What? What’s wrong with dirt in your salad? It means that the salad is ORGANIC, which is good for you. Right?
I think “washing the lettuce” should totally be a euphemism for something else.
“washing the lettuce” not to be confused with “tossing your salad”
I never, never, complain about the food. It’ll be a sad day for me if my wife stops to ask herself why she’s cooking dinner and I’m not.
Dirt. The other food group.
Tena – its not that. I mean I am reading the blog of a woman who seems to be in a well committed and happy marriage. I just have a sore spot for disrespect of any kind. While it is true I am single I never go over the marriage boundary nnnnnnnnnnnnnever. On top of that if Shauna and I had to combine our children that would make 8 and that is pretty much tantamount to instant insanity although two of my children are adults.
I want to marry you. It pains me to cook.