My dad recently moved back to town. And by recently I mean like 2 weeks ago. He’s been living in Kauai for the last 6 years and I think he missed me so much that finally one day he said, “Screw paradise. I’m going back to Texas to be near my awesome daughter” was tired of paying the ridiculous taxes. Hawaii ain’t cheap y’all.
Anyway, my dad is a handsome man. Like for real handsome.
I call him the Silver Fox.
Because he is COMPLETELY gray headed. And he is foxy. (Is it weird and Arkansas-ish that I just called my dad foxy? Also, my apologies to my Arkansas relatives and friends. But honestly isn’t this exactly the kind of thing you’ve come to expect me to say?)
So, yesterday I drove to his house for the first time. It still feels strange to be able to jump in my car and see him in 30 minutes versus flying 8 hours and across 3 times zones. I have to say I like this way much better. Although I will miss the palm trees and all the chickens that run amok.
After seeing his house, yada yada, I suggested we go to lunch. Five minutes later, we were being seated at a table in a popular mexican restaurant.
And that’s when I started noticing. The looks. People were looking at us (we *are* a handsome pair) and whispering amongst themselves. I checked out my dad’s ensemble. Hmm. No. It wasn’t his clothes. He was dressed like any other retired dude. T-shirt, ball cap, shorts, leg boot on his right foot (for his achilles heel–which by the way, makes him terrible at driving–and by terrible I mean he braked and accelerated so aggressively that my head slammed against the windshield 14 times in the 5 minutes we in the car–I drove the rest of the time we were together). But even in the ridiculous boot he was a perfectly acceptable non-embarrassing lunch companion. Plus, he was buying.
And I was *sure* it wasn’t *me* they were talking about. As if.
We talked a lot (mostly about the post I put up yesterday–funny, when you meltdown online people start doing weird things like removing any and all sharp objects you might come across–needless to say it was not easy eating my enchilada with a spoon, but whatever).
Anyway, since he’s new in town, he has no car yet. So he asked for my help in finding him one. We drove to the dealership and walked inside. Immediately it was assumed we were a couple. Me. And my dad. And the reason I know this is because the woman referred to us as such.
Eww.
And then I realized what the people in the restaurant were staring at! They assumed that this dirty old man and me (aka, hot, young–ok, young-ish–chick were together. Like together, together. Which? Is disgusting. You people ought to be ashamed.
I am not dating a much older man. Who is also my dad. I mean I love my dad, but I don’t *love* my dad.
But people, please. You would realize he’s my dad if you peeled your eyelids open and looked us in the face. WE LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE.
And scarier than that? We ACT the same too. Which can get annoying and wear you out very quickly if you’re not expecting to be blindsided by two professional smartasses.
Anyway, I couldn’t correct the woman fast enough. No offense, Dad.
So after spending time yesterday and realizing that now he’s back we’ll be spending A LOT of time together, we need to wear t-shirts when out in public so people don’t get the wrong idea.
Mine will say: Stop staring! He’s my dad you pervert
His will say: I’m not hitting that…she’s my daughter
or something like that.
Anyway…Yay! My dad’s back!
PS. Leave your t-shirt slogans in the comments section.
PPS. Thanks again for all your love and support.
PPS. And thank you to whoever sent me flowers. I wish you’d signed your name.
PPPS. Did I mention it’s nice having my dad back in town?
But does he say “Who’s your daddy?” in public?
Since you asked for t-shirt slogans…
“You’re not disgusted, you’re JEALOUS”
There are more I could think of, but they start to cross the boundaries of good taste.
Your dad’s shirt: “I’m hanging out with my daughter to meet her hot friends.”
Your shirt: “My eyes are up here, dad.”
My dad and I have a standing date at a bar every Thrusday night. We have been almost every week for years now. I went in for a drink without him one night with some friends. I placed my order and the bartender ask me if i wanted to put it on my boyfriends tab. Yes the bartender thought my dad was my boyfriend.He thought that I was cheating on my husband with my father.
Yay, you’re happy about something! How about a shirt that says “my dad’s foxier than your dad”? Okay, that was kinda lame. but without crossing into innapropriate territory, it was the best I could do. I don’t think people would get it if your shirt said “Tell YOUR dad I said ‘thanks’”
I’m pretty sure that would cross the line/be gross.
Smiley faces to you!
Yay for dads! They totally rock.
the pressure, the pressure!
How about your dad’s says “Hell Yes, she’s gorgeous, but she’s my kid assholes.”
And yours: “Who’s your daddy? No really, I’m with mine. Who’s yours?”
Yeah, my dad is foxy too (though he’s not silver anymore because he shaved his head (which made him even foxier))
anyway…
people thought that about y’all because of girls like me. i like ‘em older. so, blame me for the awkward situation. I’ll buy you a drink to make up for it
My dad is one of my best friends. I hold his arm in public and everything. It never occurred to me that people might look at us like that….
It would be funny if his name were Richard. Then you could have a shirt that read “I’m with Rich and loving it.” and his could just say “I’m Rich.” Let people think what they want, it will offer encouragement to older men who don’t know you’re related.
@avitable: you are so funny!
Know what really would be cool? If you take those final t-shirts and then go to dinner with me. You want strange looks?
Do you know how lucky we are to have dads we like to hang with? But mine is a 83 year old red neck, not cool looking enough to be mistaken as a boyfriend. I’ll keep him.
Oh. Oh, no!! Oh, funny… Oh, AWESOME! Snicker-snort. xox
I just had to comment on this post! One of my first visits home from college, I went to lunch with my dad (and awholelotofnothing’s)- later we find out that his work associates thought he was stepping out on my mom! ICK!!
give your dad my numba