So I’m in the middle of writing a new book. And so far, I love it. Every day I can’t wait to start working on it again.
But there’s something keeping me from getting as far as I’d like…. *knock at the door*
Yes? Who is it?
It’s me, Mom. Riley.
What do you need? I’m working.
I need $10 to have my hockey stick re-taped.
It’s in my purse. Wait. $10? For who?
Anna. She’s going to do it for me.
And she wants $10?
Yeah Mom. It’s a service. We can’t expect her to do it for FREE!
Did Anna have lunch over here?
Yes.
And did Anna have anything to drink with her lunch?
Yes ma’am. A diet Coke.
Well, tell her to consider that payment.
*undecipherable mumbling then silent again*
Ok, so where was I?
Oh yeah–the reason I can’t get anything done.
Besides the many interruptions that go on throughout the day, I’m also dealing with lack of sleep. It’s been AT LEAST a week since I slept through the night. Take last night for instance.
I was about to tuck the little ones into their beds when Tommy said, “let them lay down with us for awhile.”
I sighed heavily and said, “fine, but we’re turning off the TV. I’m exhausted.”
He complied.
As I lay next to Ethan I felt and heard him wheezing. His chest was all crackly and he seemed to be working really hard at breathing.
I threw back the covers and said, “you need a breathing treatment.”
After 15 minutes or so, we settled back into bed. Although 4 in a bed isn’t really all that comfortable. I had little kicky feet in my face and back, and at times I was so close to the edge, I had to grip the mattress to keep myself from falling off.
About 12:30, the dogs started barking. Someone had left them outside. I NEVER leave them in the backyard for this very reason. So, again I threw back the covers and let the dogs in. And I gave them a good talking-to about barking when people are trying to sleep. I’m SURE they learned their lesson. Tommy also took this opportunity to go sleep in Ethan’s room. So now, there were only 3 in the bed.
Around 2, Ethan started wheezing and coughing again. So I once again scooped him up and headed to the bathroom.
10 minutes later, we were back in bed.
At 3:30, Ethan woke up screaming, saying “My leg! My leg! It hurts!”
I turned on the light and sure enough Ethan’s right kneecap was swollen. Like really swollen. My first thought? Cancer.
I started freaking out. Which made Ethan freak out. And I knew then what I had to do. I carried Ethan to where Tommy was sleeping and I yelled out, “Tommy! Something’s wrong with Ethan!” He jumped out of bed and said, “What is it? His asthma? Is he not breathing?”
I said, “No! I can handle asthma. What I can’t handle is THIS!”
He rubbed his eyes and took Ethan (who was still screaming) from me. He examined his knee and said, “He probably fell down yesterday and now it’s sore. Give him Motrin.”
Motrin? We don’t need Motrin! We need an oncologist! “Tommy, seriously? You think he’s ok”
Tommy kissed Ethan’s knee and handed him back to me. “Yes. I think he’s fine. Why? What’d you think? That he had cancer?”
He thinks he’s so smart.
After a few more minutes, Ethan stopped crying. I administered the right dosage of Motrin, and we lay back down.
I patted Ethan’s back until he fell asleep. I. Was. Exhausted.
I closed my eyes and began drifting off–finally! When I heard, “Beep-beep.”
I ignored it. It was probably a fluke–a kink in the system.
5 minutes later. “Beep-beep.”
The mother effing smoke alarm!
I ignored it again. Surely it would stop. “Beep-beep.”
Ok. But I could definitely sleep through it. I was THAT tired.
“Beep-beep.”
Or not.
So, to make a long story even longer, I’ll probably finish my new book. Never.
Because everyone hates me. Including animals and inanimate objects.
“Beep-beep.”
Very funny, Shauna. I hope you get some rest.
Sounds like you had a rough night.
I laughed out loud at the part where you assumed your son had cancer. Not that cancer is funny. Oh, never mind.
Good stuff.
I got tired just reading that story! I hope you find the time to write your book.
Good luck with that!
lol! For the record I love you. Good luck with the book!
Sleep. It was fun while we were young.
was there a fire? because you could say there was, that would be a very good excuse for not finishing the book on time. "the fire ate my… ehm – burned my book"
Was Ethan's knee ok?
I hope ya get some rest soon! Seems like whenever we try to do something important life wants to happen at that exact moment. Never when we're just lazy butts watching tv.
I love reading your blog, you are hilarious.
What is it with the bleepin' smoke alarms?? Ours went off randomly last month, totally freaking us out. No fire, no smoke, no nothing. And of course, they are rigged to each other via the electrical system, so if one goes off, they ALL go off. Great for warning of fire upstairs if there is one downstairs. REALLY annoying when it simply wakes up the entire household needlessly. After checking everywhere (even all 4 attic crawl spaces and the garage), and googling "why does our fire alarm hate us" at 3 a.m., the best answer we could come up with is that they go off with "smoke particles" and not just smoke. Meaning, of course, that if you have high ceilings and a short cleaning person, you probably have dust up there. In the a.m., I went to Lowe's, bought a can of compressed air and one by one pulled them all off to clean them and blow air through them to remove dust. Apparently we are supposed to do it routinely (haha) for maintenance. No problems since, so you might try it. Or better yet, pay Riley and Anna the $10 to do it for you….
I curse the fire alarm for filth!!!!
I think it's natures cruel joke on mothers that all hell brakes loose at 3:30AM….
Love ya, love your blog…
Smooches,
Sassy Chica
I hate smoke detectors. Especially defective ones. When I was in Marine Corps bootcamp, ours broke and we had to get up and evacuate twice in the middle of the night. During freaking bootcamp! Hmm. . . maybe that was planned by evil drill instructors.
Sleep? What's that?
Danny slept in our bed last night and OMG! I slept 1 hour, MAYBE!
Just think good thoughts and say to yourself "They will all be back in school VERY SOON". Only 25 days left until mine go back. But who's counting?
"the most loving thing to do is share your bed with someone…"
What was MJ smoking?!?!? Throw a pillow on the floor and boot those kiddos out! Don't like it? Go to your own bed then!