So, Drew, from Eden Fantasys asked me if I would be interested in writing a review for one of their products. And I was like, “um, of course I would,” because I’ll do anything. I’m like a hooker like that. But I’d never heard of Eden Fantasys so I wasn’t really sure what I would be reviewing. But Eden Fantasys sounds like kittens and rainbows to me, am I right?
Late last week the kind FedEx delivery man brought me a package. At first I’d assumed it was the book I’d ordered, FU, Penguin (which is a total riot–you must read it), but upon further investigating (which translates to opening the box) I saw that it was the product I was going to be reviewing.
And I was immediately super excited. And a little confused.
What was it? It was unclear. The box said Play Pal Bumper, which didn’t give any clues as to its intended use, but it looked like some new kind of hand mixer. AND, it was scented.
Cool. Just what I needed. OK, maybe a little weird–a scented hand mixer–but I’m open minded. I was willing to give it a shot. What the hay.
I grabbed a Duncan Hines Moist Deluxe cake mix (never mind that I just said the word I hate the most on the planet *moist* but I find when you’re doing a review it’s best if you remain true to the experiment which means not leaving out any details–so there, I said it *moist*) and began getting all of the ingredients needed for making a cake with my new handy, pink (for breast cancer awareness maybe?) hand mixer.
After successfully adding the eggs, oil, and water to the mix, I went to plug in the mixer. But wait. No plug. It did however, take 2 double A batteries. Hmm. Interesting.
Batteries installed, I pressed the button on the top of the mixer. This is when I noticed the mixer’s incredibly soft and sleek design. Its velvety texture was a very pleasant feeling in my hand. I also quite enjoyed the soothing humming sound it made. Turns out there were 3 speeds to the mixer, probably medium was just right for using on cake batter.
As I stirred and mixed using the Play Pal Bumper, I noticed how gentle it was with the batter. It was a most enjoyable experience–not only for me, but I’m sure the cake mix as well.
After mixing was complete…..Hold on one second….Someone is talking into my earpiece.
What the…?
Holy…
Are you sure?
A-hem.
Well folks, it seems I’ve made a teeny tiny error. I’m being told that what I assumed was a hand mixer is not a hand mixer at all, but a….VIBRATOR.
Excuse me one second, please. (Runs to bedroom carrying hand mixer, er, vibrator)
Several minutes pass.
And then…
OH MY GOD, YOU MUST GET ONE OF THESE.
And, oh yeah, the cake wasn’t bad either.
Here’s the BEST PART! Drew is kindly giving one of these Play Pal Bumpers to one of YOU! The contest is this: Best use for a vibrator other than its intended use. The funniest, most original idea WINS! Enter in the comments section and the winner will be announced one week from today. So don’t be a ninny–GO! Enter! Win!
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
This was so funny that I laughed out loud. Dammit, I wish you had pictures! Great stuff, Shauna, as usual.
That's gotta be the HAPPIEST CAKE EVER!
Also: Scented? How? Cake scented?
MY GOD, THIS WAS FUNNY.
My idea for its use? Cleaning belly buttons.
Lame, I know. But what else is there to DO with it besides what you're supposed to do with it?
I could SO use a new hand mixer!
Also? I think it would totally make a rad drum roll sound when paired with Aman's bongos for Five Star Friday Live and Ask Aman. Just saying.
Oh! And? I think it would make an awesome cat toy!
And I'm sure I could probably find a way to include it in a science experiment/lesson for my home schooled kids…
OH THE POSSIBILITIES!
Love it!
I don't know if it's a good use or not, but several years ago my kids (then 6 and 4) were snooping around in my goody drawer and found my toys. When they asked "what is THAT?" I replied that it was a large Q-tip for adults with big ears.
They bought it back then. Not so sure they would now though.
Fuck photos. Where's the video?
Put it under the crib mattress, turns it into a magic fingers (vibrating mattress, of course) and helps baby sleep.
Yes, a mixer would be a great contest win.
Or you could take it camping, and put it in a tin pot, turn it on, and then the sound will scare away the mountain lions.
Find some pretty pictures of cute animals, or use family photos. Cut them out and glue onto presentation or card board. Attach to some kind of flexible, bendy rope-like material. Maybe pipe cleaners or similar. Attach these to the Play Pal Bumper. Hang over crib. You've got a mobile. I'm totally Martha Stewart.
So if i come over and eat the cake made with the "special" mixer, will i have the same reaction that Meg Ryon does in "When Harry Met Sally" only not fake????
Ellen
I could totally use one of those HAND MIXERS!
I think I'd use it as a Hubby Trainer. Teach him a few lessons, like:
-When a person is sleeping, A BONER IN THE BACK IS NOT FOREPLAY!
or
-Shoving a phallic object in one's face does not automatically make them want to open their mouth!
Then, in the middle of the night when the baby cries, I'd stick it in his fake-sleeping ear until he gets up. Same thing when the clock goes off for him to get up for work. I won't kindly hit the snooze button anymore, I'll poke Hubby with the HAND MIXER! Or when there's a dirty diaper, or the trash needs to go out, or I need a few bucks…
I guess maybe I'd also use it to mix up some sort of margarita or other yummy foo-foo drink. Then maybe I'd actually show him what it's really for, so he'd have a clue.
Yep! I think it would make a fantastic Hubby Trainer, in so many ways!
krys13@msn.com
Holy hot mama in the kitchen!
Best use for a vibrator, other than a vibrator?
Why – What the? I thought it's intended use was always as a cute door stopper? No? I'm cornfused. I need to find The Google.
As a hands-on learner I had to quickly run to my goodie drawer to have a reference to go by. I was quickly reminded of the time my mother-in-law repeatedly told me in her not-so-quiet voice at a restaurant that I “looked tired and should go home and use my personal massager.” Now I know she was referencing something for my back BUT this got me to thinking..what would I tell her my real personal massager was for… and here it is… Scrap Booking! I am not a scrap booking kinda gal so those who are please forgive me… but I think that a personal massager is gentle enough to press pictures into place while not damaging the photo itself. No more edges popping up when you think you are done pasting your pictures to the page! AND just think about those scrap booking bags they make..you could store so many!
Not that I would know this from personal experience AT ALL, but perhaps during those middle of the night scream fests that babies are so fond of, you know, the ones that make you want to shove spikes in your ears so that you go deaf and never have to hear again? During one of those nights, a nice, clean vibrator MIGHT just make a great soothing massager for babies tummy. Or even a vibrating chew toy for swollen gums. Not that I would ever do anything like that. hem.
OMG! I absolutely MUST HAVE this extraordinary new flag for my mailbox!
Think the postman will like its smooth grip, too.
Since no one else is going to state the obvious, then I will.
Nice Boobs.
No offense, Shauna. But really. It was all I could look at. It's a compliment. To your boobs. And to you.
All right. Carry on…
Nathan,
No joke. And the boobs AND the vibrator together in the same picture? Holy smokes.
Tis my new favorite website. And also, not a pervert. Just a man who enjoys beautiful boobs (I mean women). My apologies to all the women who now obviously hate me.
Wow. My boobs are a topic for discussion? I don't know whether to be flattered or go put on more clothes.
Shauna…even I noticed your smokin' hot boobs! I got a little envious. But I was too busy laughing my ass off to dwell.
Now…as to a more non-traditional use for the hand mixer…my son took one look and said,
"That's a cool torpedo!"
So, we could use them as the new weapon of choice. The enemy will be too happy to want to carry on. And isn't that the point?
Scented. Why? So yeah…it's good stuff?
Faerie Mom, I was about to get on here and post the EXACT same thing. I know this sounds horrible, but I actually bought a tiny submersable vibrator for my daughter when she started teething. I have a friend who hosts passion parties, and she suggested the idea to me when nothing else seemed to work. Keep it in the freezer, and when a bout of teething comes viola! It also works for rubbing on their tummy when they are gassy, and putting under the carseat pad during long car rides. It would lull her to sleep every time! So yes, when she grows up she can tell her friends that she had her first vibrator when she was 4 months old.
Y'all are funnnnnnnnnny. I vote for Krystal, Reason #1. I'm gonna try that.
well, according to my 3 1/2 year, they make great toys for babies. one morning as i was sitting in the living room with cory and my MOTHER….let me say that again, my MOTHER…mackenzie came running from my bedroom holding a sex toy and announced, "here mommy…here's layton's toy…but it needs batteries!"
my ass has never moved off the couch that fast. ever.
De-lurking in the name of a dildo, seriously…this was hilarious!
LOL. Shauna, this was such an awesome review!! I was laughing so hard I was crying. I have to agree with several of the other posters. You are very beautiful!!!
So, I've been thinking about a unique use for a vibrator. I'm thinking that a little duct tape, my toothbrush, and the vibrator could make a great supersonic toothbrush that removes all plaque from on and between the teeth.
That was hilarious! And, yes, you have a very nice rack.
OMG! I almost peed my pants when I read this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tracie's response was pretty funny too!
Okay..true store…best use of a "hand mixer" besides hand mixing…baby vibrating chair. the battery went out one night in my daughters…and she when she was colicky..it was the only thing that worked…my husband ran upstairs, and opened the brand new one given to me as a funny baby shower present..yes VERY INTERESTING CO WORKER…and place it under a blanker under her..she went right to sleep..now that i re think it..maybe as a baby..she just her baby mixing on..and fell asleep after…hmmm
Why is it "Pink"? Does it make Omelettes? I do love Omelettes! Make mine a Denver please.
SR
I will never look at moist cake in the same way ever again. I mean, I'll still eat it, but now it'll leave me feeling slightly guilty.
A baby pleaser! Not in a dirty way. But like stick it in the car seat so it vibrates and they hush and fall asleep…
Well, if my children found it, it would be a microphone and can I tell you they would be rockin' the house with a little Black Eyed Peas or Bon Jovi.
Um…that's not a mixer Dear…it's for the va-jay-jay
Okay so I would have to say the vibrator would make a good airplane flagger thing (sorry dont know what the name of those bright things are they flag the planes with.) However, that vibrator is so bright it would be PERFECT for the job. Besides, it would be great entertainment while waiting to exit the plane!
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