i love facebook. i have connected with so many people that i used to know very well. you know, back in the day…also known as high school…and college. the problem is that my memory sucks. i’ll be chatting away (via the keyboard) and someone will ask, “remember when we danced on top of the table?” and i’m like “NO!” or “remember the time we got kicked out of this party?” and i’ll write back, “WE DID?” or “remember the time you lost my snake?”
and before i can say “what the hell are you talking about,” i remember!” i DO remember the time i lost my friend, randy’s, snake. he had entrusted me with his beloved mephastopholese for the summer and somewhere along the way (under my watchful eye, wink wink) he escaped and ran amuck in my house. never to be found again. hmmm. i wonder if he’s still there. how long can snakes live, anyway?
i was reminded of my irresponsible snake babysitting again yesterday–after like 20 years. here’s how the conversation went.
randy: While we’re on this trip down memory lane, how about my snake, mephastopholese, that if memory serves me correct, you lost?
me: ok, i did not mean to lose mephastopholese. he was evil. an evil, possessed snake, probably the devil himself (hence the name). i can’t help it that he got out of his cage thingy. how do you think i felt? knowing that he was crawling around somewhere in my house, waiting for the perfect time to strike–possibly killing me in my sleep. what do you bet he’s still lurking through the walls or underneath the floor of that house? if you want, i can replace the snake by sending you both my cats. they’re NOT the devil. i am sure of that. let me know. i can have them in the mail to you tomorrow. they’re older and not any trouble at all. so…just let me know. oh, and they’re potty trained. no, they don’t use the toilet, silly. they go outside. they’re like dogs. yes, they’re the cat version of a dog. exactly. and no, i’m not drunk. yet.
and then…nothing. i never heard back from him. you think maybe he hurried off to ask his wife if it’d be ok to adopt my cats? no? yeah, i think it’s more likely that he’s filed a restraining order against me. oh well, it was nice catching up.
ooh, gotta go. i’m chatting with my english professor from my sophomore year at baylor. i’m finally going to get some answers like, “why the b+ on my paper about emily dickinson?” it was SUCH an “a” paper. i’ll let you know what i find out.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Yep, I think it’s likely your friend has contacted the authorities.
Shauna, my dear, you are the fruitiest loop in the bowl. And I mean that in the most loving way.
And boy do you make me laugh!
someone left you in charge of a snake? why? i don’t know you personally but you hardly seem the type to babysit a pet snake.
i’m not sure i’d leave you in charge of a TOASTER! much less a living, breathing thing.
jimmy,
i must say i’m offended. my KIDS are living, breathing things. and i do just fine with them.
wait. holy shit. where the hell did i leave the kids?
hold that thought, jimmy. i’ll be back. just as soon as i…never mind.
I have gotten hooked on facebook too. I don’t know why. I barely have time for my *real* (currently involved in my life) friends, let alone time for the yahoos I went to high school with. I have a sick fascination with seeing how everyone turned out. My 20 year reunion is around the corner, so maybe that is it. Anyway, I heard this joke that was pretty fitting considering how we are both “reconnecting” with old high school friends:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.. YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY, WITH THE SAME NAME, HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH,
I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED FAIRVIEW HIGH SCHOOL.
‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A BULLDOG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
‘WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’
‘YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FATASS,
GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED,
‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH ???’
What is the deal with your cats? And why are you trying to unload them on unsuspecting people?
And why are they furious with you? (from yesterday’s post) Because you’re trying to get rid of them? How do they know?
What a weird conversation. It’s almost like you were having it with yourself. I would contact the authorities too.
BUT, funny as hell!
I’m still back at “he entrusted me with his snake.”
What?
Drew–
Please, for the love of Pete, get your mind out of the gutter. Honestly, you men are good for one thing. And as soon as my “personal massager” gets delivered by Brown, you won’t be needed at all.
Just sayin.
As the former owner of the snake in question let me just say that the road down memory lane can be a rocky journey. At the time it seemed like a good idea to leave my little “meph” with Shauna. After all, my folks wouldn’t have any part of a snake in their house. Turns out it would be the last time I’d see my scaley friend. I’ve read they can live to be 25 years old. Next time I’m in Waco I’m looking for him.
Also ironic that our blogger is having conversations with past english professors considering I missed an english final one time because her and had to retake the class, but I”m sure that’s one memory that’s long been forgotten.
At least now we have Facebook to provide some documentation of the past.