Here’s a question for all of you: Why must you constantly ask us if you look fat? You know you don’t really want to hear the answer, so why ask?

See, you’re annoying too.

Are they all deranged?

I attended the last Monday Night Football game at Texas Stadium this year with 5 of my close friends.

We tailgated and enjoyed samples of some of the finest brats and Italian sauseges known to man. Added were onions, salsa, etc.

Our seats are near a couple of luxury suites.

So, as the game kicked, so did digestion.

One of my Cowboys tickets associates is rather robust, if I may. At about 10 minutes into the first quarter, he let one rip after a big play.

All ladies, within a ten-seat radius, including those in the luxury suites had to evacuate and swore not to come back.

After they made they’re way out in extreme duress, the men busted into a roar and high-fived my asociate, who was capable of producing such a volatile sample of noxious human gas.

Every home game since, all the ladies see us and say, “Please, warn us before you have one coming!”

LET’S GO COWBOYS!!!

There was also the time I blamed a smell on our dog and the youngest was offended because he had done it and wasnt given proper credit.

I should have stopped at the first child – a perfect girl…how much glass would I have not had to clean up or foul smells I would have been saved from…