How well do you *really* know someone?
I mean I have one friend who’s been my friend for over twenty YEARS and I just learned something new about her. That she’s left-handed. And the way I found out was I watched her scribble a phone number on a piece of paper.
“Did you write that with your left hand?”
“Uh-huh.”
“But why?”
“Because I’m left handed.”
“SHUT. UP. REALLLLLLY?”
“Yes. Really.”
“When did THIS happen?”
“When I was five.”
“Why have I never known this about you?”
“Because that would imply you showing an interest in someone other than yourself.”
“Oh. Well that makes sense.”
Side note: It takes a really really good friend to be able to deliver that kind of truthful insight without it being taken the wrong way.
Side note number 2: I’m really going to miss my (ex) friend.
Anyway, in light of this recent development I thought I would share some things with you that you may not know about me.
1. I snore (Apparently. I mean I don’t know this with 100% certainty because it happens when I’m unconscious. But I’ve confirmed it with 3 people. Two of them are under 5 feet tall and known to lie when backed into a corner, but I offered up Skittles for the truth. And according to them I do in fact, snore)
2. I love every green vegetable on the planet. Period end of story. (Except okra. Okra tastes like slimy worms. This is not an opinion. It’s a fact. Okra=Worms=Bleck)
3. I’m highly allergic to melon. All of them. Watermelon. Honeydew. Cantaloupe. Can’t eat them. Ever.
4. I can remember every person’s birthday I ever went to school with. I can also remember random numbers like how much I spent at the grocery store last Tuesday. $126.78 (If you’re thinking this is some sort of gift, it’s not. I would prefer my brain fill itself with knowledge about shit that actually matters. But no one asked me what I wanted. So I got this.)
5. I STILL can’t poop in public. And I desperately need to. Like right now. My stomach is churning and all hurty inside and all I want to do is go to the bathroom. But I can’t. Also, if it’s possible to die from lack of pooping I will surely die that way. I can just see the writing on the tombstone now. “Here lies Shauna Glenn. She spewed a lot of shit off the top~Not so much from the bottom.”
6. I can eat chips and salsa any time day or night. It doesn’t matter if it’s 7 am or 7 pm. Chips and salsa equals love.
7. I can’t leave a room with making sure all cabinets are shut and all drawers are closed. What I don’t do is lick the light switch on my way out. Anymore.
8. I don’t really like ice cream. I mean it’s never something I crave or would go out of my way to eat. Unless there was a flavor called Chips and Salsa. And by that I mean if it wasn’t Chips and Salsa flavored ice cream at all but instead just Chips and Salsa. (refer to number 6)
9. When I have a nightmare it always involves snakes.
10. I can’t think of a tenth thing because all I can think about is eating chips and salsa.
What are some things about YOU that we don’t know? Please. Humor us.
PS. How bout we make this a little friendly contest. Most bizarre revelation wins a $50 gift card to Target. Contest ends Friday, July 30.
PPS. And by bizarre I don’t mean sharing your love of animal porn. That’s just wrong. You can love animals. Just not *love* them.
PPPS. Great. Now all I can think about is animal porn.
