Are you tired of hearing about my vagina yet?
Good. Because I’m sick to death of talking about it.
A lot of people have asked how I’m doing, so I’ll tell you all together. I’m doing well. Seriously. Other than the fact that every time I get up and move around I tire out after 30 seconds and have to sit back down, I’m fine. Except that makes me feel like an old person. So basically I’m like the hottest hundred year old you’ve ever known.
Over the last week I’ve gotten numerous emails and DM’s on Twitter that read this…
How’s your vagina?
My reply?
My vagina is somewhat roomier with the recent uterus departure thingy. Thanks for asking.
I find it humorous that people feel so comfortable (especially men) asking about my lady bits in such a direct way. My grandmother would die. In fact, when she phoned Saturday to check on me at no time were the words vagina, hoo-ha, snatch, kitty, va-jay-jay, mothership, or pink taco used–except by me.
I think this is how the conversation went:
Hello?
Shauna? It’s me, your grandmother.
Oh, hi Mimi.
Well? How are you feeling?
Pretty good but my vagina hurts.
Your what hurts?
MY VAGINA.
Oh good Lord in Heaven. You and your mouth.
I’m pretty sure vagina is the actual technical name for that body part, Mim.
Well still. Do you have to go around saying it all the time?
Um. Apparently.
What?
No ma’am. I said no ma’am I do not.
Good. Well…I won’t keep you. Hope you’re up and around soon.
You mean me and my vagina?
Shauna Rae Glenn.
Sorry….
And then she hung up. I’m pretty sure I’m like the best granddaughter on the whole planet.
Today makes day 6 post hysterectomy and the depression has set in a little. I can’t drive yet and I haven’t been out of the house since I got home from the hospital. I think I’m feeling up to a little field trip today. Maybe I’ll get someone to drive me through Chick-fil-A. Surely I can sit in a car for 20 minutes. That’s if the sun doesn’t burn through my skin and melt it off my bones first–you know, from lack of exposure to light.
Dramatic? Please. I’ve been locked inside these four walls for nearly a week. You’re lucky I’m not making up some crazy story about how Big Foot stole my uterus and posting it on Twitter. Not that I would do something like that. That would be crazy. But dammit, I could.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Best conversation with a grandparent, ever. Hope you get out of the house soon!
I’d be going insane if I was locked inside for that long.
Here’s to a speedy recovery, babe. xo
I actually used to talk to my grandmother like that just to get her all shook up. It freaked her out that my boys call their penis their…..penis. Grandmas – they’re so easy!
Grandmas are treasures. It sounds like yours is priceless.
I wish a speedy recovery to you and your lady bits. 10 days later and you feel fine? You are woman, I can almost hear you roar.