this weekend was not fun. first, i’m sick. and that’s why i haven’t been around. do you know how hard it is to be funny and/or clever when you just want to die so the pain will go away? i have the WORST headache i’ve ever had in my life. it’s one of those that hurts so bad you want to throw up. my eyes hurt, my face hurts, even my teeth hurt.
but did that stop me from attending 4 soccer games this weekend? you bet your ass not.
saturday the pain was so horrific that i actually PULLED THE CAR OVER AND LET MY 14 YEAR OLD DRIVE HOME. i felt it was my best option. it was either me kill us both (because i had to keep my eyes closed or i was sure blood would spew out of them) or sit on the side of the highway for 45 minutes waiting for tommy to come pick us up (and i wasn’t sure i had 45 more minutes to live). thankfully, she’d been practicing driving these last few months out in the country, so it wasn’t her first time to drive. it was however, her first time to drive on the freeway. i admit i was a little afraid for our safety, but at the time it seemed rational. i reasoned that if we DID get in an accident, an ambulance would come and take me to the hospital and that’s where all the good drugs are–and maybe i could get some. and i know for sure that if you arrive at the hospital in an ambulance, you don’t have to wait in the waiting room with the rest of the losers.
after making it home safely, i got in bed, moaned, moaned some more, took 2 vicodin, moaned a bit longer, put a hot towel on my forehead, popped a muscle relaxer, moaned, moaned, moaned, then passed out.
i dreamed i was having horns transplanted and attached to my both sides of my head. i know many of you would agree that that was likely the last step in my full on transformation into satan. jokes on you though, i don’t believe in satan.
sunday morning i woke up and felt a tad better. the headache was still lingering, but it was not as intense as the day before. i drove to yet another soccer game (yes, my life sucks, are you new?) and the bottom fell out again. my head started pounding, my eyes hurt to keep them open. i really just wanted someone to chop off the top portion of my head. one of the dad’s is a vagina cancer doctor and i yanked on his sleeve and said, “please, tell me doc, am i going to die?” he looked me up and down very intensely and said, “not today.”
i cried, “what is wrong with me? why is my head hurting? do you think i have a brain tumor? or am i having an aneurysm? you know i heard really smart people have aneurysms.”
he guffawed and said, “well, obviously you don’t have to worry about that then. it’s your sinuses. you need to get indoors–in the air conditioning.”
“that’s it? that’s all you got for me? get indoors? you’re not going to bill me for this little chat are you? i mean, my snot is green. do you want to see it?”
he took a step back and said, “no thanks. i see plenty of green snot in my line of work.”
confused, i asked, “but i thought you were a…?”
and then i thought about it for a minute. he nodded and said, “you don’t want to be me.”
another one of the parents heard my whining and pleading and came over and put something in my hand. i looked at the little red pills and said, “are these illegal drugs? how much do i owe you? will i see everything in color?”
she waved me off and said, “it’s sudafed. it will make you feel better, i promise. plus, don’t you already see in color?”
oh yeah, i guess i do. instead of answering, i popped the wonder pills in my mouth and sat in my chair, waiting for the magic to happen.
luckily for me (and my family who are completely over my complaining) it worked. sudafed is officially the bomb. although i didn’t know when it wore off i’d feel like shit again.
so today is day 4 of what i believe to be a very intense sinus infection. in fact right now my head is pounding with every stroke of the keyboard. i’m going to the doctor this afternoon. hopefully i will feel better soon. this is the worst. and nobody in my house gives one shit.
please, leave some love here.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
so sorry you are sick! doesn’t it suck that when we get sick we still have to keep going but when our husbands gets sick, they lay their fat asses on the couch for days and do NOTHING! or is that just in my house???
see you saturday!
Sorry you are not felling well, Tracie is right it sucks when Mom is sick because life still goes on. Hope you get good drugs today, I dont like when you miss days blogging….HINT HINT Tracie….being prego is not an excuse!!!!!
yeah, but the cowboys won so no big deal
the cowboys winning WAS the highlight of my sunday. i just couldn’t yell or cheer for fear of my head exploding.
update: went to the doctor, was diagnosed with bronchitis and sinusitus and was given prescription drugs and one shot in the booty. should be better tomorrow. at least, that’s what my family is hoping.
I won’t even drive on the highways in Dallas, your daughter must have brass balls – like her mom.
Giiiirrrllll! I hear ya! I’ve been having the EXACT same issues all weekend! And Sudafed IS the Bomb!!
Sorry I’ve been away for so long. This stupid house hunting thing is sucking up all of my Blog Reading Time!
Anyhoo…hope you are feeling much much better now!!!
UPDATE: feeling much better today. still have a headache but not likely to kill myself anymore.
going now to take my grandmother out for the day. should have interesting tales to tell later.
I have had a similar weekend. Except Sudafed is a no-no for the preggers. And that is sad, sad, sad. Feel better soon.