MISSING!
Warning: This person may appear normal (meaning not insane)
but if you see her approach with caution
and with cupcakes
and wine
preferably white and of the Pinot Grigio kind
(No amount of cupcake and wine is too much)
This once attractive girl was last seen leaving her house
kicking and screaming–something indecipherable
but sounding much like
“Help me, these people are trying to kill me”
which is totally ridiculous if not completely true
She answers to the name Shauna, but has many aliases
including Bitch, Mommy, and Hey Lady You Can’t Drink At High School Football Games
Her hair is blonde with gray-ish roots
Her smile is forced
Her eyes, glazed over
She will probably get in the car with you if you tell her you have Xanax.
Please help us find her so we can put her away love her more.
PS. You can also see me over at Aiming Low today. It’s a new, original story you’ve never read. I know this because I wrote it yesterday. And also? Leave a comment over there so they’ll think I’m important. I’m trying to impress them with my made up popularity.
PPS. My kids got me sick. Which is totally awesome. Because nothing says “We love you Mommy” like a virus.
PPPS. I’m serious about wanting a cupcake. You never joke about a thing like that. It could get you stabbed.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
That picture? Gorgeous!
If I find you, I'd absolutely bring cupcakes. I'll even lace them w/ xanax.
What a way to start the day. You're missing? Can I come where you are? It's gotta be more fun than where I am.
LOL
Love that picture. You look like you're up to something. Possibly no good.
And I LOVE the RANDY ROGERS BAND.
Hilarious and you can rest assured that if I find you, I'll have cupcakes (my favorite!) and wine (also my favorite!) for you!
PS – You are gorgeous!
Oooh, I hope you get rescued by a hot cop.
You don't get to say anything bad about your smile. Ever. Shut your hole.
LMAO. Nice post, Sugar! =) So it's one of those days, huh? *BigHug* You're right, when you say "Nothing says love, like a virus." *giggling* Good luck Mama!
So I probably shouldn't tell you that I threw 12 homemade cupcakes into the compost bin? Sorry!! But I could manage the wine and Xanax!!
***Ally
I'm making you a batch of cupcakes right now… I understand the need. Pinot Grigio is on ice. Come to Montreal – wish I could translate everything for you, but me no par-lay la langue so much, so I make up my own subtitles in this world… use the word "fuck" and "douchebag" a lot. Drink wine to dislodge cupcake particles while chortling over fart jokes. Good times in Quebec – come see.
Pinot grigio.., yum!
Hi! Just came by to see what all was going on over up in here! I'm glad I stopped by and read. You're a funny gal! I'll be back!
How about you DON'T get found and come see me in Thailand for a few weeks?
love and miss ya
If you get cupcakes, share the love.
this has nothing to do with your post, just felt obligated to pass on. a top doctor on the good morning show today said to gain inner peace all you need to do is finish everything you have started in your life. so before i left the house, i finished the 1/2 bottle of merlot, vodka, and a six pack. a box of chocolates, 1/2 a cheese cake and a bag of chips. i can't tell you how frickn good i feel right now!
OMG Just finding your site. Love it. All I can say is if you figure out where to go where they can’t find you… let me know.
Kelly Ozley
kellyozley.wordpress.com