where the heck have i been?

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wow. i just logged on and realized it’s been 5 days since i posted anything. that’s gotta be some record since there are times i post more than once in a day.

where do i begin.

oh yeah, this past week has been INSANELY CRAZY (you know i must be telling the truth if i use the word “insane” to describe “crazy.” who does that and doesn’t mean it?)

tommy left monday morning for california (of course). he always finds a way to get out of helping me. my wish is to one day be as smart as him.

he didn’t get home until friday morning. i had four kids and their godforsaken activities all to myself. and there was no shortage of them.

there was a night soccer game in dallas on tuesday–we didn’t get home til 11! on a school night! luckily my mom kept the little kids at her house for the night. oh, but all this came after art class, soccer practice and field hockey.

wednesday i had book club at my house. so that meant we had to clean a bathroom. also i had to burn a candle all day to make sure my house didn’t smell like sour chocolate milk and urine. oh…and i cooked a fabulous meal for my fellow book club members. i did this partly because i didn’t READ the book we would be discussing, and i figured if they loved the food, the fact that i added nothing to the discussion would be forgiven and/or forgotten/not even noticed. turns out, there were 2 other losers besides me who didn’t read the book, so we chucked talking about it at all and instead drank 3 bottles of wine and ate chocolate cake.

where were my kids while this was going on? i haven’t the slightest idea.

oh wait. now i remember. the little kids went home with patricia (my nanny/housekeeper/hispanic family member). she has 2 kids and a dog and harley and ethan consider getting to go to their house the equivalent to going to disneyworld. silly kids. (don’t ANY of you tell them differently–i mean it!)

the older girls had soccer practice that night (naturally–why wouldn’t they?) so they came home right around the time we all got goofy and started comparing our breasts. yay, book club!!

thursday, we had ballet and the last field hockey game of the season. (thank god for small miracles) then my oldest had her first high school varsity soccer game (she is the only freshman who made the varsity, thank you very much). so that was exciting. i could tell she was nervous. i was nervous for her. but after a few minutes, she settled in and played really well. the downside to her playing varsity soccer? i got the schedule from the coach. 32 games! 32!

friday was a big day. our annual halloween party. it’s the biggest party i throw every year and this year was no exception. but, there was another huge event happening. homecoming for my freshman. she had a date for the dance and everything. so that meant getting a dress, and shoes, and a mani/pedi. i drew the line at getting her hair done. i offered to do it and at first she balked and made a funny face. then i was like, “look at me, i’m super cute and i do my own hair all the time.” i guess that was enough for her because the next thing i knew i was knee deep in hair dryers and curling irons and hairspray.

saturday was the dance, and harley’s last soccer game and then her soccer party. by the day’s end, i was exhausted. not just from the day, but from the week. i just wanted to go to sleep. so i did.

oh, the highlight of my week: i just found out i’m considered a “milf” at my daughters’ schools (2 different ones–thank you very much) so….i’m excited about that. i have to say i was shocked that they knew what that word meant but even MORE shocked that they use the term. but then i remembered they grew up watching the disney channel and then i wasn’t so shocked.

so now the pressure is on to look cute when i go up to the schools. just what i need. more pressure. but i don’t want to let anyone down.

today is sunday and i haven’t a thing to do. (well, except soccer practice this afternoon, but that’s a piece of cake considering the events of the last week)

speaking of cake, apparently i’ve been in a binge eating contest with myself and i’m winning. the prize? jeans that are getting too tight. yay me!

edit: i know this wasn’t the most exciting or illuminating post, but dang it i’m tired. it’s not always easy to be funny and charming and, and….see? i can’t even finish the sentence and sound smart–or interesting.

more funny stuff to come. i promise. don’t forget to adjust your clocks today. except for you, dad. you weirdos in hawaii don’t play by the same rules. but the upside is, now i only have to count back 4 hours when i’m deciding whether or not it’s too early to call you.

happy sunday. i hope it doesn’t suck for you.