so, tommy and i left town this morning. we’re at the beach house in florida (it’s our anniversary). so we have four glorious days of doing nothing–except right now, he’s on the sofa with his laptop and i’m at the desk on mine. we haven’t spoken to each other in like 10 minutes except when he walked by a minute ago, stopped, and then started reading over my shoulder. i yelled, “get away!” and he retreated back to his side of the room. please, people, everyone knows that reading over the shoulder is grounds for murder. no jury, anywhere, would convict me because that’s like common knowledge. it’s one of the facts of life–or a 10 commandment (thou shalt not readeth over thy spouseth shoulder-eth?), or something like that. it’s basically the law.
anyway, on the plane i took off my wedding ring and asked tommy to hold it so i could apply lotion to my alligator-like skin. once successfully lubed, i held out my hand for him to put my ring back on my finger. i smiled at him and half expected that he would jokingly say something corny and weddingish like, “with this ring i thee wed,” blah, blah, blah.
but, as he placed the ring on my finger he looked into my eyes and asked, “did you fart?”
and no, i did not fart.
we have no idea what to do. i’m used to having an afternoon filled with kids and carting them to their various activities; and tommy is used to being on the phone and bossing people around all day, all the while giving sage advice and enlightening direction.
so…..our plan is to see a movie. and then eat. eating is a main priority for me. and then maybe…i don’t know. i’m completely lost here.
what do people without kids do for 4 days?
besides THAT!
tommy’s way ahead of you. don’t worry.
perverts.
oh, and happy anniversary to me–and tommy.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! How many years?
You’re at the beach girl! Walk on the beach, have some wine–or better yet, champagne.
Have fun!!
Don’t forget to post stories. My life is boring.
That is too fucking funny. I like your husband.
Are you sure you didn’t fart?
Ok, so 4 days without your kids. Um, I’m out. I have no idea what to tell you to do. I can’t pay my kids to leave.
LOL
you’re crazy’! Going to the movies when you’re at the beach? Go to the BEACH!
LOL!
how about a nice game of scrabble?
happy anniversary!!!!!
happy anniversary! have a drink~or several~for me!!
strip scrabble
Okay, Shauna, apparently we got married on the same day. Yesterday (10-9) was our anniversary too. Except, unlike you and Tommy who planned a trip and made fart jokes on the plane, Ben and I both COMPLETELY FORGOT. Seriously, I think I lose my vagina card for this one….
My Mom called at 4 p.m. to tell me “Happy Anniversary” and I was completely confused by her message (because of course I didn’t pick up the phone). And then I looked at a calendar and started laughing because I seriously forgot. And I knew Ben had too.
Now if I was *good* at being a conniver, I would have quickly pulled out some sexy lingerie and pretended I knew all along and guilted him into some jewelry or a spa trip or SOMETHING. But no, I laughed my ass off at my own lameness as a wife, and arranged a babysitter so we could go to the Movie Tavern (to drink beer and see “Choke”…very appropriate for a wedding anniversary).
Ben laughed too although he was even more mortified than I was that we both forgot. So at the theater, we both programmed a reminder with a 2 day early alert into our respective iPhones. Next year, maybe we’ll be on the beach playing Strip Scrabble. (Awesome idea, “anonymous” by the way…satisfies the pervert and word nerd in me at the same time.)
Happy Anniversary, Shauna. And get a nose plug, Tommy. No, NOT a butt plug. A nose plug.
Monika!
Happy Anniversary. Although mine wasn’t yesterday (the 9th). Ours is today!
We’re getting matching tattoos. Joking. Tommy was just reading over my shoulder so I did that for his benefit.
it would have been totally awesome if he had given you back an even shinier piece of jewelry on the plane – we would have been all “awwwww” he’s the best husband EVER. But he didn’t. So you’re a saint for sticking it out.
And the fact that he believed your lie about the fart? You have him trained well.