here’s an actual letter i sent to my agent the other day. i didn’t realize how insane it sounded until after i’d already enclosed it with my manuscript and handed it to the lady at the ups store.
yes, you heard me right. manuscript.
don’t get too excited. it’s not a new story. it’s a compilation of my funniest/craziest/going to get me hate mail/ blog posts all packaged neatly into a book.
the title is…get ready, it’s a long one…
Robert Guinsler
Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.
65 Bleecker Street
New York, NY 10012
Hey Robert,
I started my next project which is compiling all my funniest blog posts over the last 12 months and putting them in chapters (sections).
I want you to look at it and if you’re not laughing out loud within 3 minutes, then I have failed and I might as well kill myself. Although that doesn’t seem to be a viable option since I’m deathly afraid of dying and am hoping that by the time I get old, they will have found a cure for it.
Anyway, I think we could totally sell this shit, er I mean, piece of work.
It’s rough, but it’s hilarious (if I do say so myself). I am in the process of writing an introduction and then will close it out in some spectacular fashion…like maybe listing every person I’ve ever slept with…or something like that…I’m just brainstorming right now. Plus I’m not sure I can remember everyone.
I encourage you to read it while you’re on the toilet. I’m hoping to market it as “the world’s greatest toilet book,” although my husband thinks that’s a VERY bad idea and actually sells my talents short. What does he know?
Please call me and let me know what you think. Don’t make me come to New York and stalk you. Just kidding. Sort of.
Happiest of holidays,
Shauna
bonus: click HERE to see a video i put together for christmas. i would post it, but i’m half retarded and can’t get the mother effing thing to upload to youtube. can someone help me please? make sure you turn up the volume!
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok – If your editor KNOWS you, then I think you are OK.
If he doesnt, then, well…I would expect a restraining order in the mail
Jennifer
ok, i just watched the video. it is so not fair that all your kids look like they could be in a gap commercial.
beautiful.
as for you and your letter to your agent, i got 4 words for you–you are a nut!
I love the video!! You have to find a way to put it on youtube though…so more people can see it.
That boy of yours–I could take him home with me.
I think your agent is going to die laughing when he reads the letter. And also, he might be a little afraid. Just a tad.
Good luck with the new “project.” I would totally buy a book of your best blogs. And read it on the toilet.
Please, oh please, put out a book of your best blogs! I love the title too!
The video is precious. Your kids are BEAUTIFUL!!!
Jen is an AMAZING photographer. Your kids are obviously beautiful, but how in the WORLD did she get them all looking at the camera at the same time?! Seriously, I have trouble doing it with two. And even when I do get them both looking at the camera, one of them has a finger in a nose. Gorgeous photos!
OMG! I know I have already requested this before and you ignored me..but pretty please send Jen Meyer to CT!!! Remember, we have connections with AA and her ticket would be free!! LOL..
OK..I tried..BTW..The Mariah Carey song on your Christmas video is the 1st one in our Christmas CD collection. Love it. You have a beautiful family!
pearl driving tractor lady,
restraining orders don’t come in the mail. you get served by a gun wielding police officer.
or so i’ve heard.
I know, but I didnt want to seem too familiar with the process
You need to blog more….its a real downer when I check like 15 times a day and there isnt any new “crack”….