if you happen to live in the dallas/fort worth area and you’re up at 6am on a saturday, then do i have a treat for you. i will be on the 6 o’clock news tomorrow morning promoting battle of the bakeries. why the ungodly hour of 6 o’clock you ask? probably because no one watches the news at that time and so the universe gets to point and laugh at me once again.
i’m a little (scratch that) super nervous because it’s live tv and i can’t promise that the word ‘vagina’ won’t slip out of my mouth at some point. but i’m going to try my damnedest to keep the expletives in check. wish me luck.
oh, and tivo me or dvr me or whatever you people do. but please no pointing and/or laughing. and please no hoping that i will screw up big time or look fat.
i will post it or link to it when it’s available.
then, if you don’t have plans for later in the day, come to the battle of the bakeries and hear me read from heaping spoonful. i think i’m slotted at 2:30–sandwiched between the dance troop and the karate kids. yay me!
it’s a great cause and all you need to enter is a can of food. plus you get to be with me. and you will be in the raffle to take home one of the fabulous cakes. it’s like a cake walk without the walking part.
and please if you can, fly your flags at half mast today. my beloved horned frogs fell to the utah utes (aka, the devil’s favorite team) last night. in the frogs defense they won on paper–they just missed 2 field goals that would have won them the game.
you have no idea how depressed i am this morning. i take my football very seriously. i don’t think i can be funny today. please, anyone got any good jokes that will cheer me up?
best joke gets a signed copy of my book and a $25 gift card to target.
and, go!
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
oh I guess it would help to tell you I’ll be in the NBC station.
I can’t wait to see you on tv tomorrow! Good luck!
sorry about your froggies. At least you still have the cowboys! Oh, ooh, ouch. That’s gotta hurt.
what is a horned frog anyway?
I wish I lived there! I would so go watch those karate kids’!
LMAO!!!
good luck tomorrow. Vagina, vagina, vagina…
i’m going to get mom to tivo it for me! hey, did you know that blake has a cousin that plays for the frogs? it’s actually his dad’s cousin….james vess. he’s had a few pro teams contact him. good luck tomorrow! love ya!
what? no jokes?
c’mon people, i’m on the ledge here.
normal uncle, nothing from YOU?
I had a guy come to my house to give me a bid on doing some landscaping for me. He was presenting his ideas concerning the walkway stopped and yelled across the street “green side up”. A little later while going over the patio plans he yelled “green side up”. This continued while he was with me until he was leaving. I had to ask, “Why were you yelling ‘green side up” every 15 minutes? He responded, “My regular crew chief was sick today and I was left to supervise the two blonds on the crew myself.”
Normal Uncle
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.
The old rancher says, Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.
The Water representative says, Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher’s bull. The bull is gaining with every step.
The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
Your card! Show him your card!
Sorry I thought it was funny and the only joke that I had in my inbox that did not pertain to the President Elect….I did not think that you would find those funny!!!!!
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let her cook in the dark….
OR
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None – have you ever seen a man change a light bulb in your house?
There were two muffins in the oven, one muffins says to the other muffin, “its really hot in here” the other muffin looks at the other muffin and say “holy shit, a talking muffin”
The local hospital had just completed its new wing, and the chief of staff was giving a tour to the donor who made it all possible.
As the two men walked past the first room, they saw a patient masturbating like crazy. The donor looked a shocked. What is he doing?
The chief of staff wasn’t phased in the least. That patient has excessive sperm build-up, and his doctors need him to do that six to eight times a day until they are able to determine the perfect level of the medication he’s on.
The men continued on the tour.
A few rooms down, the donor stopped in his tracks and pointed. There was a nurse giving a patient a blow job!
The donor was horrified. What kind of hospital is this!?!? I had no idea you allowed this sort of behavior to go on here. And if I had known, I never would have given you all that money!!!
The chief of staff gave the donor a minute to express himself, and then calmly stated, This patient has the same problem as the first patient we saw. The difference is that this guy has WAY BETTER health insurance.
Shauna,
Sorry no jokes, but wanted to tell you I really like your blog.
Would love to read your book.
Does Borders have it? No Barnes and Noble in Hawaii.
Have a great time tomorrow sounds fun!
Fellow blogger
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That’s not funny!
um, ellen? i believe i told YOU the muffin joke.
ok, so far my favorite joke is from amy. i actually roared with laughter when i read it.
yes, i roared.
roxy,
thanks for loving the blog. can i just say that i love you?
the book can be bought online anywhere. barnesandnoble.com, amazon.com, borders, etc.
you can also get it off my site, http://www.shaunaglenn.com, and i will send you a signed copy.
however you want to get it is fine with me.
thanks and kisses.
shauna
Great segment on NBC. I tuned in the AM during my coffee-brewing time.
Wish the TV man voiced the name of the book. Did I miss it?
My mamma is a pastry chef, so I know the work that goes into such a cake.
Good times!
WHAT!!!!ARE YOU TRYING T0 ACUSE ME OF JOKERISM? WELL, I NEVER….
and the winner of the joke contest is….
AMY!
send me your address and i will send you the goods.
thanks for playing!
i’m cheered up now.