When I met Tommy nearly 11 years ago I was working for my family business. At the time I was a single mom to my two oldest daughters. He lived in Mississippi and I was in Texas. So we did what any normal people would do in this situation and dated long distance. For Three Years.
We broke up several times over the three years (well, I would break up with him because I was a brat and wanted him to marry me already and he was pretty sure he didn’t want to get married–and I tried not to take that personally so instead I would totally take it personally–that’s what women do–and get mad and cry and end it–only to call him back and say “OK, I’ll give you another chance”), but in the end he finally came around and realized his life wouldn’t be considered a successful one unless he made me his wife.
So three years into our relationship, the weekend of August 17th, 2001, he came to town to see me. At the time my grandfather (and founder of the family business) was in a nursing home suffering from Alzheimer’s.
Side note: My book, Heaping Spoonful, is dedicated to my grandfather (who we called Dadaw). And also in it the main character’s mother suffers from Alzheimer’s and I did this for my family–to bring attention to the suck that is Alzheimer’s.
We awoke the morning of the 18th and well (cover your ears Dad), messed around. After, for some reason I said, “Let’s go visit Dadaw for a bit.” I don’t know why I said it. I don’t know what made me think of it. It wasn’t something we normally did on the weekends. But he agreed and we got dressed and drove to the nursing home. When we walked inside we were met in the hallway by one of the nurses and she looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m so glad you’re here. Your grandfather’s condition is grave.”
And I was like, “What? What are you talking about? We’re just here to visit.”
She grabbed my hand and walked with me to his room and said, “You better go say goodbye.”
I was in shock. What was happening? This wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were just stopping by on our way to have lunch. What the hell was going on?
Inside, I found my mother standing next to the bed where my grandfather lay. She was weeping quietly, holding his hand. I looked at her and she said, “I just came by to say ‘Hi’ and found out he’s dying. I wasn’t going to come today but something told me to.”
I didn’t tell her until later that I’d had the same feeling that morning.
We were just going to say Hello. And ended up saying Goodbye.
I leaned over my precious Dadaw, kissed his cheek, told him I loved him, and stood there and watched as he took his last breath. And my heart shattered to pieces. I put my hand on his face and closed his eyes. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done–watch one of my heros pass away.
The next part was even harder. Calling my grandmother. She hadn’t been there. She didn’t know. She didn’t normally come to see him until lunch time.
I dialed her number and when she answered, I told her she needed to come to the nursing home as soon as possible. I didn’t tell her that the man she’d called “husband” for over 50 years had just died, but by the quiet calmness in her voice, I think she knew.
I then had the awful task of calling everyone in the family. Shortly after, the room that my grandfather had spent his last years in was filled with children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, and cousins.
Over the next few days and weeks, we celebrated our beloved grandfather by telling stories, recounting fun memories, enjoying each other’s company.
And then 9/11 happened. The world was going mad. And I remember thinking I was glad Dadaw wasn’t around to witness the horror. He was a kind, gentle man and seeing what the rest of us were witnessing would’ve broken his heart. At least he’d been spared that.
It was about that time that I found out I was pregnant with Harley. And I was both shocked and excited. And shocked.
And not married.
And not living in the same state as the baby daddy.
I took the calendar out of my purse and did the math. Let’s see, I had my period here, Tommy came to town, carry the 2 and divide by the square root of 40, and…I realized something kinda special. Turns out Harley was conceived the day my grandfather died. Almost like a life for a life. And that made me smile (After I bawled my eyes out of course). She was going to be an extra special baby. She would take my grandfather’s place in the world.
I called Tommy and told him the news. It was a weird time. The world was chaos–there were planes being flown into buildings. People were afraid to leave their homes–afraid to take their kids to school–afraid to live a normal life. Normal wasn’t normal anymore.
And I was going to have a baby.
At this point in our relationship we knew we were going to get married, but finding out we were with child sorta put the plan in motion. Because the world was a crazy and uncertain place, we decided not to have a big wedding. So what do you do when you want to get married but not make a big deal out of it? Why you go to Vegas, baby.
Tommy came to town and we planned our trip. And also, I told him I was pretty sure I needed a diamond ring. So we did what every couple does (snort) and ordered my ring online. Then we bought plane tickets (I’m pretty sure the reservation assistant said, “Are you sure you want to get on a plane? They’re flying into buildings across America you know,” or something like that) and then called the Mandalay Bay and told them we wanted to get married there–could they please take care of it.
The date we decided on? October 10th. My grandfather’s birthday. I think that’s fitting, don’t you?
A week later, a package arrived at work for me. I knew immediately what it was. My ring. I immediately phoned Tommy (who was in Mississippi, working) and said, “Can I please open it?” I mean really, there was no need to be formal or anything, right? He’d already gotten me pregnant. I think he said something like whatever makes you happy so I wasted no time in ripping open the box. And inside was my beautiful diamond ring that we ordered online.
He flew into town later that night and I picked him up at the Delta terminal. As we were exiting the airport, Tommy spotted a Jack in the Box up ahead and asked me to pull in–he was hungry. So as we were waiting behind several cars in the drive-thru line I looked over at him and said, “Well, don’t you have anything to ask me?” Puzzled, he asked, “What are you talking about?” I reached into my bag and pulled out the box that held my sparkly new diamond ring and handed it to him. It was now my turn to order. I leaned my head out the window and spoke into the clown’s face. “I need 2 chicken fajita pitas, please and a large Diet Coke.” And then turned my attention back to Tommy. “Well?” I asked again. “Don’t you think you should ask me to marry you?” He opened the box, took out the ring and placed it on my left ring finger.
“So you wanna get married or what?”
Don’t hate him cuz he’s so romantic.
Now, contest time. I love contests. The prize is a Tungsten wedding band. Send me your worst proposal story. I mean, bad. Don’t hold back. Bring it. We want to hear all about it. The winner will receive a ring of your choice (with a value up to $120). Tell your story in the comments section. The winner will be announced next Thursday. And….GO!
*Remember: Alzheimer’s sucks. Please help if you can. The world can’t afford to lose anymore Dadaws.
BEAUTIFUL!! Loved it
My youngest daughter was born on the day my husband's father died.
I totally believe she took his place.
My first was conceived the day my husband's 93 yr old 'nannie' died. For a while, we were sort of 'ew' about that fact, but bad news + lots of booze = crazy sex, and whala! baby!
great story about dadaw. And my proposal story is quaint and cute and not over the top, so I'll keep it to meself.
i will always remember being at may advertising and playing on the bearskin rug in dadaw'a office!
as far as proposals, i have a non-proposal story. cory and i had been dating for a year and a half when he took me in to a jewelry store on christmas eve. he told me to pick out WHATEVER I WANTED. without hesitation, i went straight for the diamond rings and picked out this beautiful antique ring. i immediately put it on my left ring finger and it was decided~by me~ that we were getting married.
he later told me…"i was hoping you'd pick out a watch."
sucka!
My birthday is on the 10th of Oct as well. I am happy to share it with your dadaw.
I don't have a proposal story because my ex thought it would be fun to make a child with me and then get engaged to someone else two months later. Bless his heart…
"Almost like a life for a life." That is so beautiful.
my wonderful husband asked to marry him like this "so, ya, i GUESS your as good as its gonna get for me, wanna get hitched?" oh it was such a beautiful proposal. ugh! my dumbass said yes though, I guess he was as good as it was going to get for me too. lol.
oh yeah, i forgot to add, when he gave me the ring he also told me "just so you know, i could have bought a really sweet set of wheels and tires for my truck instead of this damn ring" wow, i really landed a good one eh? J/K i really do love my man.
After a three month breakup where he went through boot camp, and I failed out of classes at school, the now-H came home.
We met to "talk" and "catch up" and, naturally, got right back together.
It was about a week later, after much hawt sweaty barely-out-of-our-teens sex, we were snuggling in my bed, in my crappy shared apartment, in the room that was a total mess, watching bad network tv on a set from the 80s that he "popped" the question.
Well, sort of.
What actually happened was, he slid one of his rings on my finger, and I asked what he was up to ('cuz I iz SWIFT like that)
He said, "I want you to be mine, and I want everyone to know that I'm with you."
Awww…melty little puddle of thepsychobabble on the floor there….
Of course, it was sooo crystal clear what he was asking that I totally did NOT turn to him a few hours later and say, "So wait, you mean like "engaged and getting married"? Or like "We're going 'steady and exlusive'?" (which maybe I should have clarified before melting into a puddle of yes-ness)
Nope. I did NOT do that AT ALL.
So sweet!
Now that the novel comment is out of the way….
I wanted to say that I think that's really special that your baby has a special connection to such an important man in your life.
Love it! My proposal story is not really bad. He put the ring on the collar of the dog we just adopted. Then asked "Will you marry me?" He's a simple man, bless him.
Thanks for sharing such a tender, sad time of your life. Beautifully written, so sad, but so sweet at the end.
As for my proposal? I don't think mine is especially over the top but I DO know I was a bit disappointed in how cliche it was. We went hiking on a cold day in March – hiking parts of the Apalachian Trail. Afterwards, my boyfriend asked if I wanted an ice cream. I said, No. It's too cold. He insisted. So we went on this massive trek to find ice cream. He NEVER wants ice cream (and I almost ALWAYS want ice cream) so this was a little weird for me. None of the quaint ice cream shops were open (hello? It's March?). All we could find was a Dairy Queen. He tells me to wait in the car and then brings back hot fudge sundaes for us. As I'm eating I see something at the bottom of the cup. It looks like a bandaid. After further investigation I realize it's a ring. I say, "Ewwww. Somebody's ring fell in my ice cream." He's grinning like a fool and then I realize what is about to happen. But the whole time he's asking I'm thinking about all the germs in the sundae that I've just eaten. You just can't put an engagement ring in a germophobe's food. That's just wrong.
Thank you for sharing that story. I too, was lucky enough to be able to tell my grandfather that I loved him, before he passed via pancreatic cancer. You almost made me cry. Try not to do that again, Sweetie, okay? *BigHug*
Well, my hubby and I began dating when he asked me out over college interweb (email back in the day). 5 years later we were living together (*gasp*) and he decided to ask me to marry him on my birthday. He took me to this adorable little Italian place, requested the hearth-side table and nervously fidgeted through appetizers and entres. I knew something was up because my fruegal spouse doesn't order appetizers…could it be?
He couldn't get himself to do it because this tabel of old ladies was so loud with their stories about lousey husbands and wine-infused cackling, he chickened out!
Later, we go back to our shabby-not-chic apartment and he disappears for a while. I go online to check my email and there is one from him. "Hmmm…Weird", I think to myself.
Well, there is an email from Brian detailing his love for me and at the bottom it says turn around – there he was on one knee. He asked in our little sin-palace bedroom with no old ladies around.
It was perfect…but not…just like us!
What a lovely and touching post. Well done.
We really didn't have a proposal, per se. He had always said he didn't want to get married, he would be perfectly happy to live together forever. He knew I had a different idea of how things should work. One afternoon we were sitting in the kitchen with his mom and sister and talking about weddings, hypothetically. His mom said she liked a winter wedding (which is funny because her anniv. is in August), his sister agreed, and he said fall is the best time for a wedding, and I agreed with him. He then said something to the effect that he would only want to get married in the historic church he was raised in, and I agreed it would be a pretty place to get married in. In the fall. One thing led to another, and someone said something like, I don't know if the church will be available, and I said I'd call and check, we went back and forth, and somehow we ended up engaged. There was no proposal. Later in our room, he told me he was upset, because he was robbed of making a proposal. I asked him how he would have proposed, and said he would have mowed it into a hillside (he was a landscaper). He made me a ring out of weedeater string, which I still have in my jewelry box. We did get married, in October, in his family's historic church. And I had a real ring by then. But never a proposal.
First, I knew I was going to marry my wife on our first date. When I decided to propose, we had been dating for sixteen weeks. She knew I was going to propose and did the smart thing by showing me the ring (and size) she would want if she was ever going to say, "Yes."
The day I picked up the ring was not the day I wanted to propose. I wanted to arrange some kind of elaborate,memorable moment. I received permission from her dad and started to make plans. She came over to my house while I was getting dressed for our date the next night. I told her I had the ring and I was waiting for when the time was right. She said she was too shy for a fancy restaurant proposal and she would probably faint.
Needless to say, I immediately scrapped my plans and asked her out to our front porch. Since I was in the middle of getting ready, I was just wearing red silk boxers. My dog, a big black Chow, stood behind me (as my wingman) as I knelt down on the front steps. I launched into the speech I had prepared and watched as the smile spread across her face. I started to smile and she interrupted to tell me, "You better not laugh while you are doing this."
I was holding the ring behind my back and my dog decided to investigate. I waved him off and told him to sit. [I so wish I had trained him better.] I turned around to ask the magic question. As I was asking my wife to marry me, my big black Chow was giving my butt a good 'cold nose inspection'. I couldn't commit the sin of proposal interruptus so I kept a straight face until she said, "Yes!" I stood up quickly and sealed the deal with a kiss.
I never tell anyone about the dog when I tell friends how I proposed. But it is the part that makes me laugh whenever I tell them!
My son's father (not the man I ended up marrying) bought me a ring and hid it in his glove box. We were driving from my house in Florida to his Mom's house in Indiana and I accidentally told him to make an exit and we ended up 80 miles in the wrong direction.
He pulled into a gas station to read the map and figure out what to do. I needed a napkin because in his aggravation he yanked the wheel and spilled soda on me. I opened the glove box, the ring box fell out with the napkins. He looked at me and said "you might as well put it on so it'll be domestic violence when i knock you out for this mess."
We lasted another 8 months and a child before I realized it wasn't my idea of Prince Charming.
The world works in mysterious ways. We are actually going to Vegas next Friday and getting married next Saturday in front of the Las Vegas "Welcome Sign". I'm not pregnant or anything, but we wanted to surprise everyone.
As for my proposal story, it was the night before Thanksgiving and I was covered in green beans and mashed potatoes, and his line was, "Let's give them something to talk about tomorrow." And that was that. Thank you for your lovely blog!
My dad also pulled the romantic, "So do you want to get married or what?!" Although, even more romantic than your story, because they were mid-fight. Fight over how my grandfather had to come stay with my mom and he would be upset to find out that they were living together before marriage, so basically my mom gave him the ultimatum, and he said FINE YOU WANNA GET MARRIED OR WHAT? Ahhh, gives me goosebumps every time.
What a beautiful and touching story!
My hubby and I lived together with my DD for some time. When I got preggers, he turned to me and said "Hey, want to wear my ring?" I still give him shit about it! LOL
Oh, my propsal was oh so romantic ;o) we were stopped at a stop sign and he leaned over and said "oh, by the way (pull out ring box) do you wanna marry me?" This was after a nice dinner on our way to the prom. Yes, we got married young and I married my highschool sweetheart. We are still married, and its been 15 years.
Your Dadaw was very special to our family.
Touching, lovely story.
Why haven't I read your book yet? Because I'm stupid, that's why.
First, I loved this post. I related to it because most my family has died, and soon after someone would pass on, I would find out I was pregnant.
As for the proposal story. I need a ring because mine was cut off my hand when pregnant with my first.
After dating six weeks and three days my husband asked me to marry him after a concert he performed in for the local University Jazz band. There was no real romance, no ring, and he proposed to me in the parking lot of the Denny's. I actually thought he was going to break it off with me and ask me if we could just be friends by the way he was acting, but then he just said it "I am in love with you and want you to spend the rest of your life with me." This is while drunks and unsavory people stumbled in and out of the Denny's at midnight. I said YES and then went in and had a Grand Slam. My husband asked me to marry him in the parking lot of the Denny's. Oy.
So, I was living in Athens, Greece and dating my now-husband. And he had a motorcycle and decided it was cooler to be the designated drinker and make me drive my car and I was late to pick him up for a night of clubbing…and I'd had a long day at work. So, his sister and sister-in-law decided they wanted to go out for coffee and he'd already been drinking, so I figured he'd forget about going out and I'll hang out with the girls and drink coffee instead. So I told him I'd drop them off and be right back. I lied. I sat with them and 1 coffee turned to 2 and we ordered thirds and then I saw his brother drive up on a motorcycle and he was on the back. And he pulled me aside and held my hands and asked why I hadn't come back. And I told him I didn't want to go clubbing. He just looked at me and said, "Don't you get it? I don't want to go by myself? I want to be with you. I want to marry you." Then he threw up in a trash can at the outdoor cafe we were at and I felt immediately compelled to leave…with my purse covering my face. We got married and found out we were expecting a week later.
Sphew! That was close.
Engagement stories…well I have one..and all my children tell it all the time…
It makes me seem like a slut..and really back then I might have been one..just a little bit…but anyway…
So I was a single mother.."dating" hooking up pretty often…with a guy that was in the navy. after about four months of hooking up and hanging out, we had sorta decided that maybe this might be a relationship in the making. both of us weren't really wanting to have a title, but when i see you everyday and you spend every night at my house, sounds sorta relationship like.
Anyway..so fast forward till I find out I was pregnant. He was in the middle of the ocean. we meet up for our yahoo chat session
Me: Heh, I am knocked up.
Him: Sweet. I like kids
Think we should get married?
Me: Nah, being married because of a baby is stupid.
Him: Okay cool. We will be back in port on Sunday for four hours. Visit me?
Me: Sure.
Him: Sure you don't want to marry me?
This time came and went. I was about five months pregnant at the time, watching tv on the couch in my living room. I was tired and cranky, and we had gotten my first ultrasound bill.
Him: is this your portion?
Me: Yea, why?
Him: You sure you don't want to get married.
Me: Fine. Let's do it.
Him: Cool cause I think it will save us money in the long run!
i know such a winner!
I forgot to add..my gramms is dealing with the same illness right now. She moved into my parents house almost a year ago now..and it was because she flushed her panties down her toilet letting it flood from her upstairs bathroom..and because no one went to see her since bedtime…it flooded the entire upstairs of her house. It's crazy just how much she has changed…it drives my mom CRAZY!
Wonderful story! And sorry, but my proposal story is good. I think. Wait. Yeah, it was good. I mean parts of it were bad, but it was still romantic. Sort of. Wait, does dropping the ring into the sewer count as a bad thing? (kidding!)
I was in a situation kinda like yours. Pregnant before married.
My boyfriend (now hubby), was out side playing with my kid from the first marriage and I was inside taking a pregnancy test, he didn't know, of course. Sat there, waited, test popped positive, took it to the door, said "hey matt" and waved it at him and he goes "so I guess we're getting married right", and I responded "yep". So as you can see not romantic at all but we were already talking about marriage, we just had to bump it up many months…
What a great story.
That might just be the craziest story I have ever heard.
Thanks for sharing that story with us SG!
Tommy was a "baby daddy" That is classic!
Some people propose in Paris, some in the drive thru!
Have to go change my panties…
I thought you were a "virgin"?
SR
My best friend in the world had been trying for 3 years to get pregnant, and ended up getting pregnant the month her father died from pancreatic cancer. We get to meet her little boy in 2 months!
Proposal story:
I was 20. And I mean, just 20- that day, my birthday. My future husband had a banner night planned-we went gabling at an Indian Casino. Yippee! Then, when we came home, he had hired the college's accapella group to sing to me in the living room of his hall director apartment. Slightly awkward, slightly adorable! Then, he had done one of those boxes in a box in a box deals to gift me my ring. All very corny/cute.
However, again, I was 20. So I am not sure what I was expecting when I called my dad to explain that I was engaged to that guy I had been dating for 4 months. After my shrieking excitement came a long pause, and my dad answered "Jessica, I am watching Ally McBeal. I am gonna have to call you back."
In the 8 years and 2 kids since, he has warmed up to the idea. Ah, memories.
I just stumbled across your blog and I love it!! It is so fun…
anyway my proposal story plays out much like my present life…riddled with profanity and sarcasm! So my then boyfriend and I had been living together for many months to our parents chagrin(I love that word–thanks Twilight series)Anyway we were planning on having a get together later that evening and were dividing up the cleaning tasks–I got pissed because somehow I got stuck cleaning toilets and not just any toilet but the toilet that my sweet angel of a boyfriend had decided to murder when he got food poisoning a few weeks before…bleck! You can't even imagine how gross it was. So as I set to work, gagging the whole way through he came in to check on me a few times which only served to aggravate me and mutter obscenities about his shitty ass ways(literally) under my breath. Well I had finally had it after like the 100th time and told him in no uncertain terms to eff off–he got kind of serious and said as nonchalantly as possible well I was going to tell you that this was the perfect practice for you since you would be cleaning up my shit for the rest of our lives together–marry me please?!!
Ain't he a doll?
Thank you for sharing your story, it had me in tears. My grandfather suffers from this illness as well and I have a hard time going to visit him because he is worse every time I see him. It breaks my heart, especially when he no longer knew who I was.
As for proposals, how about a lack of proposal? I've lived with my boyfriend of 3 years for the past 2 years and we just had a baby together last month. Now he talks about going to Vegas in a year or two to get married. Should I just assume we're in engaged? There is no ring involved and something tells me there never will be an engagement ring. LOL. I laugh but deep on the inside I am just a bit sad too.
I just found your blog today, and reading through the “Best of” I came acrossed this one. It brought tears to my eyes and a a lump to my throat. My grandfather, Beepa, as I called him, died the day after your Dadaw. I was extremely close to him and it brought me to my knees when he died, I didn’t know how to breathe in a world where he didn’t live. I too became pregnant not long after, although it wasn’t as soon. And I too had the same thought go through my mind when 911 happened. The two thoughts I remember most vividly were, Thank GOD he did not live to see this, and How am I going to bring a child into this crazy scary world?
As for proposal stories… I know the contest is LONG over, but I just have to share.
It was the day after Valentines 2001. My parents had taken our daughter for a night so that we could spend a night alone together before baby number two arrived. That’s right, I was 7 and a half months pregnant with our son. So we got a hotel room, and everything was going wrong. My super sweet “baby-daddy” went in and ran me a bubble bath, lit candles and put on soft music. While I was in the bath, he was out in the room, TV blaring and just doing his thing. His thing? He was lighting even more candles and setting a romantic scene. I just thought he was trying to get some. I went out, dried off and laid naked in the bed, after all, that is kind of what we were there for. He pulls me into a sitting position and says he has something to tell me. So there we are, both naked as the day we were born, sitting facing each other criss cross applesauce style, and he pulls out the ring. He asked, I laughed, I looked at my HUGE belly and thought of the little one at my mom’s and could only say one thing, YES!!
We JUST got married this past August.
That was after 8 years of being together and a four year engagement.
Our children? They were the flower girl and ring bearer. LOL
I too have just come across this blog and have spent the last three hours going through a number of the posting laughing my ass off!! What hoot!
Okay, this one may just top the cake on engagement horry stories. Let me see if I can remember the details as it is something that i have spent a number of years trying to forget. I had been dating this guy for a while and had moved in together. He had always taken me out for dinner at Denny’s (used car salesman…. which shoulda been the first sign to run). Well, this one evening, he took me out for dinner to Tony Roma’s… something strange about that though did not say anything. He was acting all funny too, though had dinner and left. We had to stop at Walmart on the way home to pick up something…. he took me to the toy section and told me to stay there and not to go anywhere as he walked away. A number of minutes later he came back and we left. Not too sure what was soo important that he couldn’t take me on the shopping trip with him, we left! It was late by this time and I had to work in the morning so we just went home and went off to bed. Well, as we are lying in bed saying our goodnights, he rolls over and looks at me with this shit eating grin on his face and asks me if I would consider being his wife and making him the happiest man on earth and then proceeds to raise his knee from under the covers… the bloody idiot had put the ring on his toe before getting into bed. Bigger idiot I was, I said yes… though shortly thereafter woke up and said no! Whole other story follows that one, though the engagement was enough to send me over the edge.
I later found the best man on the face of the planet and married him… the proper way (no toes involved!) We have since had a little girl who was conceived shortly after the passing of my grandfather. I love how his spirit lives on in her!!
My grandfather passed away on 12th August 2001. I was the only grandchild that had the chance to say goodbye the night before he died. (Also felt that night I needed to see him).