our friends down the street called and asked if we wanted to double date last night. we know them (i’ve actually been friends with the husband since 1991) but haven’t been out with them much. of course we said yes, and they told us they’d swing by and pick us up. around 6:30 the door bell rings and we head out to the minivan. the double doors slide open (super cool) and tommy and i climb in the back. i noticed a video was playing on the screen in the back. they have 2 young daughters so this is i’m sure, a usual occurrence. i looked up to see which disney movie was the flavor of the day–when holy shit! it wasn’t a disney movie at all, but PORN! there a woman lying on the bed, biggest tits you’ve ever seen, and she was pleasuring herself with a 4 foot long “personal massager.” i gasped, then screamed, “oh my god!” laughter and giggles broke out in the front seat and right then i realized it was a joke. they’d planned this whole thing to try and freak us out. our husband friend turned it off then and tommy yelled out, “hold on, i wanted to see how it ended!” we laughed again and husband friend said, “so, are y’all swingers or what?” all i could do was pray that he was kidding.
of course he was kidding, right? so anyway, turns out they went to a lot of trouble to pull this gag. they said and i quote, “we don’t have any porn at our house so we called around to a couple of friends asking to borrow theirs.” now they really were kidding. who doesn’t have porn at their house? doesn’t everyone keep it in the safe, next to the vibrator? anyway, they couldn’t locate any (looks like folks aren’t so willing to loan out porn from their private collection) and were advised to go to the local sex shop, aka christines. so husband friend trucked on over, went up to the counter and said, “hello young man, point me in the direction of your finest pornographic videos.” metal head with holes in his ears (and when i say metal head i mean he had actual metal sticking out of his head–that’s a prerequisite for working there) informed husband friend that you can’t sell porn in the city limits, but did show him a magazine that had a free dvd inside. he ripped out the dvd, handed metal head the magazine and went about his mission.
so as we’re driving to the restaurant and they’re telling us this story, it suddenly hit me. i now know EXACTLY what i’m getting them for christmas–a big box of porn.
xo
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re such a great actress, faking shock and horror!
It does sound a little bit like the only episodes of that showers Swingers on CBS. And while googling that to make sure I got it right I came across an article that says, “NBC says Coloradans are swingers.” Turns out they meant the voting kind.
Now THAT is quite a prank.
How’d your Sesame Street DVD go over?
I told Joanne (who gave me her spot) that I am her loyal minion for the next week. Hehe.
Huh. So there’s a swinger’s club in the neighborhood and I didn’t get invited. My feelings are so totally hurt. What, do I smell? Am I the smelly neighbor? Okay, I know I’ve said I don’t bathe regularly, but I would bathe for the neighborhood swinging club. Of course, we wouldn’t join, but it sucks to not even be INVITED. Doh. (insert sad walk here)
if i was going to be part of a swingers club, i would SO want you in it. i promise that if i ever want to get it on with someone other than my husband, you’ll be the first to know. you have my word.
That story is hysterical. I like your style, bloggette.