i think i could win my own contest.
scene: the grocery store
ethan and i were cruising down the VERY CROWDED cereal aisle when he shouted, “MAMA, MY PENIS HURTS. WILL YOU KISS IT?”
as you can imagine, heads turned, eyes widened, mouths opened in disbelief, whitney houston stopped singing ‘how will i know if he really loves me’ over the intercom.
i smiled at the gasping onlookers and said, “we’re very close…and…we’re originally from arkansas.” one woman laughed nervously and another woman nodded her head. i have no idea why–maybe she was from arkansas too? at that point we zoomed down the aisle, turned the corner and headed to the check out line. i decided it best to forget about the other groceries on my list. i had to get out of there before cps arrived.
it’s official. i have to change grocery stores. the check out girl was giving me stink eye. and i think she even shook her head as she watched ethan open one package of m&ms, a pack of hubba bubba, and a twix bar. i figured sugar might make his penis feel better. anyway, she was totally judging me. bummer too. it’s the only store i know where everything is located.
oh, and now i’ve officially been outed as a sexual predator. hooray for me.
ps. so sorry to my actual arkansas relatives. i didn’t make up the joke about people from arkansas. i just play along.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
My son grabbed himself at meet the teacher night and the teacher asked, “Christian do you need to go potty?” He loudly replied, “No my pee-pee itches all the time!” Everyone there turned and looked at me. Great now my son is going to be known as the boy with the itchy pee-pee.
What is it with boys and the penis grabbing? I just got home from visiting my parents and I SWEAR to you that Liam had his hand on his package at least half the time we were there. It kind of freaked out my step-mom who kept asking him if he had to go to the potty. After the zillionth time that she asked and he looked at her like she was nuts and said, “Um, noooooo” I finally asked him what the RIGHT question. “Liam, why are you holding onto your penis like you are afraid it’s going to fall off?” and he said, “Mom, I just like holding it.” There you have it. It’s just a little phase he’s going through. It started last month and will last for….oh…..let’s see…..at least the next 80 years.
Riley keeps his hand on his thing 24/7….Ecspecially during soccer games..I think it is the shorts. But it is so embrassing when he is playing goalie and all eyes are on your son with his hand on his penis….I want to crawl under the bleachers.
Oh and the other night when I was bathing my son he said, “Mommy, one day my pee-pee is gonna be so big it will touch the sky!!!!” Umm…how do I respond to that? and Where on earth did he get that from? Its not like we talk about penises all the time around our house and he’s not watching R rated movies. I guess he’s a little man on some things just come naturally.
i’m glad to hear i’m not the only one with penis problems!!
you understand, I don’t personally have penis problems, right?
because if i had a penis, it seems (by the sound of things here) that i wouldn’t be able to get anything done–because i would have my hands on my penis all the time.