most people i know are on facebook. there are those of you still holding out, but really, you shouldn’t. it’s like crack–but legal, and more fun. well i can’t say that with 100 per cent certainty since i’ve never tried crack so really i have no idea what i’m talking about. crack could be really fun and even better than being on facebook–who knows. all you crack heads feel free to enlighten me in the comments section.
anyway, crack aside, it’s crazy, this facebook thing. there are people i haven’t seen, thought about, or remembered knowing until i became friends with them (again) on the site. and it is addictive. i didn’t think i could become less engaged with my family or neglect my children more. turns out, i can and i have.
my favorite part about facebook is the status bar. you’re given a prompt that reads what are you doing right now? so when you start to type it reads: Shauna is…………. and then you fill out the rest. so i type things like Shauna is feeding the homeless–again. Humanitarian of the year, anyone? or Shauna is nailing herself to the cross. She’s finding it difficult to type with one hand. you know, funny stuff. but some people have taken this question a little too far and a little too literally. note to all of you serious status updaters: no one really cares what you’re ACTUALLY doing. seriously.
here are some of my favorite status updates. i’ve changed the names to protect the innocent (or the guilty–i’ve never understood how that works–you’re guilty of doing it but innocent because you’re an idiot?) then i will break it down for you and tell what they really mean. it’s just another service i provide for you at no charge. you are welcome.
Betsy is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
what this really means. betsy has absolutely nothing to say so she has decided to list her food intake. awesome.
Jackie is sitting across the table from her gorgeous, wonderful husband.
what this really means. jackie hates her life and her husband. in fact, she wishes she’d listened to her friends when they told her he was a schmuck. because he is.
Andrea is home today with her 3 sick kids who are being real troopers.
what this really means. andrea is this close to slitting her wrists…and is drunk…and it’s not even noon yet.
Lola is having a great birthday.
what this really means. no one remembered it’s her birthday so she’s hoping you (strangers) will notice her status and say something nice. please? she’s desperate for attention.
Katy is thankful for all her wonderful, supportive friends.
what this really means. katy has no friends.
and my favorite…Brenda is making her to-do list for the day.
really? do i even need to comment on this one?
and to those of you who were outed on here, don’t be mad–be glad. you made the blog! yay you! why don’t you put that on your status bar?
now go join facebook if you haven’t already. come on, you know you want to.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my god! You are SO right about this! I laugh my ass off when I read what people are doing. Like we care that they just washed their car.
How funny that you think so too!!!
ok, i think the food one could be me. how embarrassing.
i’m not mad, though. it’s funny. i guess no one really cares what i’ve just eaten. thanks for pointing that out.
I knew when I read the title of your post that you were going to say something about FB. I never list my status because of this very reason. Completely retarded. Maybe after people read this they’ll stop with the ridiculousness. Or maybe not.
Funny either way.
I sent a friend request, dont be scared of the tatoos. Karren is lying, I read her staus yesterday and she was taking the family cat to the vet. LOL
Hey! I like reading about this person going to Sam’s club and that person walking out to the mailbox. It’s the mundane things in life that are so fascinating. Riveting actually. Like watching paint dry or water boil. I love it. Bring me more.
Brenna is laughing at how very true this is. Please, tell us more about your dog’s diarrhea.
could you be any ruder? who gives a damn if you’ve written a book. your blog is your own personal fb.
Love FB..love it love it love it!
Shana is amused by this post and is going to plug your blog on FB today.
BTW, FB status updates like those are almost as scintillating as Twitter updates like: “We’re on the road, driving to Mississippi,” or “We just stopped at the nicest truck stop.”
Love ya.
I love that you have an Anonymous hater. I’m pretty sure that’s how Howard Stern ended up making the millions. Piss off enough folks who will keep reading your blog to see how bad you can piss them off the next time. Funny!
Sorry, this was an afterthought..
I need to plug your book on my Facebook..and I will to my 55 friends..You need some Northeast exposure..
PS..Do I get a commission for this?? OK I’ll shut up now..LOL!
I know this post is a bit old, but I just read it and have to comment.
I spend a lot of time on Myspace and Facebook. Probably way too much. Sure, it may appear that I’m neglecting my kids. I find the best way to get around this, is to open them their own MySpace/Facebook accounts. Then you can leave them comments, read their bulletins, or check on their statuses to see what they’re up to. There’s nothing like bonding with your children through cyber space.