yesterday morning when i woke up it felt like christmas. i immediately turned on cnn and began watching, waiting for santa claus to deliver the goods.
i watched. and i watched. and i watched. and then it hit me. these people had absolutely nothing to report because nothing had happened yet. they were droning on and i felt like every minute i watched, i was getting stupider and stupider (is it ‘stupider’ or ‘more stupid’?–see?)
i knew i had to move on about my day or santa’s arrival would never happen.
i had a meeting with my publicist (which was fabulous and not weird at all, wink wink) and then lunch–which consisted of 3 beers and eating my weight in chips and salsa.
sidenote: normally i don’t drink during the middle of the day, but trust me, i earned those beers.
so then it was back home for more election coverage. i stripped off my street clothes and put on my lounging ones–sans the bra. a girl can’t greet santa wearing clothes that bind. speaking of santa–where the hell was that old, fat, white guy in the red suit? had he gotten lost? was he drunk? had he been captured by mexican drug lords? was he in line at krispie creme getting his free “i voted” star-shaped donut with red/white/and blue sprinkles?
finally, the first polls closed. i held my breath. mccain was up 8 to obama’s 3. the magic number was 270. it was going to be a long night.
by then it was 7pm. my kids asked for food. i was so put out. they wanted to eat? again? had they not had lunch? after numerous attempts on their part to pull me away from the television, i conceded. ooh, not a good word to use on election night. ok, i caved. i got up, threw a bunch of food together as quickly as i could, turned on peter pan for them in the other room and raced back to the bedroom. by now, tommy was there, sitting on the bed, remote control in hand.
then it happened. he aimed the controller at the television and pressed the button. i leaped forward (in slow motion like the movies–it was weird) and yelled out, “nnnnoooooooooo.” my voice was slow and deep, again, like in the movies–so crazy. his eyes got wide and he said, “what is it?” i jerked the remote from his filthy paws and said, “i was here first and i’m watching the election coverage!” he looked at me like i just told him i was really a man disguised as a beautiful woman. “you’re going to watch this all night? you know we’re not going to know who the new president is until tomorrow morning, right?”
oh tommy. tommy, tommy. you silly, simple man.
i sat down next to him, turned the tv back to cnn and said, “wolf blitzer said that if obama wins virginia and florida and/or pennsylvania and ohio (or something like that) then it’s over. those states’ polls just closed and the results are coming in. so, technically we could know by 10pm. and yes, i’m watching this all night. it’s historic and probably the most important election in our lifetime, if you hadn’t noticed.”
tommy stared into my eyes. he was silent. he seemed to really be taking in what i was saying. i could see it in his face. he was getting it. and i was having an impact on him. then he said, “do we have anything to eat?”
et tu, brute?
again, i ran in the kitchen, threw a bunch of shit together and put it on a tv tray. we sat on the bed, watching nonstop coverage of the election and feeding our faces.
when obama went up 207 to mccain’s 84, i got this text message from one of my brothers:
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
You had me at “I think she weighs more than him.”
That is hilarious!!
Go Tommy!
Last night was incredible! I, too, have never been more moved during an election.
However, I’m soooo glad it’s over!
First time commenter here. I love your site. I’m at work and supposed to be auditing accounts (boring!) but I can’t tear myself away from your blog!
So glad I found you.
Can you say girl crush?
I’m relieved that we can all move on now. I’ve been holding my breath for the last 2 years!
signed, another recovering Republican.
I’m a mccain supporter and a huge fan of your blog.
I think we owe it to ourselves to give Obama a chance.
This is me visualizing whirled peas.
Come on Aloha Frog, make some nazi-ish comment about socialism. Good for normal neice.
Normal Uncle
Congratulations, dammit!
I swear I jinxed this election because I thought things wouldn’t get rolling till late, so I watched four episodes of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader reality show on the DVR. When I was all caught up on which bimbos can’t kick, I flipped over to Fox News Channel and HOLY COW! You’d think I was watching MSNBC. They were all Obama all night like they’d never doubted him. Wow.
anyway, whatever, congrats again, I’m off to hide my money!
normal uncle (brother)
sorry i couldn’t respond sooner, i was polishing my understanding of socialism.
Whatever political flavor you’re “down with,” what is true is that from a voting-booth-location-volunteer view, this has been the most exciting, busiest election in my lifetime.
Like with sports, the numbers speak for themselves.
I really “don’t” make a “dern” who you thought should win, the figurative scoreboard says it all.
let me guess…allan?? that sounds soooo allan like!
yeah, obama!
LOL..all I could think of yesterday was your post..maybe six months back..I think it was “Hot Chicks for Obama” With your picture proudly under the post. I knew you were thrilled with the election results!
PS Michelle’s dress was a fashion disaster..sorry, but it was not a good thing.
I agree…it was the fault of the icky dress. The First-Lady-elect is not only a super intelligent class act, she is also a F.O.X.
Hey Dawn,
Back off, baby. There were a lot of girl crushers on here first. (haha)
Kidding, mostly, but seriously when I first started reading Shauna’s site, my husband called her my “girl crush” all the time. It was funny at first and then it started getting awkward when I began wondering if he was having MILF fantasies….
I’ve finally gotten him to stop, mostly because he likes Shauna too and I’m pretty sure he secretly reads her site when he has time. Anonymous? Is that you, honey?
Welcome to the Girl Crush Club.
Totally agree with your assessment of McCain’s concession speech, Shauna. I thought he rocked that night. I am also right there with you on Obama. I truly love the man and am filled with hope for our country. Unlike you, I have not had to recover from a Republican upbringing, although I do hail from a small Texas town, where homophobia and racism were rampant. Back then, we didn’t have any gays or minorities though… until the first AIDS death in the county made everyone in our church go, “Really? Him?” But I digress. Love your site and blog. Keep it up!
I think Karl Rove put it best when he said “The republicans had a candidate who couldn’t loose in an election they couldn’t win and the democrats had a candidate who couldn’t win in an election they couldn’t loose”. In any case I can honestly say I an glad it is over.